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female
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anonymous
writes: Why do men when they are married 'lech/ogle' women and flirt with them? Are they insecure, are they trying to boost their own ego, are they not happy with their own marriage?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): I would like to say that I have read many of your responses as far as oogling and I also feel the pain. I was in church and there was this young woman dressed in a bright red, low cut lace dress(skin tight) walked down the isle and sat across from me and my husband. She was with her husband and a small child. My husband for 30 minutes gawked at her for the intire sermon. I was devestated because not only did he make a fool out of himself and me, he let the congragation know that his interest was this girl in the red dress. When I confronted him, and told him how hurt I was, he said he was looking at the cute kid. Now, that really insults my intelligence and it also tells me he's a liar as well. He has done this on many occasions now and I am not too sure about my feeling for him anymore.I feel like my love for him has changed forever. This lets me know he is still on the hunt. Just think.....if he is doing this in front of you, whats the idiot doing behind your back???????? BE WARE!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): i think most guys are not ready to be married. I refuse to be married to any man that keep flirting or looking at any women other than me. I am currently having that problem at home and i already said if he is not going to change means he isnt ready to be married and i am not the right person for him.
i told him to go out there and sleep around, and further more i said that once he is ready to be married he will know and then he will see that once you find the right person, no other women is attractive. Its Not ok or guys or even girls to look at others while being married. if you do, ask yourself. Are you really ok with your man finding other women attractive? are you sure that does not make you feel like something is wrong with u or why are you not hot enough for your partner.. because i asked those questions to myself many times.. i got to the point to think that if i had enough plastic surgery and changed my body he would find me more attractive and not look at the other girls. so atm i told him sleep around and figure things out if he come back to me we are good if not i am getting outta here..
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reader, oldfool  + ♥, writes (9 July 2008):
 "I find him on the sidewalk, going the opposite direction of where he is headed, watching a girl who had passed him by and he has this big grin on his face. I don't think he ever expected for me to come around the corner and see him."
That is so funny!
I know it puts girls off when guys ogle. We're probably all guilty of it to some extent.
The fact is, a cool guy who knows how to hook up with women doesn't ogle. He knows that ogling puts women off. He knows how to approach them, he knows how to talk to them, he knows how to appear attractive to them, he knows how to make them interested, he knows how to manoeuvre them into bed... but what he doesn't do is ogle them! (At least not until he gets them between the sheets).
So I think that a guy who ogles women may be annoying, perhaps even a little childish, but his ogling isn't a threat to your relationship. The one to be afraid of is the sophisticated guy who doesn't ogle, but just goes in and gets what he wants.
Just my two cents.
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female
reader, Morningstar22  +, writes (9 July 2008):
I have been married to a man who has been ogling and flirting, even in my company. He denies it! Says I cannot see out of the corner of my eye what he is doing, and he did not flirt, he is just friendly. I realize now, after 42 years of marriage, that he is never going to change. He does not think he is doing any harm to anybody! My advice to anyone who has an ogling partner, drop him, and don't make the mistake that I did, to think that he will ever change. It is not you, there is nothing wrong with you.
There are decent men on this planet. Don't be a fool.
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reader, Integrity  +, writes (25 June 2008):
I have read every post here and have found the responses very interesting. However, I would like to post my own concern now. Please understand, guys and girls, I know that we all look at other people and especially attractive ones. I know that some of you may not understand this, but I am a Christian woman who recently got married and hadn't been with any man in ten years since I've been divorced. The man I married became a Christian after meeting me. I knew that he looked at other women before we got married and I thought that he liked to flirt. However, I guess I thought that he wouldn't do it anymore after we were married because it seemed like he tried to "tone it down". However, the day of our wedding, he looked at an attractive woman in a way that I label ogling. Some of the things that I had been comfortable about with regard to his "looking" are the following: 1. I find him on the sidewalk, going the opposite direction of where he is headed, watching a girl who had passed him by and he has this big grin on his face. I don't think he ever expected for me to come around the corner and see him. 2. We're in the airport at a car rental agency, and the girl who is waiting on us steps aside. A new girl comes up to the counter next to us, doesn't offer to assist us because we are already being helped, he doesn't say anything, but he looks once and then moves up it seems to get a closer and better view. He tells me that he doesn't look "lustfully" at women because he wants to have sex with them. He tells me that I need to trust him, that it doesn't mean anything to him. He gets mad when I bring up this subject. He tells me that he has told me that "I'm the one, that he decided it was me".Someone out there, gals and guys (I would really appreciate guy's feedback!), please tell me if I should believe him. This really has me concerned because he told me that he was with prostitues during his first marriage. He told me he was with them because he believed that is marriage was over. He told me that he wouldn't want to be with prostitutes again because it's not like love, not like the real thing.But I guess the question that keeps nagging at me is, If it really is nothing, then why does he do it??? He says he thinks that I think that he can get anyone he wants. He says that no one has ever positively responded.But as we heard at my church, it's not a question of IF it's going to happen (a married man being pursued by a female and vice versa) but only a matter of WHEN. I am concerned that should he get a positive response that he won't be able to say no.And, why does he do this if he says he loves me?Thank you.
