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female
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anonymous
writes: Why do married men look at porn? I have an agreement with my husband (of 9 years)that strip clubs, magazines, movies and surfing the net is fine...but i found a subscription to a web site that featured one girl. I found this to be pushing it. I'm no spring chicken but i do take care of myself and dress up for him and offer to change it up...he just isn't interested. Why would he be more comfortable with a stranger? A man'a perspective would be appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): I am A man and i think men look at porn for enjoyment not because they loose intrest in their partners, its simple enjoyment the same as sports. most women dont watch or know much about sports or simply dont understand when men spit out scores stats and dated events of highlighted moments that get us men all hipe but some women get it and those are usually the ones that are okay with it. porn is interesting and stimulating to men cause most men want simple stimulation and enjoyment, at the same time watching other people have sex is a dirty visual mostly because the people on the screen are strangers and share monents such as orgsama and emotions that are otherwise personal to a couple and should be behind closed doors and to watch the reaction, facial expression moans and grunts of sexual satisfaction of another person having sex creates a desire that is fulfilled. most porn stars do what ever the mind could think of and when you find the kind of porn that stimulates those desires you tend to find more desires to intrest you making it what some say is addictive maybe im wrong but porn is not just for men they make all kind of porn most porn has both male and female so women just give it a break if you have self issues work on them because i know that when women dont like men watching porn its because they have personal issuse whatever that may be.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): total lack of morals in society
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): For answers on why men look at porn check out http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/08/gender.weekend7
This made so much sense. Porn is about power over women, not realistic sexual experiences. The compliant women act like living poseable dolls, a fantasy which gives men who watch the feeling of competency and sexual prowess. In additon, porn users temporarily satisfy their need for intimacy, with she the non-demanding, all praising, always ready woman, making real relationships more difficult. It objectifies women and gives men unreal expectations about how to relate to women sexually.
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female
reader, Star_07  + ♥, writes (8 November 2007):
 I haven't heard of that particular one, but I do know there are all sorts of mating strategies found throughout nature. There is some sort of duck that has two male partners: one for a sperm donor and one for rearing the offspring. And there are plenty of other examples of monogomy, polygamy, and androgyny, and other forms of sexuality. When it comes to humans, I think our best bet is at least long lasting relationships. So why do they need instant gratification and variety as others have said? Why is the woman supposed to be virtuous while the man can do/see just about whatever he desires? Man's world! Ugh! So, I came to this site looking for answers. Should I accept it or reject it? Even if its not detrimental to the relationship?
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reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (7 November 2007):
 I will agree StarO7...the evolutionary theory should 'only' apply to 'some animal species. Not all animals are determined to spread the sperm around liberally. Did you know that 'gorillas' mate only with one female, these big apes find no need to spread their seed around. It appears some animal species are indeed, more monogomous and loyal than a lot of humans are, after all. lol Go figure!
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female
reader, Star_07 + ♥, writes (7 November 2007):
Right on Irish49. Thats what makes us different from animals! I wouldn't go as far as to state that evolutionary theory is bullshit though. The problem is when people try to apply it to humans. If anyone has ever taken one minute to think about why men produce so much sperm in the first place then they might have a better grasp on what is in our true nature. As far as why men look at porn? I do not understand it myself! On the one hand, I get that men are visual but I feel like most women, repulsed by it. It's bad, bad, and BAD! It's not as bad as cheating though. It objectifies women, gives a false impression, and strengthens our complexes created by society. By the way...its a patriarchy. Hmmm...sounds like we are stuck in this institution until our whole society shifts. Won't happen in my time, Im sure. So what are we to do? When its not an addiction and not totally ruining our relationship?
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reader, Irish49 + ♥, writes (7 November 2007):
Female anon below me: You do not know how much I totally, agree with your words! I too, feel this scientific evolutionary theory is such a bunch of bullcrap. I have heard it so many times on this website and I just groan inwardly whenever I do. Just one more lame, weak excuse to give males a reason to cheat.
"Why did I boink this other woman, dear? Gee, I dunno...maybe because I have this uncontrollable need to spread my semen all over the place?" lol I always chuckle when I hear the stupidity of that rationale.
