A
female
age
41-50,
*ouvelle32
writes:Just wondering from a man's perpective... how long should a girl wait for a guy to call? I met this guy on Facebook and we have a lot of mutual friends.. actually, he went to my high school, so I'm sure we'd have tons in common. Anyway, we kept emailing back and forth and then he gave me his number... we talked on the phone and he asked me to meet up with him and his friends that night, but I couldn't b/c I had to meet another friend, so I told them to come meet up with us if he had a chance. He said he would call me and let me know if they could make it... well, I ended up accidentally calling him, butt dialing (no lie) and then he texted me, that he that his friends had wanted to go to another bar so he couldn't make it, So I texted him.. "aww, you missed a fun time, I was hoping to see you." I don't know if that was too forward because then he said "I know I missed a fun night, but we have plenty of time. Hope you had fun tonight, Talk to you soon." The next night I had to work on NYE, so he texted me "Good luck at work tonight, try to keep out of trouble." And I texted him back, "I'll try to behave, you have fun too, no drinking and driving, the cops are out!!" That was it, he didn't respond and I haven't heard from him at all in 4 days.. before we were emailing every day. We haven't even been out on a date yet... but this is the first guy I've been interested in in a while (been on some crappy dates lately) and with this guy, I felt some chemistry. I'm just wondering if I said something wrong? So I guess my question is, how long is appropriate to wait for someone to call. I don't want to call him because I don't want to appear desperate since he texted me, "we have plenty of time..." whatever that means! So I'm just wondering from a guys perspective, since I'm new to dating again (just got out of a long term live in relationship).. Is it o.k. for me to call him in a few more days if I don't hear from him... or maybe just a text to ask how he's been? I feel like I get a better response from guys when I act disinterested a little bit by letting them call/chase me (but that's usually when I'm not really interested)... but I hate playing games with the ones I really do like, however those are the ones who seem to go running for the hills if I show a slight bit of interest... what gives? I don't get men at all. Seems like the ones you like, don't like you, but the ones you don't won't leave you alone. Does anyone have any insight?? :)
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (5 January 2011):
 "If a man is interested, he'll pursue you," but he DID pursue you and you found excuses both times. For many men, than means you're not interested. The ball's in your court now. It's your turn. Listen to Stayc and contact the guy.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (4 January 2011):
 What I do that has always worked wonders for me is to be honest and upfront. I don't play the dating games or the bs. I say what I want and what I'm looking for and exactly what I am thinking. Shocks the hell out of most guys but all of them love it. And I always heard "No one just says how they feel and how it is". It's a welcome change to the stupid childish game of trying not to talk because you don't want to seem eager, blah blah blah. I'd just text him and say "Hey it's been awhile since we talked. Wondering if you still wanted to hang out cause I'm still interested." Simple, honest. If he answers then say what you told us, you don't want a formal interview type date but something more casual to get to know each other. Just talk and be yourself. It is so easy and no one does it. Don't wonder what you should be saying, just talk to the guy. Whatever you are thinking, say it. Be open. Be confident. It's a turn on and a welcome change from the norm. You want to know what's going on now, so text him now. If a man is interested then he will pursue you. Especially if you are not playing the games and being upfront about how you feel and what you want. No need to act like anything at that point. He knows you are interested so if he is then he will try. If not, he's just not interested. Be confident in yourself and you will do great in dating. Your biggest problem will be all the guys harassing you after a terrible date and you just aren't into them.
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A
female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (4 January 2011):
Nouvelle32 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's actually asked me to hang out twice, the first time I was out of town and the second time I already had plans.. I like the more casual style of dating... like meeting up with friends or whatever, because to be honest, I don't like the dates where you sit across from one another like it's a damn job interview.. But seriously, he could at the very least give me some notice. I don't want to jump the gun on this, but I am somewhat in agreement with the anonymous girl who wrote that if a guy likes you, he will pursue you. The thing I don't get though is why guys come on strong and then disappear. That makes no sense to me.. esp. since he hasn't even had the opportunity to know how great I am. :) Dating SUCKS.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (4 January 2011):
It sounds like you know exactly how he feels: the same as you do. Men live in perpetual fear of the Friend Zone and are acutely aware that being forward or eager will send a girl running. Most girls only want men they can't have or need to work for, so the moment he texts or calls you too often, you'll be done with him. You're both trying to play the same game and for the same reasons. Either one of you breaks and calls first, or you two could both wnd up convinced that the other wasn't very interested in the first place. It's up to you whether you'd rather call (and risk scaring him off) or wait (and risk seeming disinterested).
Either way, the sooner you can start going on dates, the sooner you can get out of the game-playing stage of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Who initiates the most? You've asked him out but has he asked you out at all? If we like you than we spend time our time with you because we want more. Does he tell you where he spends his free time or talk to you at night or is it just email during the day? If someone is trying to string you along than time is their best friend and he said he has lots of it meaning you just wait while he does his thing. He may like you but just not enough.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (4 January 2011):
I would give it a couple more days and then text or email him. If he's interested you'll still be on his mind and he'll respond to you, assuming he doesn't contact you before then. If a girl comes across as very eager, I'll play it cool even if I'm very interested in her. It's just how the game goes, and that could be what he's doing, or it could be that he's not interested. It is tough to say this early.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): I know Im a girl but I've heard from many different guys if they are interested in a woman they will pursue her. This guy isn't really showing interest. Him not texting you back on new years eve isn't that big of a deal. But he hasn't asked you out on a date, he's playing phone/email tag, he seems as if he wants you to come to him, chase after him. Dump him and don't waste your time. If he does contact you, just be straight forward and say your not interested in playing games and tell him what you want. (be it a relationship, a casual good time, a one night stand or whatever)
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