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reader, Sizzle  +, writes (2 June 2008):
Married men ogle other women because they decide to. Ladies, please treat yourselves like your own best friend. Do not put up with an ogler. They will not change. They need this attention to fill up their inflated egos. They will erode your self esteem until you have nothing left. It is themselves. It is "the self of a person". Do not accept their ongoing excuses. Treat yourselves better. You deserve respect and consideration. If you stay with an ogler you will dwindle into the deepest insignificance. Please leave this man who does this to you now, not four years from now when you discover he has actually pulled the wool over your eyes once again and had an affair. I'm begging you.
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reader, Sizzle +, writes (2 June 2008):
Married men ogle other women because they decide to. Ladies, please treat yourselves like your own best friend. Do not put up with an ogler. They will not change. They need this attention to fill up their inflated egos. They will erode your self esteem until you have nothing left. It is themselves. It is "the self of a person". Do not accept their ongoing excuses. Treat yourselves better. You deserve respect and consideration. If you stay with an ogler you will dwindle into the deepest insignificance. Please leave this man who does this to you now, not four years from now when you discover he has actually pulled the wool over your eyes once again and had an affair.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I wish he would just love me like he promised he would. It is such a sham. I give all I promised. He does not!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Biologic evolutionary instinct anyone? Men are always thinking of ways to spread their seed. A quality such as scouting out potential mates with such scrutiny would have been advantageous in a time where women were few. After the fall of the Roman Empire and into the Middle Ages, Kings and Dukes would naturally have a harem of hundreds of different women. Genghis Khan is the greatest example. Of course, we see this as crude. This is simply because in modern society marriage is a female dominated dynamic, and any deviation from it is considered socially unacceptable, and it is.This is simply biology acting out against the inevitable social dynamic that is marriage in modern society.Why not let each other look? It's not like they're getting some, anyway. It is insecure to be so defensive and jealous when it comes to your partner gawking at members of the opposite sex. Simply put, if you weren't insecure you wouldn't act out aggressively or use physical force to retain them. You wouldn't have to because there should be fear of your partner leaving you. Then again, for a relationship to work you can't just . That's where you have to make your own relationship so physically and emotionally stimulating that there would be no reason for your partner to leave or fool around. Can you honestly blame someone for growing distant and desiring new things and different people if you're incapable of providing engaging and exciting experiences? In the civilized world people have had to conform to the defined social trends, and surpass their natural tendencies. This is what allows the life we experience today to be even remotely possible.In marriage it is suggested you grow to an intellectual relationship, as in nature the defensive qualities of a women such as jealousy and possessiveness are only advantageous during one's child bearing years. Right? So when you no longer can have children, why do you want to stay married? Because you love your partner. Love isn't just a four letter word that binds two people forever. Immense intellectual and emotional energy must be invested in this . An intellectual relationship, from a man's perspective, is the only reason to stay with a woman after her child bearing years. Male fertility lasts much longer and so its dysfunction is negligible at best in regard to my argument, barring ED which is not inevitable (a man can stay fertile his whole life) but a medical condition that would be irrelevant to my point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): i dont feel insecure until i catch him looking. today we were having a nice day out until i caught him and he made it really obvious,looked at this girl about three times, trying to get quick glances in. i made snide comments after we walked past a restaurant and he said'mmm something smells nice and i said" YEAH SMELLS LIKE NICE ARSE RUMP STEAK'cos the whole perving thing put me in a foul mood! i will admit it made me feel insecure and we ended up leaving instead of going out to eat.he blew up at me in the car saying "ive got major issues and im so insecure" and maybe he's right that im insecure but i never feel inscure until this happens. i cant help it if it makes me feel like shit.tho i am quite pretty myself,i dont like thinking he finds other people better looking! i know its absurd but then....he did make it obvious to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I've been married 29 years to my husband. He is 9 years older than me, handsome and very self assured. Women find him attractive and he loves to flirt with them and even some of my friends have openly pursued him (friends no more - ha ha) and he has been flattered but been put off once they start their pursuit. Alas, he ogles. I am average height, long blond hair and am called "cute" and still get embarrassed about being complimented and feel very uncomfortable when men ogle me.