Humans are humans. Men-women, anyone of both genders are responsible for their poor behaviors. Those who cheat are simply making concious, clear cut, stupid choices to do so and to that I will state, *sigh* that they are just a lot unthinking, self involved people out there, who can't keep their pants on and their hormones in check and not care about the values of their family and not exercising some courage. They just want the 'goodies' now and right now and who the hell cares whose lives they devastate to get there. So utterly sad. Plain and simple.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Who ever told you that evolutionary theory says that men are not meant to be monogomous and have the need to spread their seed? Think again buddy. For the ultimate survival of the species, children should be raised in a secure relationship (not to say anything bad about the single parents or divorced). Its about the ideal situation for kids.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I feel some married men or committed boyfriends look at porn out of boredom in their sexual lives or addiction to sex, even if the sex is mental and with themselves. I met a man at work. He lives in Florida, I live in California. I think he thought I had a nice voice originally, and he started emailing me at work, and because he is in the IT dept at work he had access into my computer, and would come in to my system, and talk sexy sort of porn things to me. I guess I get involved, because I thought we were friends, and I have to admit I enjoyed writing, and he enjoyed the sexual things I wrote. He has a girlfriend, my ex boyfriend sent her the emails, and she seems fine with it. I however, feel like the dirty little secret at work. I want to tell personel at work, because I feel bad to keep quiet. He just expects me to shut up about it. It makes feel bad, and ugly now. He even sent me nude pictures of himself!! Hard to believe. I consider him a sex addict, I also think he flirts with the idea of cheating, and thats whats next for his little girlfriend. Should I go to the job about this? I wouldn't care if I lost the job. I think he should have consequence for his actions. What does anyone else think?
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reader, nitanita  +, writes (23 July 2007):
hi there,I have a boyfriend who i do care a lot for, Itry to please him with all matters,and we have been living happily together for 6 months now!unfortunately not long a go i found his porn collection on his laptop. I was just shocked as i really Did Not Expect Him to do such a thing,a huge collection with fitness models. He is always a type of person who critiseses such things and i can say is somhow religious!he says that he feels guilt and is upset with this obsession but can't help it! have counceled a psycolog too! I had also started weight traing as i knew he was attracted to it !Now im really confused, he says that he loves me and they are all just his fantasies, though confessed that he also masturbates after looking at them about once a week, what should i do!? i cant accept this as i do feel disturbed and insulted , although i know that all guys watch porn but i wish he was not obsessed with it this way! 3GB fitness models pictures that he does not like to delete even for me!"and he says he really loves me!please give me some advice, im fed upp with reading others similar problems and just getting more stressed!advice seeker!Nita
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): A male reader writes
The last line is a major key, if the man could turn to his woman for his needs. All too often the woman is more interested in her needs and may not even understand that the man has needs as well. The selfish woman wants to be loved unconditionally, yet she places all kinds of conditions on not only sex, but the entire relationship. Most if not all of the conditions are geared toward the needs of the woman and are so often so enormous that they are or seem unfulfillable to the man. When the woman’s needs are such an obsession to her that she can’t or won’t understand that her man also has needs that need to be met as well it creates a situation that the man feels like he can never satisfy or meet the needs of the woman, he knows that his needs will never be met until he does, and that will never happen.
Porn as hollow and false as it is represents a woman who is willing to give herself unconditionally, the success of porn comes from giving men all over the world the illusion that the women love them and are willing to do what ever it takes to fill his needs. There are no conditions, anger, arguing, accusations, harassment belittling. Etc.
