A
female
age
41-50,
*rtemis
writes:I am very unhappy in my marriage of 14 years and have three gorgeous children. I recently met another man who is in the same position as me married with three kids... do u think I should break it off with him as he wants just sex and i need some emotional attachment too... we love talking and being with each other and i suppose it is a bit of a thrill meeting secretly .. but i think fundamentally we both are taking risks.... he has said he wont split from his wife .. so i do know the score... so why the hell am i still wanting any contact with him... i cant seem to stay away from him.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, artemis +, writes (16 January 2009):
artemis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying... alot of differing views. I am going to go for it i think .. for me it feels like the right thing to do. I have spent the last ten years giving myself fully to three beautiful kids and getting them through sleepless nights and illnesses I think it is time that I deserved a bit of "me" time. I feel resentful of my husband, he hasnt helped me or supported me through some very difficult times in my life. I dont want to go into too much detail at the moment but he drinks heavily, is overweight, forces me to have sex with him only when he has been drinking, has rejected me and made me feel dirty for wanting to have a normal sex life.
So, I am at the point that I have switched off. Literally, I feel no love for him other than he is the father of the children and he does try to do a good job there. I feel that financially it would be a night mare to cope on my own even though i work full time it would mean moving out and taking the children with me and renting somewhere for the time being as my husband has said that he wont move out and wants us to fall back in love with each other .. which is just not gonna happen, ever.
So, Its nice to play around with this new man and feel like i am desired again.. i even went out and got a brazilian the other day with a friend of mine from work. I know that his wife is away next week and this is our opportunity to take out meetings onto the next level.
I so want to have crazy sex with him .. completely lose myself ....but, i know that afterwards comes the guilt.. and will i be able to live with that ..? staring the kids in the eyes knowing what i have done....
A
male
reader, Horne  +, writes (14 January 2009):
Its easy. That's why.You can engage in the emotional/sexual play then go back home to life. Kind of like stepping into a fairy tale for a bit before returning to reality. I'm not judging. I'm experienced. You can step outside the weary day to day details of living and making a life with someone to just engage in the fun parts. Yeah, I know, you gotta sneak around to do it, but it is easy, and that's a big part of the reason. You don't have to worry about bills with him, don't have to worry about school or kids or why the garbage hasn't been taken out or any of the other zillion issues that distract from and stagnate many relationships. You don't have to work at creating desire or any of the other things one has to do to keep lust alive in a relationship. And yeah, it's important to keep alive, just as much as it is important to keep the love alive.I'm not one of those who will tell you to drop him or stop or go on and on about the morality of what you're doing. You asked why. That's a good part of the why above.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): If you think you can handle it emotionally, break it off as soon as possible. I am in a similar situation and wish I had ended it before it has gotten this far. It's so hard to stay away when it's such a great escape. Since you know you need and want more than just sex, I advise you again to stop. I haven't yet reached the place where I want to stop. I think if you are strong and truly make the decision to end it, then you will be happy with yourself in the long run that you ended it.
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