As much as I love and adore my husband it has started to affect our marriage more and more as the years went by. WE have a great sex life (so there goes that assumption) hug and kiss a lot and he often pays me compliments which now I find rather hollow, due to his ogling. If only he knew that. So much so that I think up any excuse not to go out together in public and often even short-change myself so as to avoid the hurt and feeling of "no matter how much he loves me, I'll never be good enough" when in public together. No more concerts, less dinners out, movies mostly at home, he runs errands by himself and all because I want to avoid his roving eye as we drive about, walk on the side walk got into shops. When I ask him about it he either denies it and gets annoyed or just clams up. Around me he does not leer and drool but he certainly does try and catch the eye of the attractive woman he is looking at and gets a sort of dreamy, pleased with himself look if she does. It's devastating. Even though it hurts me enormously, he still can't seem to help himself. GUYS, IF YOU KNEW HOW MUCH IT HURT you would not do it. I shed a few tears when I read the feelings and experiences of other women on this site, and my desperation and sadness today made me seek out this page by googling this question.
I make sure we sit in a restaurant where he has the least view of the room or wherever we are; dread going to parties and sometimes at night cry myself to sleep if we've been together that day and it's happened and I feel particularly sensitive that day. The weirdest thing is he is utterly attentive and devoted to me when we are alone. But when we are out, if he sees an attractive women heading our way, he will even let go of my hand. Quite incredible. I agree with so many of the answers on this blog - women have been used as sex symbols to sell anything and everything on the planet and men are wired to ogle now and have to work at it to stop the addiction and women have to win back their self esteem and individual uniqueness as each of us are sentient beautiful human beings. Big business and fashion have taken that away from us. It is heartbreaking to me that we are all sisters and experience such hurt. Next time this happens (it just happened today after a wonderful lunch together downtown and after kissing me he caught the eye of a tall pretty young woman over my shoulder ) I'll think of us all and feel more solidarity with you out there who find this so painful too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and be well and I wish you all wonderful things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): I was in a relationship for 7 years but the relationship was not working well anymore (not for ogling). I met this new guy who apparently fell in love completely with me. I took all my courage and left my long term relationship for the new one. I was really in love and maybe a crazy one but I wanted to follow my heart. I thought I found the man of my life finally, my real soul mate. I still think he was.But after a few months we were together, I realized that the new one’s habit was ogling every attractive woman. I accepted this for a few months, and told him about my feelings but, when he started to make some comments on those women, I felt really uncomfortable and I could not trust him anymore. I always considered respect as a very important part of a serious relationship. Ogling and commenting at other women in front of me was luck of respect toward me. I don’t mind if he just looks and if he ogles when he is with his friends. Can you imagine if he behaves like this in front of his kids? So I decided to leave him. We split and I hurt myself so much! After nine months, I am not over yet, I am single (I want to be single for a while) but I still believe respect is important. No regrets for my decision, just very hurt….Testosterone or not guys must realize that, sometimes, they can damage a relationship with this kind of behavior.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): I was in a relationship for 7 years but the relationship was not working well anymore (not for ogling). I met this new guy who apparently fell in love completely with me. I took all my courage and left my long term relationship for the new one. I was really in love and maybe a crazy one but I wanted to follow my heart. I thought I found the man of my life finally, my real soul mate. I still think he was.
