A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's flattering, I have no problem being with an older woman if I like her, but they are unavailable. A woman I've known for a few years now, Caucasian, 36 years old, and she has had the same boyfriend since before we even met. She's always been flirty, calling me hot, sexy, etc. I never read in to all that much, but she's made it clear that she wants to have sex. Her boyfriend is even cool with it, but I'm not. Something about it all just rubs me the wrong way.A woman I used to work with, but is still around a lot, Black, late 30's or early 40's, and she's married, has children, the whole picture. She's faithful to her husband, but has admitted to being attracted to me and flirts with me often. At least she doesn't plan on betraying her husband, which I can respect. If she was single, she would be worth dating.A woman I work with, Moroccan, 44 years old, and she has a boyfriend. She's extremely slutty though and even if she was single, I'd never date her. Last week though, she's always trying to touch me, and last week she tried to kiss me. I pulled back and told her no. I hate that woman.A friend of mine, Thai, 29 years old, and she has a family. A husband and a son. She's cheated on her husband in the past but they got past it. Lately they've been fighting a lot and the reason for that is that she likes me. Not simply finds me attractive, she actually likes me. I was caught off guard by it, but I was flattered. She's my friend though and I don't know what to tell her. I do not like her husband and could care less how he feels, but she's cheated. Plus, I don't know if I feel the same wayAnother friend, Korean, 30 years old, married and has two kids. She's been fighting with her husband and ask me to come over when he's not there, for dinner and such. She said she likes me, but she's marriedFor whatever reason, girls my age either don't like me, are playing hard to get. or like me and they just don't tell me until like 5 years later when they are unavailable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016): I am in my early 40s, and honestly i have no interest to even have sex with a guy your age. Yes, you are beautiful, and have abs, but so what?
I had in a past guys in their 20s who were lousy in sex, it was all about quantity not quality, they ddid not know how to treat a woman, were lazy and wanted to be catered to.
My lowest age in men is 35. Before that i would not even bother.
Are you sure these women are flirting with you? May be they are just being nice?
And what you mean the 44 year old is slutty? You know at 44 she for sure knows what she wants, may be that what you call sluttiness
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 October 2016):
 Maybe you are just not spending enough time with people your own age to meet girls. I mean you seem to have a lot of friends that are older, this might be the issue. Also a lot of people don't want to be in a relationship in there early twenties, maybe they want to travel or get a good education first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Youcannotbeserious I think they might be. Lately I've been talking to a woman who, while I've known for 2 years, but not well, I have begun to take interest in. We talk and we laugh. Not really flirting but it's nice. Still, two of these women will tease me about it, always nosy about what I'm up to with them but not a jealous way. They just seem curious to me. I went out with one of my best friends, who is a woman, and they tease me about that too even though we're just friends. She's really beautiful, but I'm good with our relationship. She's into cars and things I'm also interested in. I'm single because I don't date women I work with, no matter how attracted I am to them.Is it all an ego booster? A bit, sure. It's not about my ego though. My Thai friend, her husband, called me at 1am asking me if his wife was with me. She wasn't, and she has never been in my house. I let her know that I want no part in her marital drama so she hasn't brought it up since, but I know she still likes me. Me ignoring them won't kill their attraction, and I don't care. They can flirt until they die, if they understand nothing will come of it then I don't care.My problem isn't that I attract older women, married or not. My problem is that women my own age seem uninterested. The woman I'm currently talking to may be a good one, but it's too soon to tell. I fell for someone back at a community college, she's amazing, but she's studying law. She let me know she likes me but she wants to focus on chasing her dreams, and I'm not going to get in the way of that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): Some people have a flirty personality, which inadvertently comes on involuntarily sometimes due to conceit, other times because they simply like to be admired for their good-looks.
I sense you know these women find you attractive and you turn on the charm because it gives you a little validation and appeals to your ego. It sounds a little like bragging to be honest, a mild case of "everybody wants me" syndrome; as we call it in the gay community. Attractive guys who strut around like a peacock, and the minute they're hit on by older men; they act appalled, but they loved rejecting them and the attention at the same time.