As the above reader stated… Just like a man in love wants to make his woman happy and fulfilled...a woman wants to do the same thing. Or at least the woman should want the same thing. If the woman however is so focused on her own wants and needs, it becomes impossible, or at least seem impossible to the man to ever make her happy or fulfilled consequently he will never be happy or fulfilled either. When this happens most men turn to some allturnative or at the very least the relationship becomes estranged.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): I've been married for 5 years to a beautiful women, and yes I'm "addicted" to porn. Porn is an addiction and porn is cheating. It is a horrible addiction. If you ask your husband to stop, he might because you asked him to, but he will still want to. Some men are addicted to alcohol, adrenaline, work, whatever, drugs, food, or porn. It's going to be something. On a biological level, certain things release endorphines, chemicals in a man's brain, there are certain stimulus that cause more endorphines to be released. For me it's porn and lust. When I'm looking at porn, I can masturbate multiple times, with multiple release, it's totally lust driven. My lust is tapped to my endorphine release. So like a lab monkey given a drug at tapping a lever. I will keep hitting those keys to keep those good feelings to release in my mind.I have never told my wife, but I'm been masturbating like an animal since I was young. If I'm not doing it, I want to, I need my fix, just like a druggie. When you look at porn, you have to constantly look at more and more porn, different porn, variety, and it gets more intense, the same porn will not do it for you. Ask you husbands if they look at the same pornsite, over and over, yes and no. They constantly look at more and more porn. So when women say they want to try spicing things up, for variety, it wont work, why? because you cant offer the same variety that the porn can offer. teens, asians, blacks, thin, skinny, young, old, fat, legs, feet, boobs, redheads, blondes, brunettes, tall, short, teens, maids, cheerleaders, schoolgirls, animals, anal, get the point? what can you the wife offer? well maybe some outfits, uh maybe some plastic surgery, boob job? No. you can not offer the one thing porn offers.... variety. Sad but true.I eventually cheated on my wife. I never thought I would, but after all that fantasy and porn, i wanted to take it to the next level. When i was cheating it felt great, but you know what i noticed after i cummed. the exact same feelings as with porn. I felt dirty, and i just wanted to get out of there. Porn is cheating, it's all the same, cheating with another person is just like looking at porn, you just use the women, prostittue, whoever as just a sperm receptacle, and then you leave. After that experience I'm convinced that i need to stop looking at porn, because it's ruining my marriage. Nothing my wife can do can help to reach that level of lust with porn. So it's been six months since i said i would stop looking at porn, and you know what? i cant quit. i feel so empty without looking at porn and masturbating. during the times i stopped looking (1-2 weeks) i had a memory full of porn that i would imagine as i masturbated.i dont know what the solution is, i know i nneed to quit but it is an addiction. treat it as one. of course like any other addiction, your husband will deny it's an addiction, i love hearing men's justifications for porn.i think each couple will have to deal with porn differently. i know for myself, even though i stop, i will want to look at porn or desire for lust for the rest of my life. Good luck to us all
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): wow, that is pushing it. you should give him a taste of his own medicine by doing the same things that he does to you and get even if that doesnt work then put your foot down!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): As opposed to most of the opinions here so far, from my personal stand-point. Yes men, not all mind you but most men are visually stimulated and in need of something they desire. Not need, just desire. Quite often they find and can satisfy the need. Whether it be with their mate/lover or whatever. Sometimes it doesn't happen, do to a lovers innability to perform or an unwillingness to let the act be perpetrated on her. Not always a bad thing depending on what her male counterpart wants. But as to why porn is something a (guy) wants to view. It really deals with an inter ego that he wants fullfilled and seems to need to satisfy. Not a bad thing if it's really just that. It usually gets managed by his significant other. Sometimes especially as we age it get's a new start and needs a bit of a booste. But normally it is aswaged. A good majority of men and women like the same kind of porn. The numbers are a bit off, go figure, what woman alive is willing to admit she likes porn as much as a man.....but and it isn't intrinsic. It's just normal, we all want to see something new and fantasize about it. How many times does your wife think of someone else when she's doing the nasty with you......Talk dirty to me? If she's refined, she get's offended and stops you if you do talk nasty to her, yet you make love the next night or even in the morning.........Why would she do that if she was that offended.........You know why......your not the only one.......Mostly from the ppl I've talked to, It's a matter of comparison. Most guy's compare the porn. Not making sence? Well, they have a wife/g/f or just someone they want. They tend to look up porn to see similar women who are doing things they want or are doing. Little or lots of ego involved. But most guys will take pictures of himself and his lover and as long as she takes them with him will never go out looking for more porn. I'm still working on an answer for that particular thing.....so please give me a bit of time.......till then I hope you have a fullfilling sex life with your partner, if not ...........You need to find someone who will make your life jump......