But after a few months we were together, I realized that the new one’s habit was ogling every attractive woman. I accepted this for a few months, and told him about my feelings but, when he started to make some comments on those women, I felt really uncomfortable and I could not trust him anymore. I always considered respect as a very important part of a serious relationship. Ogling and commenting at other women in front of me was luck of respect toward me. I don’t mind if he just looks and if he ogles when he is with his friends. Can you imagine if he behaves like this in front of his kids? So I decided to leave him. We split and I hurt myself so much! After nine months, I am not over yet, I am single (I want to be single for a while) but I still believe respect is important. No regrets for my decision, just very hurt….
Testosterone or not guys must realize that, sometimes, they can damage a relationship with this kind of behavior.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Married men that go out with other women are sick! The married guy always has a line----------------it is usually that they do not get sex at home. If the guy would stay home and communicate with their wife. It is always the wife,s fault-------------------if it is so bad at home why do they married? I will tell you why, very simple the men want the best of both worlds. The wife alot of times believe what their husband tells hime. WISE UP WOMEN. IF THE MAN CHEATS MAKE THE MAN PAY
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): I agree with the woman. I don't mind if my husband looks at attractive people, women or men. I think it is a natural thing. I do it too with no disrespect to my husband. The human face and body can be a thing of beauty and to restrict myself or others to glance or observe is selfish and childish. We all do it with movie stars and celebrities. I think this world would be a nicer place if people were more tolerant of others and not be so thin skinned. I fell good about myself and my husband loves me and takes care of my needs so whats the problem ? And my sex life is my own business and doesn't need to be shared in an open forum like this one. Don't kiss and tell all of our secret ladies !
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Sorry, to the female who said it's ok for men to do it and we should give them oral - get real sister. And sorry, when you confirm your Doctorate on your expert opinion, I might be more inclined to listen, but as for now, men are not some alien species; if they are offending their women by their actions, then it is wrong and I'm sure the last thing the woman wants to do when he has offended her by eyeing up other women in her presence is give him a bj. Now, Doctor Phil, who does have a Doctorate, suggests that men's behaviour can be trained. Therefore, if he is a jerk and eyes up a women in front of you, walk away from the behaviour (ie just go home and leave him to it). Do this every time and as in the words of Doctor Phil, he will realise the poker stakes just got higher._
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): ACCTUALY I AM INQUIRING ABOUT MY SON,WHO IS TRYING TO GET HIS MARRIAGE BACK BECAUSE OF HIS CONSTANT CHEATING.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): My boyfriend looks at other women all the time and I don't have a problem at all with it. I look at other men. Its a natural thing. We are civilized but are still animals driven by instincts instilled in us by our ancestors over the milliniums. It is natures way of survival,thru procreation. Most men still have that instincts as do women, that why we dress the way we do, tight low-cut dresses, tiny little bathing suits. Its to draw attention to us. Young or old,fat or skinny, we do it to attract attention to ourself. Then men look at us.Much like the colorful feathers on a bird. It does no harm unless he acts on it and pursues the woman. That rarely happens as men are more visual than women and merely gaze or look at others. We women should not make more out of this then it is. From the tone of most of the female letters I have read, it appears that most of the letters are written by low esteem women that act jealous if their men look at other women. But that's another topic completely. If he's true to you and not an all out ass, don't make more out of his glances then what they are. Dress a little more sexy and take care of your man at home (Tip:they love oral sex)
and you will see your relationship bloom into a lovely union and you will feel better about yourself too !
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I googled male oggling because I was literally forced out of a restaurant by male oggling. This was a restaurant I frequented daily. First a young male waiter would greet me with hugs, rubbing my arms, grabbing me to show his "appreciation" for my patronage. I brushed him off and refused to engage him after that. I then realized I couldn't be open or even friendly as a friendly hello in response to another friendly hello from a waiter would result in further intrusions. The other men in the restaurant joined in on the fun and I had to endure the whole pack of them -- male managers/waiters-- sit at a table and just stare at me the whole time I was there.
It's awful. I have no idea how to respond to men who do this. It seems so intrusive when they just stare at you. One of the male waiters continued to try to engage me. When I ignored him, he said he knew the men were always space and when I agreed, telling him I didn't appreciate the staring and attempted touching, I was thrown out of the restaurant, so they could cover their asses.
