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Why do I wish I was a girl?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Gay relationships, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 June 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 June 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, *ndysampson writes:

hi i am 17 years old and i am a male and i am not gay but i dream about having a vagina and being a girl and when i am alone i act like a girl and do girl things and a wear bras and thongs and paint my nails and put make up on and i feel like my self i love it. is this bad and wrong to want to be a girl?

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (28 June 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntWell there's a lot of people like you. Look for more information on 'transexuals' and 'cross-dressing' on the WWW. Peronsally I find a few trannies quite fuckable. Not all, but a few, especially the ones who look particularly girly. I've always been slightly bi though.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010):

I have a friend in exactly the same situation. He is attracted to girls, but enjoys dressing as a woman as well. He simply says he is a "lesbian trapped in a man's body", and embraces it. There is nothing wrong with that, in my personal opinion, and I don't think you should ever be ashamed of who you are. So many things that used to be considered "taboo" have become very normal in our society such as interracial couples and non-marital sex. They wouldn't have become that way if people hid it all the time. It would still be taboo. Do not hide your true self back for fear of being ostracised and being targeted for bullying, because if you hold yourself back from what makes you happy you will become miserable over time. Don't do that to yourself! :D ALSO Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. If you have any reason that sincerely inhibits you from dressing the way you prefer in public, don't force yourself to do it until you are 100% ready. Good luck!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010):

Not at all 'bad' or 'wrong'. But certainly 'forbidden fruit', and something you'd be wise to keep secret at least for the medium-term future. And - not to be nosey, but - do you buy your own bras, make-up and nail stuff etc? Rifling through your sister's stuff (or your mum's or whatever) is actually a real violation of their privacy, whether you've ever stopped to think about it or not.

Also 'i am not gay but i dream about having a vagina and being a girl'...

are you really, honestly sure you're not gay? Never fantasised about men while you're dolled up? No interest whatsoever in what sex might feel like with a man? Not at all held back by internalised homophobia ('Ewww, men = Gross!') Capable of watching a male stripper pole-dancing without melting into a quivering rush of pink-blooded gay lust?

All the info I've read online appears to indicate that lots of trannies are in fact truly straight and have no interest in men. I personally find this baffling, as I found that dressing up like a thousand-dollar hooker and accepting my gay sexuality went hand-in-hand, and it's a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation where, even with hindsight, it's difficult to say for sure which one led to the other.

I think one's sexual identity is largely pre-determined but is also fluid and always a work in progress (look at all the gay/bi guys who get married to women and then go man-crazy at the age of 30-plus!)

But a fondness for looking like a girl, dressing like one, adopting girly mannerisms etc is something you most likely develop from long before the age of full sexual maturity (like a fondness for black-and-white or classic MGM movies or fashion magazines or Madonna records) and will always be a part of you, whether you turn out gay, straight or whatever. I didn't try it til I was 15 (shaking with nerves even then!) but I know the idea had been brewing for a couple of years.

And I don't claim to have all the answers, or presume that my experience necessarily applies to anyone else, and I'd certainly welcome feedback from anyone who disagrees with my point of view, for whatever reason.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010):

It's fine to want to do that, I've always had a secret want to have sex with a man who wears womens underwear, don't know why, probably because I'm bisexual.

There are loads of men who like doing that kind of stuff.

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