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2006): I am in a relationship of 20 years. We met at highschool and we are only 37years old. A few years ago I discovered that my partner was using pornography. I was absolutely devasted. I honestly thought that he was different even after 19years. He made me feel like I was the only one he wanted and that he didnt need to stare at other women when we were out or certainly need to use porn as an alternative to real sex. The thing is I worked hard to keep the spice in our relationship.We have 3 children and I had hardly lost the shape of my body. I was very fortunate.I would always dress up for him and tease him often.we'd watch porn together sometimes. Id give him sex, even when I didnt feel like it. The sex was always for his satisfaction only, he never tried to help satisfy me properly. When I hit him up about using the porn he flatly denied it. It was then I started to become obsessed by trying to catch him out when using it. Id set up the porn tapes in certain positions and know if they had been moved or used.It didnt matter how many times I hit him up about using it he would alwsays deny it.I was just so hurt to discover that he had this other side of his life.We attended swingers parties every so often and it didnt bother me when he was with another woman. We had 3somes as well. 2 girls and him. This is why I cant understand why he would need to use the porn. I beleive he was addicted to it as I kept catching him out and it didnt seem to matter how much I told him it hurt he kept on doing it. I once found him masturbating one night over an actress on a dvd movie that we hired that night. He went down to the lounge and masturbated over this actress. Again,,,I was devastated. Why wouldnt he just have sex with me? Why didnt he masturbate over the pics I took of myself instead of all the magazines he used?His excuse was he forgot he had the pics of me. That made me feel just great! He told me once, after I asked him, that he thought of having sex with the women he saw on the porn videos. It was horrible. We separated for awhile as I couldnt handle all the lies,continuous use of the porn and the hurt that kept continuing. But he still used the porn even after we separated. We have since reunited but our relationship is certainly not what it used to be and I refuse to dress up in lingerie or tease him anymore.Sometimes it just doesnt matter how good you are or what you do to keep that spark in your sex life they continue doing it, I felt I was never good enough and even if I looked gorgeous it didnt stop him from fantasizing about other women. 5 years later and i still battle with what he did. It jst makes you think about what other things he does. Its a horrible cloud to be hanging over your head all the time. Does anyone else feel the same?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): Why do married man look at porn?
For the same reason single men look at porn: because is there and because we can... particularly now with the internet around.
Is it wrong? -It depends on each person's perception of the matter. But most likely, it is...let's face it, porn is a pretty nasty business, which gives it taboo status and therefore, makes it quite appealing.
Men look at porn because they enjoy it, plain and simple. It is fun, entertaining and hot to look at people having sex and for straight men, to look at naked woman who are in the prime of their fertility. There is no mistery.
Does it degrade and objectify woman? -You bet.
Are most woman who engage in it pretty messed up? -You bet.
If men did not consume it, porn wouldn't exist as the nasty degrading monster it is? -You bet.
Is it still fun, entertaining and hot? -You bet.
Do we feel bad, guilty, etc about it? -You bet.
The fact that porn is such a shady and degrating deal should make it repulsive or at least uninteresting, and yet, for tons of men, if not most, it is quite hard to resist. One more human contradiction.
I don't know if the vast majority of men who look at porn are thinking things like "i wish my wife/girlfriend had an ass like that one" while they stare at the screen, but they probably are, at least sometimes.
However I am sure many times, for many men, the next thought is "well, my girlfriend/wife's ass has its charms as well...can't wait to say hello to it".
Many times, porn is not that different from a video game: lots of thrilling visual stimulation but is all fantasy.
Do women ever fantasize about sex? -My money is on "yes".
Are women's fantasies different? -Probably most of the time.
Does that make women better/superior than men? -Perhaps.
So if your boyfriend/husband looks at porn with moderate frequency, and you both are still intimate and having fun in the sack, IMO the porn thing doesn't represent a threat to you. Whether or not it is wrong, unacceptable, cheeting, etc, is for you to decide.