Men need to assume personal responsibility. If I go jogging or power walking, men drive past every few minutes asking if they can give me a ride, get a date, get directions, etc. It's awful. What do they know about me besides feeling their winkie rise by my presence, as female.
If a man ogles, get rid of him. Preserve your self esteem and self respect. Men will call you a lesbian, a man hater, neurotic, etc....but you don't want these men anyway. A good, decent man will get it...and honestly the better a woman you are, the better the man you will attract. I have noticed that the men who leer like this often wind up with women or draw women to them who play the sex power card. Let's face it, ladies, we know what kind of power our sexuality/ beauty generates as men remind us each and every day in sometimes subtle and not so sublt ways.
These men do have problems...Many are addicted to porn. Others are just immature emotionally. Many are simply low functioning and of an unsuitable mentality. Some are just sex addicted.
I have to ask you this...did any of you use sex or sexual chemistry to select your partners? If so, then you have only yourself to blame. The reason you picked each other was for animalistic reasons -- sexual chemistry. When you are a bigger person, more evolved, spiritually and mentally, you pick mates for different reasons. I know that I would not be compatible with the sort of mentality pervs have...but some men love them as they want to be the center of a man's world or they love the power they have over that man through the use/exploitation of their beauty, etc....They play little games ...in a Pavlovian way...flirt/flaunt breasts, etc. to get a reaction/get their way..and then act suprised when the same male falls prey to other women who play the same game.
Water seeks its own level. Be a woman of character and integrity and you will attract the same. I am incompatible with the types of men described in this post, but my life is full of wonderful, respectful men. I would never accept less...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): Hi there, I also have this problem and find the given answer unsatisfactorily. I do believe that men practice looking at women because they don't understand what it is doing to their own relationships (women feeling that she's not good enough, not interesting anymore etc). Men are in general very selfish. They assume that they have the right to 'look'. If this was written in the marriage contract, very few women would have signed it, and where would they be then? No, I believe that society has given men the 'right' to look because it gets accepted as 'part of being a male'. Instead, men should be taught the value of prizing their own marriage and being faithful to their wife in ALL aspects. Testosterone cannot be blamed for everything, it is just an inflated excuse.In today's society the female body is used to sell everything, from icecream to cars. I believe that is because it appeals to men and therefore the media coins in on it. If men could be strong enough to deny themselves the pleasure of looking, all these tactics will not work. I firmly believe that women should not just accept this as the inevitable. Just 'learn to live with it' is accepting it as something that cannot be changed. Anyone can change if they have a good insight in what it does to their wife, and also has enough love for her to acknowledge that it is just a very very selfish passion they are responding to. If us women wanted to, we could also do many things that are 'purely women' and due to our 'estrogen levels' eg the need to have sex in order to have babies. There is no excuse for men to look if they have a happy marriage which includes a healthy sex life and a wife that cares about how she presents herself. Women should stand up for their rights. They should not condone women exposing themselves in order to get attention from other males, married or unmarried. An men should consider what marriage is about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): This problem bothered me so much that I did some research into why men like to ogle even though they love their wife/girlfriend. The reason men do it is basically because it is an addiction to them. Men are designed to respond to visual stimuli, especially the female form in a young, healthy or fertile looking state. Hence, men will respond to a lot of women. This, they can't help as when they notice someone physically attractive, the reward pathways in their brain produces dopamine (same pleasure chemical produced when taking drugs or having sex)increasing heart rate and blood flow to the organs and serotonin (the feel good chemical produced when you eat chocolate). The dopamine/serotonin effect is designed to captivate the male so much that they loose control and block out everything else except what they have set their sights on (including a 10 year marriage and any offspring!!)This is natures way of attracting men to females to ensure reproduction. The more testostorone a male has and the more physically attractive he finds the female, the greater his response will be and the more difficult it will be to control his reaction.
The dopamine effect feels so good that, like taking drugs, it is addictive and that is why men go to great lengths to look at beautiful women and female anatomy. Women have low levels of testostorone so the dopamine reaction would be practically insignificant.