Reject unwanted advances. It almost sounds like you're working up a sexual-harassment case for yourself; but it might help if you check your vibe when you're around women.
If you're playing along with it, they'll go for the bait.
I find it hard to believe they would come onto you so blatantly without a little bit of baiting; so many times by so many women. Don't get me wrong, they have no right to make advances you don't want; and are behaving like desperate old cougars. That's beneath their dignity.
I find just ignoring unwanted advances like they never even happened works every single time. I've been told I'm an attractive guy. I get hit on by men and women of various ages. I handle it with grace and I'm flattered. I'm not cornered long enough to allow people to get too deep and nasty. I part as fast as I can, or just act as though I didn't hear their flirtatious remarks; which they won't bother to repeat out of embarrassment. I'm only rude if they presume to touch or corner me.
Perhaps your employer needs to implement sexual-harassment/sensitivity training; and offer the employees a code of conduct and ethics manual as required for employers with a certain number of employees by federal law in the United States. If it's too frequent on the job, notify HR.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): There are married women who are unhappy in their marriage or being neglected sexually by their husbands after long years of marriage and some are free enough to seek solace and attention outside. Believe there are many young guys in your situation. yours is not unique. I was like you in my younger years and I succumbed to one of them as she was extremely beautiful. I wish I hadnt but that is part of growing up.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (13 October 2016):
 I wonder, as you are unattached and (presumably) attractive, whether these women see you as a challenge or are intrigued by why you are single? We have a guy who works in our office who (we believe) has never had a girlfriend (he avoids the question when asked). Nice guy, in his 40s, friendly with everyone, very sociable, always up for a night out and the one who looks after everyone if they get drunk, a real father figure in the group. I do know some of the women (and men!) are intrigued by him because they wonder whether he is still a virgin (none of their business, I know, but human nature to wonder I suppose).In the last couple of years, he has been hit on by his SIL (which really freaked him out and who he told, in no uncertain terms, that nothing was going to happen), and a recently divorced work colleague who he also keeps at arm's length now. Maybe these women are just intrigued as to why you are single (as I believe is the case with my work colleague)?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm 25, almost 26. I can provide an honest description of myself if it helps. I don't know what it is about me that they admire, besides my looks, but I'm just me. I don't try to act differently for anyone. From the beginning I'm respectful towards them and their partners. I talk to them, I'm nice to them because I have no reason to treat them differently, but I don't flirt with them. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the attention. Who wouldn't love the attention of a grown woman? but they are all in serious relationships. I don't mind older woman and would date one if there was a mutual interest, but otherwise, I'll stick with someone my own age.I won't lie, it's always been a fantasy of mine to get involved with a married woman, but that's just a fantasy. So many things could go wrong with that. That's why I reject their advances.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm just me all the time. I do flirt, but only with women my own age. They flirt back but it's all harmless and doesn't mean anything. With all these other women, I don't flirt. They do, sometimes, but I don't flirt back.All of these women I met at work, but not all of them work there anymore. The first one I talked about does, but her boyfriend is a cool guy and we hang out from time to time. She's not someone I meet for lunch. When she proposed sex, I let her know it wasn't going to happen because I was not comfortable with it.She second one isn't someone I hang around either. She used to work with me and she doesn't, She just comes around because she has friends there. I didn't treat her any differently than I treated anyone else, but something about me had her making that extra effort to get my attention.The third one is a ***** and I don't like working with her because she talks too much. Sometimes I just avoid her altogether, but she is a persistent one, not just with me, but she is persistent. One of the reasons I'm looking forward to leaving the job this year.The fourth one I still work with and we hung out, but not alone, with a lot of people. We talk, but no more than I talk to everyone else. I did lend her an ear because she was really upset and had no one to talk to. Being a person that went through depression, I know what that's like. I don't know, somewhere down the line she developed feelings for me, but I never flirted with her. I told her she was stupid for cheating.The fifth one I worked with for 1 week and we had similar interests in photography. We bounced ideas off each other and we got along. I knew she was married and she said that she didn't have many friends but chose to befriend me because I did not strike her as a guy who was looking for sex. A "safe" friend. Everything was cool, but she started inviting me to dinner a lot. Her husband wasn't around and I felt weird, especially because of her kids. She insisted that we were just friends, but then one day she made it clear that she wanted more.I don't care if they flirt and if I choose to flirt back, though I haven't, then I do. I care that I attract them so easily, but the women my age show little interest. The only one that has is currently in another state studying law.