However, if your significant other is not interested in being intimate with you, and/or complains about your looks, and/or watches or owns a lot of porn, it seems to me that there are issues in the relationship. While porn may be the cause, I would say that 7 times out of 10 it is not the cause but a manifestation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): Thing is men know we dont like it so of course they are never going to be staight up about it... I have always been very open with my man, to the same point as the last poster, pics poses, videos and some very naughty stuff, and he used that for a while but later on it ends up the same, they want variety apparently and a quick fix. Thing i dont get is why ?? I mean I can masturbate without the need for a pic of naked men, so why do they need one ? what is it that makes them think its okay to do as they are no hurting anyone as they are not cheating! My man is the same, looks at porn whenever i am not here, only this time around we are not having sex either, no matter how inviting i am, no matter what i do, hes just not intersted or busy!! So why do men actually choose a screen over a real life sexy naked body that will rock thier boat the right way ? It does not make any sense to me, im always ready for sex with my man, but he couldnt care less, so what the hell is up with them ? And from experience, it is a very rare man that does not look at porn, very rare indeed, most that say they dont really do, they just aint gonna fess up.. yes my man admits it, but it dont make it right!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): I came across this forum after a debate with my boyfriend last night. I have had 3 serious relationships in my life and its safe to say that those relationships made me who i am. I have a two year old little boy and the father had cheated on me which eventually ended our relationship. I have always been open in every relationship ive been in. I'm an extremely over obsessive when it comes to my apperance. I'm a model, so i can at least say I'm definately no dog. However as almost every mother knows i have imperfections from pregnancy. I started dating a guy 5 months ago and had gotten close so fast. We are totally in love with each other. I made bets with previous boyfriends and never had a problem . . . these bets were completely execptable by my old boyfriends they were actually happy and excited i brought such a thing up. . . my thing was if they ever felt i wasnt giving them what they needed they would tell me. . . i want to know. . . i would do what ever i could to avoid any situation of porn watching or anything else. . . I took photots daily if not weekly of myself just for them. . . since im a photographer i loved doing this. . . and of course seeing their reactions was always nice. . . so i told my new boyfriend from the start about how anti porn i was and he agreed with me that he would only look at the photos i gave him. . . i thought for any guy this would be a pretty sweet deal. but i went on his computer last night i guess u could say snooping but more so curious if i could trust him or not. . . and of course what did i find. . . . porn. . . is it strange that my heart broke? i felt stepped on. . . and lied to. . . is that strange. . . i just want to know what goes through a guys head when sitting there typing in "sexy celebrity" or so on. . . do ur girlfriends go through ur head at all? do u feel guilty? what if u found ur girlfriend looking at other really hot naked men? would u feel the same or would u just play it cool and say it wouldnt bother u.? What more do men want from women? besides the fact that we already have to be the perfect woman to get any of ur attention. . . as i sit here and think what guys would be dying for me or my photos i dont want to move on from my new boyfriend but i'm not going to change im a huge feminist and totally have my own opinions. . . i want to make sure im not the only one so dead strong about this subject. ... anybodys help would be appreciated. . .
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): Hi Martini, Ms anti porn here...it was really funny cause I hadnt checked in for weeks and today decided to have a peep at this forum to see if anyone else had added their comments...Yes I agree I am VERY anti porn but I also think that the way you have thought out and pondered another side of this issue is sooo great...Im not saying that we agree cause clearly we dont completely but hey thats fine,,, I have always felt that the vast majority of porn including hustler and the like are bad, mainly because I studies gender issues at university where I was exposed to stats abou the really high rate of these actresses who were sexually abused as kids. (somthing like 96percent) so I never felt like they were in emotonal space to make healthy decsions for themselves. (i mean what self respecting woman would do that right) I couldnt (and still cant get past the fact) that some people will ignore these stats for their own sexual pleasure....I guess that was my political arguement against it...Then last year I was hit a little more closely to home when my husband of 12 years was found to have been using porn after becoming increasingly critical of my appearance. It wasnt things that could be really easily changed. He began complaining that my breasts wernt as perky as a 20yr old porn women and I had stretch marks (Ive had 4 kids) We ended up in counseling...and now Im considering leaving. Not only was I hurt by hisd comments but also because he knew my feelings on this issues from the beginning. Anyway I hope that helps you understand a little why I feel so strongly on this subject even if we dont completely agree. Once again I think its great that you are clearly such a reflective person.
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reader, martini +, writes (10 October 2006):
 Actually, I gave it some further thought over the last few weeks. I'll comment about this subject in an objective PoV...
It makes sense that a guy shouldn't 'need' to look at porn if he is with someone. That someone should complete him, or at the very least, compliment him and vice versa. Unfortunately, many relationships on this planet aren't 'perfect'. That's what makes us all human - with these swirling emotions of passion, desire, yearning, temptations, and such.
Aside from the points that Ms. Anti-Porn made about the degradation of women in porn, I think being single and watching porn is fine. I still support tasteful porn - eg: Playboy, Hustler, 88 Square, etc. Being in an intimate relationship - if both partners accept it and benefit from it one way or another on a mutual basis, then that is whatever they accept as partners. That's good too.
However, if a man or a woman is already in a relationship, then possibly, for whatever reason, maybe it's not too considerate for a guy to look at porn in the first place, even if she accepts it. Unless of course, there is some form of further encouragement, as I know some females and males do that.
In principle, I think it *can* be wrong for a guy to look at porn while in a deeper relationship, but I wouldn't say it's absolutely right to say a guy cheats because he looks at porn. I think this still depends on how he uses that porn. Just as an alcoholic would use booze to fill up his life, a porn addict would look at porn to fill up his. I think rather for him or her to drink his/her life away or abuse his/her partner's emotions (depending) continuously, maybe s/he should work on trying improve on the relationship instead. If not, break-up. S/he can either find someone better, or maybe that may teach you to be a better lover if given the chance to be better in the future.