It is not impossible for males to control their reaction but it would take months of brain training techniques to enable them to do it and would be extremely difficult in todays society where sexuality is waved in their faces all day long.
The fact that males do this does not mean that they don't love you or find you attractive. That doesn't make it easy to deal with, I know, but it's a fact of life and one you would need to deal with no matter who you date/marry.
I spoke to my other half about how uncomfortable it makes me feel and he is making a conscious effort to tone it down especially when he is in my company. If your partner loves you, he should do the same but bear in mind that giving up this habit would be as diffult as if not more difficult than giving up drugs. It would be like waving drugs in front of
a drug addict all day long and expecting them to give up the habit.
If it's any consolation, ogling women is a sign that your man has got healthy testostorone levels and will mean that he is capable of having a healthy sexual relationship with you. If he didn't do it, chances are he won't be up for it in bed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): i have never understood it myself. All i know is that it bothers me when my boyfriend does it. I know he loves me but it still hurts that im not the center of his attention all the time. I honestly believe that men are like dogs and that they cant control thier instincts. They love their wife or girlfriend but their always "sniffing" or checking out the scene. It sucks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): I am dumping my sleazy ogler. I have had 2 out of 13 total boyfriends in my life who have done this. One I dumped after a few months because it was so offensive. One I was dumb enough to marry (he started it after we got married).
Some men are glancers (a glance, and away) and some are 'trackers', they stare hungrily as if they are starving to death and use side view and rear view mirrors and stuff and subterfuge, follow them in the supermarket aisles to see what their other bits and what their faces look like. They think we do not notice this and deny that they do it. This guy also likes teen porn and especially stares at teen schoolgirls with their bare legs, he is like a kid in a candy shop when he goes to town and all the high school girls are getting out of class and walking through the town.
I tried to avoid travelling with him but really don't you want to be able to walk around in public (especially with a partner) and enjoy yourself and not be grinding your teeth? Want to travel in your old age? Want to travel with an ogler? No. They make your peregrinations miserable with their drooling. The feeling that you are starving him because he needs that variety so much is not nice either.
Looking forward to dumping this jerk soon. Just moved out and it feels SO good to just walk around town and enjoy walking, you know? it's not just people-watching. The women who are complaining here are talking about a certain pervy voyeuristic behavior that is worse than what the average guy does.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): let me tell you a funny tale.I once worked in an office, and this guy used to stare at women, and sometimes the girls would comment that he fancied them and similar comments in this post. Well I could have laughed, one day in the office, he turned around to one woman and said very absent mindedly, "when you were younger I bet you were really attractive." Which of course made 2 other girls giggle, one of those girls commented very brazenly trying to be a bit bitchy toward the girl in question (who was actually still very attractive, young or not in that really irriting way, very natural and a nice person to boot), and in response he turned around to her and said," oh my god you are younger than her? I thought you were older." Her face nearly fell through the floor. Well I sat there and I had to stifle my laughter at how womans vanity leaves them ripe and open to this blunder sometimes. Sometimes women are so connviniced that every man is looking at them thinking they are beautiful when the truth is people are weighing things up mentally. I will never forget that and now when I see men looking at women I honestly know that women always seem to think that men are only looking becuase they fancy you which to a confident women puffs the female ego and to an insecure woman makes her feel uncomfortable, actually men do a lot of sizing up about a lot of things,( they build houses for god sake,sizing up is part of their nature) and about gaining perspective about people around them, their attentions may not always be what you think both postive and negative, truth is until it comes out of their mouth you never really know. Another tale i remember was I once went out with a gang of males, which was a brilliant night out, but there was one girl they all kept looking at, which I thought, honestly was a lust thing, when they got outside, they got chatting about it and it seemed that they were wondering whether or not she was actually a man. i could not beleive how ugly the humour was about it( they were pretty cruel), but again it just went to show they were weighing up other possibilties, no ones said phwoar check her out. So men are not always being that lovely to tell you the truth, in fact men can be pretty bitchy themselves when it suits them, usually if they like a woman you will get some look of approval or a grope or a comment ( well hello there, to which you usually give them the eye of death and walk away), but just oggling, well i have heard some pretty shocking things and it can go both ways. Women need to stop being so vain, you may be attractive, but men also like to have a joke at others expense, so beware on taking yourself far too seriously. I learnt so much from those experiences, it taught me the ugly truth is that people judge you on all levels and it can be less complimentary than you think. Sorry to piss on a proverbial bonfire. Men oggle for all reasons, unless it is obvious like they are really looking at your tits or they make a phwoar comment, you can not always predict what people are thinking aobut and be quite surprised at what they come out with. One guy who used to stare at me, turned to his friend and said, "you know mate, I don't know what I think about black people" well can you imagine. No neither could I all I did know is I didn't expect that one. It knocked my socks off to be honest, cheeky swine. funny though. frigging hilarity.