A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:why do men cheat? my boyfriend of 5 years has cheated on me... I have tried to forgive him and move forward but its hard... instead of talking about my feelings to him I just bottle them up... it is so difficult... I kiss him and I think of her we have sex I think of her... I look at him and I get disgusted by what he did... he disgust me... I still love him but I no longer trust him... and I can't get the other female out of my head... I'm so hurt over this I cry all the time...why do men cheat? are there any men out there that don't cheat? should I just break this off? I don't know what to do...
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male
reader, Miguel-Montana +, writes (28 November 2009):
 for starters talk to him about it never bottle this stuff up cuz then he'll take u for granted show him how much it bothers u and pray that he realizes what hes done is wrong and never does it again. as for why men cheat is because of that phrase "variety is the spice of life". the one thing i suggest is to stay away from him cuz the only thing hes doing to you is causing you pain and thats no good at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): in response to ..
"A male reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (16 November 2008):
I would like to answer your question.. ' WHY DO MEN CHEAT ' and the answer is 'BECAUSE WOMEN DO THE SAME'
Did you like what i said.? Obviously not.. So, never generalize.."
i think she was talking about the men that do cheat when she asked why do men cheat it wasnt a generalization
and try not to be so heartless and unhelpful..
in response to the poster of the question..
i am disgusted with him too!
some reasons why guys cheat:
-because they dont truly love their gf and are just using her
-because they are bored with their gf and dont really connect with her or care about her
because they arent being treated very well by their gf- not enough attention, too much attention, always being put down, not being listened to, not respected...etc. and they seek what they dont have for some one else..
-for revenge- to get back at their gf for something she did to them
-peer pressure- alot of guys esp younger ones brag about cheating and how many girls they can get with and they all think its ok- at first they look 'cool' in front of their 'cool' friends but later they dont so much when they get dumped and no many other girls want them because they know what hes like..
- ... list goes on
but whatever the reason there is NO excuse for him cheating on you..
dont bottle up those feelings tell him exactly how you feel cry in front of him let it all out you have every right to and he has no right to simply continue being your bf after he has done that to you
what i would do is no revenge or anything like that give him another chance!
but dont by that dont just let him back into your life that easily..
make him grovel if he wants you back
make him prove he is truly sorry and worthy of you
make him do everything he can to make you feel better and make it up to you make him use up all of his energy being truly sorry and helping you get over what happened and feel happy with him again
make him gain your trust again because without that you will never be truly happy and you dont want to continue the relationship if you wont be truly happy right?
if he cant do all this because you feel hes not trying hard enough or anything hes not worth it at all and hes just a pathetic worthless loser and you should dump him ad find a real man! and dont ever feel like your being too hard on him with this- remember he CHEATED ON YOU and deserves it all
if he can do this and you can see he is genuiely trying for you and feel totally comfortable with him and feel that he really does love you and truly wont do it again and feels truly sorry and regrets what he did for the right reasons then stay with him and be happy!
hope this helped!
:)
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A
female
reader, madeleine73  +, writes (4 December 2008):
I am in a similar situation, however I got sick and tired of pitying myself and cry all the time. This situation can either hurt you but also can make you stronger. I also try to understand why 'he' cheated, I am not sure if it makes things easier if you understand "why" but I am sure it helps, you will never forget even if you forgive, but don't waste yourself away, standup for yourself, he wants to be with you? and you want to be with him? he should prove it. take things in your hand, consult the people who love you and tell them about your decision. If you try to give him a chance , give him and you just "one" chance , a few months, give your all, and if it doesn't work, don't push yourself and let it go. That is what I am doing right now. But realize that he has to be 101 % behind this, he has no rights anymore if he wants to win you back and want things to work. Even if you have to be a bitch about it, you might lose him but don't lose yourself.Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Hi, im sorry to hear what your boyfriend did. i think your best calling it a day, you will never forget what he did to you, it will always cause arguments in the future. you will never completely trust him when he goes for nights out with the lads, etc.. you love him, i can tell by the way you went back and tried to make it work but it didnt and wont. it will take a while to get over, but when you do you will find a gorgeous bloke who would never cheat on you and treat you as you deserve. good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): i'm so sorry. to answer ur q's - why do men cheat? some it's because they can, other's because their relationship is unfulfilled. are there men who don't cheat - yes, I have never cheated while in a relationship (i've also had no strings sex but that's when I was single) there are other men who don't cheat. what should u do - alas only u know the answer to that & only u can make the decision. it's ok for you to 'take a break' or at least slow the decision down. time does heal BUT do u want to go through a lot more pain of being constantly reminded (as before only you can decide this). god bless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Well,
Last year I had a boyfriend and he cheated on me with one of my friends.
Both of my bestfriends have cheated on their boyfriends.
Who knows why people in general cheat?
I didn't break up with him until two days later,
but we got back together,
then he broke up with me about a week later.
Now they are dating.
And I know exactly how you feel when you say you 'keep seeing her face'
It's crazy.
But I fully regret not breaking up with him,
I doesn't matter how bad they say they feel or how much they cry, It hurts.
I think it's better if maybe you two took a break.
Because that just makes them more likely to cheat again because they'll think you'll just always be there and will never 'punish' them.
Take a Break.
Think about It.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): Men cheat for a number of reasons, like moongoddess said. But if he regrets it and it has made him depressed about what he has done that you should give him another chance. I cheated on the girl i love and have been so upset with myself and hurt about what I did, my ex couldnt get the girl out of her head either because she sees her at school and it was always on her mind. I'm sorry but like I said if he truly loves you and is truly sorry its worth giving him another chance but if he doesnt care then get rid of him
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (16 November 2008):
 I would like to answer your question.. ' WHY DO MEN CHEAT ' and the answer is 'BECAUSE WOMEN DO THE SAME'
Did you like what i said.? Obviously not.. So, never generalize..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): I DONT CHEAT, I NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL.
My brother did with his gf of 9 years...............what an asshole
gd luck and tell him hes a lucky sod for you not kicking him out of your relationship. no one is worth feeling bad over, unless you enjoy feeling bad which you dont.
gd luck
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): I have went through two tough times and posted questions on this site. The people here are amazing and made me realize that there are truely good people out there. I am a 31 year old fireman..I do not cheat..men may think about it, they may talk about other women to their friends, but not every man cheats! I think cheating is degrading to yourself and can cause pain beyond comprehension to someone else. I just felt I had to answer this and give you some hope that there are true men out there that will not beak your heart. I'm sorry you are going through this, I have been there and it does hurt like hell.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): From my personal experience, I can say, it's very hard to gain the trust back. You can try but deep down, you will always think of the what if's. It's really hard. I do feel your pain. You deserve a man who will be completely faithful. Everyone deserves someone in their lives who is faithful. Maybe a break could be in thought. Give yourself some time. He needs to work for your trust. I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck. Be wise.
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