I understand why men and women look at porn during a relationship, but I guess it's inexcusable to do so. As with most of my suggestions for other topics, I advise you all to keep an open communication with your loved ones. If you feel your love is waivering, maybe you need to sit down - just the two of you and talk things through. Maybe even brainstorm some ideas to make the relationship work. If things are difficult, you can always go to friends and family, and even here at DearCupid.org.
If things really don't work out, it's time to save each other further heart-breaks and just call it all off. If you have children to think about, maybe you should all stop whatever family-destroying issues and work on the good of the family. Our children mainly follow by example. Give them something look up to, rather than sit on your asses and play video games, jerk off to porn, and eat snacks and drink booze in front of the small screen. If you're a dad or a mom, take your children outside, show them what life and the world is about. Show them the choices they may face and have.
[ponders]
What do you all think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): Could a male reply to this please::
Few curious questions?
= Does man looks at porn because he is bored/he doesnt find his wife/gf interested anymore?
= WHat do you think when you are watching porn? ( Things like nice boobs, good ass, I want her, I would exchange her for my wife, what? Do men think while they watch porn?)
= Does it happen, if you have sex with your wife/gf afterwards the porn/or any other time that you are thinking about those women you have seen on tv/pc/... and not your woman??
Please re. Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): I am so confused. I went to work today and when I came back I found my BF of 5 years watching porn. Again. I had a long discussions with him how much it upsets me before, and he said he understood. I did not used to hate porn. BUt since he has cheated, I kind of became too " moralised". I used to like watching porn, but now it just gives me headache, mostly as I am thinking what is he thinking when he is watching all those good looking women. And if he fantasizes about them afterwards when he has sex with me...? I know its my insecurity, but then, its thanks to his cheating. I get quite a lot of attention from men when I go out. Meaning I cant be so horrible and unsexy..... But why he still needs porn??
A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006):
In looking at porn, particularly following the productions of a single porn actress, he manages to feel a hint of the excitement that he has lost, while not having to give up the emotional intimacy and devotion he has for his original partner.
WHat about us women? TO be honest, he doesnt excite me anymore too. And I was honest about it, I had a discussion with him, I can understand that after 5 years, lets face it,you get bored from both sides. BUt I came up with ideas, (toys, costumes, anything to enjoy ). But he doesnt seem to care, he just likes his 10 minutes, which I find incredibley boring, because I need longer stimulation, then he turns and sleep. WHats the point? And when I asked him about his ideas, just says he doesnt have any..... SO as far as I can see it, the only idea he has is too watch and hide porn while I am not there.
As I had a proper look around and found quite a big stash of it in a dark dingy cubboard. Plus another thing - what is now going to drive me crazy - I am white, my bf black. All the porn was black. Another thing to think about....... I think its time to be single again, to sort my head out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): Agreed that womans mags are also totally sexist and contribute to the degradation of women. Porn is the extreme example of this media. You may not see that the actresses looked forced and forced is not really the right word. They are (99percent at least from the stats) coming from a place where they are not making healthy decisions either dues to drug problems or past childhood sexual abuse... Quite simply you are saying you are happy to watch these poor souls doing porn and you dont really care enough to consider what led them to make this decsion??? Sure there may b the odd porn star from a dysfunctional family whos happy enugh to sit down and watch herself suking d... with her grandma but most would not.....theres a reason for this .. Do you really think any woman who was healthy , well adjusted and mentally sound would make the decsion to have three men penetrate her on a video....Comeon, you are being ignorant of the reality of HOW these women get there and the effects on all women simply because it serves you sexual purposes. A man with a humanitarian bone in his body would look closer and realsie that there are deeper issues here and a real man would step up to the plate and play a role by nt participating in and supporting this industry. But hey I forgot humanitarian is a dirty word to you
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reader, martini +, writes (14 September 2006):
Geez, that's what I was talking about! Ms. Anon Anti-Porn Humanitarian speaks that all porn is this and that, and that is degenerates women as a whole. Well, her ideals do not represent women as a whole. Her ideals represent men and women who do not like porn.