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): let me tell you a funny tale.I once worked in an office, and this guy used to stare at women, and sometimes the girls would comment that he fancied them and similar comments in this post. Well I could have laughed, one day in the office, he turned around to one woman and said very absent mindedly, "when you were younger I bet you were really attractive." Which of course made 2 other girls giggle, one of those girls commented very brazenly trying to be a bit bitchy toward the girl in question (who was actually still very attractive, young or not in that really irriting way, very natural and a nice person to boot), and in response he turned around to her and said," oh my god you are younger than her? I thought you were older." Her face nearly fell through the floor. Well I sat there and I had to stifle my laughter at how womans vanity leaves them ripe and open to this blunder sometimes. Sometimes women are so connviniced that every man is looking at them thinking they are beautiful when the truth is people are weighing things up mentally. I will never forget that and now when I see men looking at women I honestly know that women always seem to think that men are only looking becuase they fancy you which to a confident women puffs the female ego and to an insecure woman makes her feel uncomfortable, actually men do a lot of sizing up about a lot of things,( they build houses for god sake,sizing up is part of their nature) and about gaining perspective about people around them, their attentions may not always be what you think both postive and negative, truth is until it comes out of their mouth you never really know. Another tale i remember was I once went out with a gang of males, which was a brilliant night out, but there was one girl they all kept looking at, which I thought, honestly was a lust thing, when they got outside, they got chatting about it and it seemed that they were wondering whether or not she was actually a man. i could not beleive how ugly the humour was about it( they were pretty cruel), but again it just went to show they were weighing up other possibilties, no ones said phwoar check her out. So men are not always being that lovely to tell you the truth, in fact men can be pretty bitchy themselves when it suits them, usually if they like a woman you will get some look of approval or a grope or a comment ( well hello there, to which you usually give them the eye of death and walk away), but just oggling, well i have heard some pretty shocking things and it can go both ways. Women need to stop being so vain, you may be attractive, but men also like to have a joke at others expense, so beware on taking yourself far too seriously. I learnt so much from those experiences, it taught me the ugly truth is that people judge you on all levels and it can be less complimentary than you think. Sorry to piss on a proverbial bonfire. Men oggle for all reasons, unless it is obvious like they are really looking at your tits or they make a phwoar comment, you can not always predict what people are thinking aobut and be quite surprised at what they come out with. One guy who used to stare at me, turned to his friend and said, "you know mate, I don't know what I think about black people" well can you imagine. No neither could I all I did know is I didn't expect that one. It knocked my socks off to be honest, cheeky swine. funny though. frigging hilarity.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): My boyfriend is constantly checking out "hot chicks" when we are together, which I find to be extremely disrespectful. I think it is perfectly normal for a guy to notice a "hot chick", but to stare at her or do a double take is not appropriate. When you are out with your gf/bf your focus should be on that person. I have never been an insecure person, but his ogling is very extreme, which makes me very insecure. I have had several boyfriends and have never had one ogle so much that it made me uncomfortable. When discussed he said he "will try, but could not make any promises". How hard is self control and respect? It does not seem very hard to me. I really like him, but if it continues I'm done. No one should settle for feeling second best, because there is someone out there that will make you feel #1.
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female
reader, totogril +, writes (22 September 2007):
Men who do that have a need
1 Some do it to get attention from other people looking
at them when there doing it.
2 Some men go of in there own world and do not realize what there doing.
3 And there are those men who could be very dangerous.
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female
reader, totogril +, writes (22 September 2007):
Men who do that have a need
1 Some do it to get attention from other people looking
at them when there doing it.