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm just me all the time. I do flirt, but only with women my own age. They flirt back but it's all harmless and doesn't mean anything. With all these other women, I don't flirt. They do, sometimes, but I don't flirt back.All of these women I met at work, but not all of them work there anymore. The first one I talked about does, but her boyfriend is a cool guy and we hang out from time to time. She's not someone I meet for lunch. When she proposed sex, I let her know it wasn't going to happen because I was not comfortable with it.She second one isn't someone I hang around either. She used to work with me and she doesn't, She just comes around because she has friends there. I didn't treat her any differently than I treated anyone else, but something about me had her making that extra effort to get my attention.The third one is a ***** and I don't like working with her because she talks too much. Sometimes I just avoid her altogether, but she is a persistent one, not just with me, but she is persistent. One of the reasons I'm looking forward to leaving the job this year.The fourth one I still work with and we hung out, but not alone, with a lot of people. We talk, but no more than I talk to everyone else. I did lend her an ear because she was really upset and had no one to talk to. Being a person that went through depression, I know what that's like. I don't know, somewhere down the line she developed feelings for me, but I never flirted with her. I told her she was stupid for cheating.The fifth one I worked with for 1 week and we had similar interests in photography. We bounced ideas off each other and we got along. I knew she was married and she said that she didn't have many friends but chose to befriend me because I did not strike her as a guy who was looking for sex. A "safe" friend. Everything was cool, but she started inviting me to dinner a lot. Her husband wasn't around and I felt weird, especially because of her kids. She insisted that we were just friends, but then one day she made it clear that she wanted more.I don't care if they flirt and if I choose to flirt back, though I haven't, then I do. I care that I attract them so easily, but the women my age show little interest. The only one that has is currently in another state studying law.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 October 2016):
 I think it's partly because you play along and partly the kind of women you are around.
If I was your age and saw you flirt with "older" women I'd give you a pass.
There are no rules out that you HAVE to entertain all these women who are in relationships by flirting and stroking their ego. My guess is YOU get something out of it too.
As for girls your own age, hard to say what's going on there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): Seems you only hang around older women who find you attractive. Hang around women more in your age-group; and maybe they will find you less attractive?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): I am 48 and I would have absolutely zero interest in a kid of 22!I am not sure where you find these winners!LOLWhy, you ask? Because they are in their sexual prime and want to get it on with a young guy who is able to keep up to them. That is all.Purely sexual is my guess. I just don't get it though. I can't do purely sexual. So, not sure how these women think. But you are right. They are certainly very slutty.Me, on the other hand, I have never understood the attraction. I would rather be with an older guy and I AM.I suggest you stop hanging around women like this. And yes, girls your age will like you. But if you hang around these older chicks, you will never give them a chance. I will not say you are encouraging them. But if you are, then stop.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (12 October 2016):
Sweetie I think it is the kind off woman that you keep company with. All in relationships yes seem to want a bit on the side. A toy boy. Maybe you are naturally flirty or very friendly and this is why you are attracting there attention. You need to put them all straight and tell them you are not interested in a quick fumble. Maybe they feel they could convince you to have an affair with them and that is why they are targeting you.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (12 October 2016):
 It sounds like you have something these women really admire. Maybe your laid back attitude attracts them and they find you physically attractive. Also older women are known for being more upfront about what they like and want so they may be trying to get into your pants but I'm glad youre not taking them up on the offer since they all are taken.
I have many guyfriends who have had older women and even gay men hit on them. They just take it with a grain of salt and enjoy the attention, but they often want to find love with a woman closer to their age. A few haven taken offense and had to say no. But one of my friends did fall for an older woman and had a brief relationship with her so yes it can work, but make sure its mutual and both parties are single. Good luck
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