Looking at the ads in the fashion collection from Vogue Vanity IS degrading women. Ms. Anon Anti-Porn Humanitarian is possibly against all porn, but where as I look at porn I don't like the ones where women are forced to give head, eat cum, and look like they're choking and being man-handled and knocked around. Then again, I guess it doesn't matter - Ms. Anon Anti-Porn Humanitarian will see things in black and white. Reminds me of Hitler - if u'r not white, not straight, and physically and mentally an abomination of everything he believed in, then you're the enemy.
Enough.
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reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (14 September 2006):
 Martini you make some good points.
The hypocracy of society on this issue is mindblowing.
For example, here is a recent photoshot from a well known WOMANS magazine that is in my opinion more offensive than the majority of porn...http://www.voguevanity.it/cont/010fas/photo/default.asp
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reader, martini +, writes (14 September 2006):
Anyway, generalization of Ms. Anti-Porn Humanitarian. Contrary to your biased and limited views of me, I did read everything you said, as well as everything that every other anti-porn humanitarian has said here on DearCupid.org.
The 'equality' you speak of is something I would love to see happen. Then there are factors here people as a whole will need to do - eg: stop wearing make-up, stop buying clothes that make yourself look better, stop dying your hair - in fact, cut all your hair the same as everyone else, jewelry should be banned, anything that improves a person asthetically should be banned - anything that promotes sexuality should be banned - possibly even burned. Mao and his revolution comes to mind for some reason.
Books on romance, with tasteful nudes, or nudity at all should be banned and burned. Everything that promotes sexiness - in people or in objects should be banned. Bikinis, lingerie, thongs, high heels, bathing suits, etc should all be banned. Long rise jeans, dockers, button-up polo shirts, exercise gyms, all forms of sports that reveal men and women as sweaty people should be banned.
I imagine gray, dull, a world with controlled emotions... Oh wait, Equilibrium (the movie) was like that. Excellent movie by the way. Christian Bale as I said in another thread was great.
Anyway... To answer to latest Mr. Anon's post - I don't think defending porn is either wrong or right. It's an objective perspective, depends on the people. A humanitarian such as Ms. Anti-Porn anon below will utterly try to execute a smack down on people like me and say I am this and that based on whatever limited knowledge of me - somehow I fit the one-in-all for her... [sigh] I am annoyed by Mormons come knocking on my door, not that she is one. Then there are those who are the pro-porn - eg: the ones actually doing porn - the models, directors, producers, etc. Then of course, everyone in between, on the spectrum - gradually fading from F**k NO to HELL YEAH.
It's like the argument about capital punishment. Some will say no one else has the right to take a person's life, then there are those who say if we don't put this person down, then the rest of society will blah blah blah.
[sigh]
There will always be people against your views, and go with your views. Just like the debate of religion, politics, justice, and other humanitarian things - the point is, there is no point in debating. Ms. Anti-Porn Anon will continue to have her views on everything that she doesn't believe in, and I will have my views, etc, etc, etc.
I still see gray, dull, bland... Equilibrium! [wink]
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): The original article was a quest for insight as to why married men look at porn. While I think it is wrong to defend porn, the original question was not asking for a defense but an explanation of it. It is still worth answering.
Ladies, some of you in your righteous indignation are missing an opportunity to understand what is really going on. Male readers may find that your moral outrage comes rather cheaply, since females do not struggle with visual-erotic temptations to the same degree that men clearly do. It's conveniently easy to judge the fallen soldiers when you aren't on the same battlefield. I recognize that females have your own battles; but my point is they are different, and that difference needs to be acknowledged and understood. Otherwise, all we get is heat and no light on the topic.
One female respondent below uses the term "filthy perve" in reference to potential male readers of this site. That kind of talk plays right into the porn beast's trap. Here's why.