2 Some men go of in there own world and do not realize what there doing.
3 And there are those men who could be very dangerous.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): We were out to a show, my boyfriend actually bent at the waist, 4 or 5 times, to ogle a young woman's legs. At first I could not figure out what he was doing, then it dawned on me. On the way home I confronted my friend with this, he told me what an imagination I had and denied the whole scene.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I really hate this habit, my husband has been ogling ever since i met him and thats 15years,it gets to a point that i just walk away and leave him to go on with it. He says that his mind is usally far when he does this and is not thinking about the other women but i donubt that.he even told me the solution will be for me to also ogle other men i can't because i feel like i'm betraying him. I feel like breaking up with him but I ask myself is there really a man who doesn't ogle? I doubt,it's just the intensity which differs. But one thing is funny, he gets furious when someone else stares at me,i think it's because he knows what the other guy is thinking about because he does the same.The worst part is when a man ogles at a woman whose much less attractive than you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): My husband tries to be discreet when he spots an attractive woman but I still notice him looking. I have spoken to him about this and he tells me that he loves me and finds me attractive but he can't help noticing good looking people.He claims that women do it too but I don't agree that they do it in the same way. I notice good looking males but I don't feel the need to stare or imagine what they must look like naked. Men will go as far as trying to find naked pictures of celebrities they like on the internet. I've found pictures of the likes of Kylie Minogue with her nipples showing through a top and Lisa Scott Lee topless by a pool on the home PC. I was actually 8 months pregnant when I found these pictures and they did make me feel insecure and inadequate at a time when I needed to feel loved and supported. One of these picures had been sent to a cousin in an email (which I unfortunately came accross by accident)which ranted on about choosing the most attractive checkout girl at the supermarket and how attractive some of his work colleagues are. He advised his cousin not to show the picture to his girlfriend. How respectful! He even found the need to stare for ages at two attractive nurses who were changing the clothes on the bed next to me in hospital a few days after I'd given birth to our little girl (right under my nose). It upset me so much that I did a bit of internet research about why men like to ogle. I found that when men do something that encourages reproduction (including looking at attractive women or breasts, legs or bums), the reward centre in their brains are activated and this releases feel good hormones. Men literally get pleasure from looking at beautiful women and that is why very attractive women have the world at their feet (J-Lo, Kylie, models etc). There is no such activation in the reward centre of female brains when they look at attractive men. How many famous male models do you know? I accept that my husband doesn't have any emotional feelings for the women he ogles but it still pees me off when he stares at other women when in my company. I think that although looking at women is pleasurable to men, it is a controllable habit and if they can't respect you enough to control it when you're around and they know it upsets you then I think you're better off on your own. Yes, we are responsible for our own happiness so don't be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. My husband's behaviour has definitely affected our relationship, I don't see him in the same light or trust him fully, and if it weren't for our beautiful daughter, I would seriously have considered walking out on this marriage due to lack of respect. Trouble is, men are programmed to sow their seeds as much as possible and are not designed for monogamy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): The way I handle my man, is to just make the comment about the girl who has caught his eye first. This usually breaks the ice and we can discuss our thoughts openly. It also avoids me feeling awkward about him noticing other women. It is perfectly normal. We notice other men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): Honestly, I don't think it's the biggest deal...I have literally the perfect guy, he's hot, smart, and so nice to me, but he will look at girls for a good 3 seconds every time we're out, I honestly think it's just a picture show to them and not a big problem unless they approach the girls they look at
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): I've read the posted replies and I don't feel any better about my "situation". I have tried to bring it up with my b/f. He constantly ooks at "young scantily dressed females". Interesting enoough, his daughter dresses like that and comments that she should wear more clothes. Interesting. The only answer he has about the double standard is "well, she's my daughter". How does that work exactly? I'm okay with people watching - I do it. As a result of his behavior, I told him I don't trust him anymore. I'm feeling used. I've thought of it and it isn't really fair for me to change him. He says he wants to be with me but frankly (blah blah blah)but I don't want to go in public with him anymore because of how he is. It looks doomed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Yes, it is to boost their ego and to feel more secure within themselves.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): All I can say is give these men "THE OGLERS BOOT", they aren't worth going out with
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