New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244938 questions, 1084216 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Why do men act the way they do ? Not replying? Changing plans at last minute?

Tagged as: Dating, Flirting, Friends, Social Media, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 July 2016) 8 Answers - (Newest, 27 July 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Im hoping a few men will reply to this.

I want to know why men do and say things the way they do .

If a woman asks a basic question like how you doing fancy meeting up next week ? and the man has seen the message but doesnt reply and its been 5 days later.

Why wouldnt the man reply (he works 5 days a week and is home by 5.30 every night has no kids )

It takes 2 seconds just to say ill get back to you but instead ignore the woman . why ?

Also why do some men say they will do something then change their mind last minute , a group of friends decide to meet up at one of the houses ,they all live within 10 mins drive of each other .

he says he will pick up 2 of the friends on the way but just before setting off the friend checks in with them and they reply ' oh i cant be bothered im off for a bath then bed lol ', ( theyd done nothing all day just watching tv and playing games on social media ) they make it sound like its perfectly fine to let down people last minute Why ?, nothing was said after about what happened, im not saying all men are like this but i seem to know more and more being like this

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntSo he is a shitty flaky friend....

Not much else to glean from that.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2016):

I feel you, I've asked before for advice and it's assumed that I was into a guy/w anted sex or a relationship with him or even any of that at all! What it seems you were asking (and correct me if I'm wrong) is this:

"Why do so many people who are mostly male friends or male potential friends behave this way?"

I didn't word that well, but I think I know what you meant.

If you'd written this exactly the same and replaced "men/the friend" with "Kristen" or she, you would have gotten a different response. We might have focused on the "flaky friend" part. Maybe.

I guess... its because that friend, regardless of gender just isn't interested in meeting up as friends for whatever reason but doesn't want to say, "I'm not interested". That's actually harder to say (or hear) than "I just want to be friends".

Of COURSE it would be basic respect to say, "I can't text btwn x&y" or to text during lunch (or even five hours later) with, "sorry I missed your text, I'm available at/on z". If you sent ONE text in 5 days friend may have missed it or forgot or assumed it wasn't pressing. I don't know :-). OR like other aunties/uncles here, he might have ASSUMED you were interested in more than just friends and that's why he's acting standoffish. About flaking on the ride bc last minute, that IS rude! Even, "wow, I didn't realize I was going to be this tired I'll get you, Mary Kate, and Ashley there but please try to find a way back". Shoot, he/she SHOULD help you find a way back! If he/she felt like a taxi service, they should say so!

If its mostly guys (not all guys as you said) who do this, maybe they're a) ass u me ing you're interested in more or b) they are interested in more but know you're not.

It's only a guess on my part. I could be WAY off base.

Treat it as you would a female friend who always flakes: "Oh, Kristen/Justin isn't reliable, I won't expect things w them." Then, focus on the male/female friends who DO NOT flake on you.

I hope that made sense.

Aunties/uncles does that make sense? Uncles, is it possible that some of her male friends do this to OP bc they think she's interested in more than friendship or no?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2016):

Im the OP. Where did i say i was into this guy ? hes a friend thats it nothing more . I was brought up to treat people the way id like to be treated and thats with respect . If someone messages me i reply as soon as possible and with me its usually within the hour , as for letting people down last minute i dont do that unless its an emergency . I like to be organised and if i cant make something i let everyone know straight away common courtesy . As i said before not all men are like this guy and theres women just like this guy , since im a woman id like to know what goes on in the mans brain

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2016):

Why are you asking why do "men" do these things? The question is how come the man, or men, you choose are like that? If you're settling for the guys like that; it's because you repeatedly go after a "type." They all happen to be the same.

You also have to learn how to date and evaluate a guy before attaching your feelings. If you see a list of bad attributes, don't get attached. Cut your losses. You don't get hung-up on lousy picks; then think your love and devotion will make him a new man. That only happens in cartoons and in the movies. When you've had enough, dump him. Nagging and pleading doesn't change anybody. You have to realize when you've made a bad choice, and decide when to end it. Don't go blaming all men for your poor choices!

May I also remind you to look at yourself in retrospect, and check your own attributes and character. It's easy to point a finger and criticize; but three fingers point back. There are usually just as many bad points in you, to match what you see in other people. You don't often know them until someone comes along and points them out to you.

If you feel you are deserving and a really good catch, raise your standards and date a better kind of guy. Broaden your variety in men. Most women don't seem to notice nice guys, you run into us totally by accident. The bad-boys stand-out, tend to be sexier, and they go after you more aggressively. The sad part is, they're more successful at getting to women.

Date, evaluate; then eliminate. Hang-on to a good thing once you've found it. That's what dating and courtship is about.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom +, writes (26 July 2016):

I agree with HoneyPie and the anonymous male. Guys who do this are just not that into you. They like you enough to keep you around for a rainy day but not enough to make you a priority.

And some people are just unreliable and inconsiderate in general and don't think how much their flakiness affects other people.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, devont United Kingdom +, writes (26 July 2016):

devont agony auntDefinitely agree with the other responses.

Why do men act like that? Because they're just not that into you.

It is fairly easy to ignore someone via text rather than outright say "I'm not into you and don't want to meet up with you". To many men, ignoring someone is simply the least harsh of two bad options.

Also, if a guy did say that to a girl, that would be the end their interaction. However, if a guy simply doesn't respond, if in the future he's feeling frisky he can contact her with an excuse (he was super busy with work etc) and then meet up with her but afterwards go back to ignoring her until the next time he wants sex.

If someone keeps on ignoring you and lets you down, male or female, friend or boyfriend, then they aren't worth your time or effort and you should consider ending the relationship.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2016):

The same reason a women would do it to a man ...

they are not that interested in you.

If somebody wants to reply .... they will reply

If somebody wants to meet ... then they will meet .

I am glad you didn't say all men :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntFirst, I don't think that is JUST men.

Secondly, If he isn't into you, I think its more common than a guy who IS interested.

Thirdly, if you encounter a guy like that, WHY do you stick around for that? If he can't reply a simple question, cancels on you, stand you up - then CUT THEM off. That way at least THAT guy won't do that again TO YOU. He might even learn that maybe that is not the best way to treat a lady.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Why do men act the way they do ? Not replying? Changing plans at last minute?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312654000008479!