Porn offers the illusion that the female models desire sex to the same degree and in the same manner that males do. Porn communicates an enthusiastic acceptance of male sexuality. But when women object to it in exaggerated terms, it tends to sound like a rejection of male sexuality as a whole. From this, men get the message that women find male interest in sex distasteful. So the only place they're likely to find acceptance and understanding for their sexuality--false though it is--is porn sites and strip clubs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): To the lad below who is saving to leave her bf...sorry hun I just read your post as i have been debating with mr ridiculous. Anyway, sweetie, bear in mind this has nothing to do with you NOTHING..he is using porn because of his own issues....probably relating to fear of intimacy with women and a deep rooted hatred of everyday 'normal women (like MR rid who is clearly angry he couldnt give his woman what she wanted)
Save your pennies darlin, but dont give up on men, believe me there are some good ones out there who know that porn is disrespectful to us, who have resect for us and themselves. Its just that us women need to be real picky and suss them out. When you meet new guys just gently find out what his attitude to porn is...you will see...is he the type to scope women while your out, to refer to women in terms of body parts (ie nice rack) or does he have a deep seated respect for women as his equal on all levels. (if so he wouldnt touch porn with a ten foot pole) When he comes along you will believe agin that not all men are porn viewing emotional cripples. Good luck sweety
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): his one....http://hugoboy.typepad.com/hugo_schwyzer/2006/05/normally_at_thi.html
honestly I know you will probably never take the time to read any of the reasons porn is so denigrating to women but my point is that there are SOOOOO many reasons is guys like you would put their willys away and start thinking about womens true value and worth (hint...its not in the way they are presented in porn mags) Porn lies to you it makes a fool of YOU and it creates beliefs in YOU that will ultimately make it VERY difficult for you to have true intimacy with any woman.....deep down I believe you know what your doing is wrong but you arnt ready to give it up...good luck in your quest...because one day, like it or not its gonna come back and bite you in the ass.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): It really is sad that you think this is about you...when its not ...its about every womans right to be treated with respect.....and as far as staying anomymous...of course, do you really think I want some filklthy perve whos probably been whacking off to porn emailing me???
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): By the way Im not at all religious nor have I been dumped because of porn just a humanistarian who believes in equality...something you obviously dont. I suppose a little porn man like you would have no concept that women could have legitimate reasons for objecting to your crap...go back to your rubber dolly and porn mags after allit sounds like its 'just you and your hand tonight.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): or this one. http://www.porndestroyswomen.org/index.html#1
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reader, martini +, writes (11 September 2006):
Ah I see, so you've been hurt by some guy who chose porn over you. And actually, I do have video and photographic porn of my gf then. The porn we watched together was indeed very inspirational and motivational for our own porn making. Indeed, if she was really freakishly against porn as you are, then she would have expressed a discomfort rather than being willing to undress and shove a vibrating egg into her vagina, while I pour lube on her naked body and film every thing she did to herself and to me from then onwards.
It feels like I am about to dive into a debate with a religious person again. Is there a reason why you keep your alias anonymous? Fear to be flame-bombarded by unintelligent, disrespectful, and don't forget, porn-justifying guys like me?
Degeneration of women you say? In which part? If I said all religion is negative poison, would that be wholely true? No, it wouldn't. Some aspects of religion is bad, just as some aspects of porn is bad.
Seeing some woman being hammered by a giant cock, while being sprayed by a guy's cum and then forced to eat it can be degrading of course. Seeing some woman in a steamy shower scene, while some guy does her from behind, kissing her neck, massaging her shoulders is something mutually beneficial to viewers of both sexes. Seeing some girl being chained to a ceiling fan while being whipped, or seeing a guy being dressed up in a gimp suit being dominated by a dominatrix can be seen as degrading, but there are a lot of people out there in flocks that like that sort of thing - couples, groups, singles, etc. I'm not into that sort of thing.
You said "lame excuse" because she was tired, etc. Obviously, since you are so damn-it-to-lun heated in your debate against all porn of the world, then nothing anyone will say can 'prove' otherwise.
As said in another thread, with another agony aunt, if my gf was really that uncomfortable, she would have said something. I would have stopped. Sure, why not?
As for my then gf not being my current gf, it had nothing to do with porn, and since you are so keen on attacking me with anti-porn, I'll tell you that it had to do with the fact that she wanted someone who made a lot of money, who didn't have family obligations, who can make her laugh all the time, who can go travel on a whim without consequences, who devoted his all to her, and would have all her friends tell her that she and him look good together, etc, etc, etc.
So I guess, my supposed unintelligence, degrading women-drooling, lame-excuses for a man who disposed my then gf, non-spiritual, very excessively disrespect for women is apparent in the aspect that I look at porn?
[stands up for you and claps with second pauses]
Fantastic. Someone please, shoot me now, before this erm, uh, 'debate' continues. Wasn't there something similar somewhere recently? At least in the debate of religion, there aren't any rights and wrongs, but this is just damn ridiculous.
- signed by Mr. Ridiculous
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): Try educating yourselves...those who think porn is harmless fun.http://www.xyonline.net/Goff_Porn_debate.shtml
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): I found out my b |
