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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: After three months of breakup, my ex contacted me saying he misses me and still loves me. He dumped me without giving me any explanation. A month after we broke up, i asked him for closure and he told me i was clingy, insecure and controlling (we were in LDR and the reason why he said so was because we had a huge fight about his female friend who was very touchy and tried to get between us) I was heartbroken and accepted the fact that its over and decided to move on. Hes been calling for a week. I picked up a few times and told him i'm over him. I wish him the best and hope he wishes me the best too. He said he wont give up. He doesnt believe that i would forget someone i was with for four years so fast and i cried once when he called. He knows that im his one and always wants to marry him. I know hes my one too but i know i cant give him another chance to hurt me again. He hasnt called for two days and i started thinking about him. Im also sad that i wont be able to spend the rest of my life with someone i truly love. I thought i was ok and over him but why do i still feel sad and started missing him and thinking about him?
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female
reader, dcgirl15  +, writes (18 August 2013):
I think you're doing the right thing. I've been both the dumpee and the dumper in relationships in which there was regret afterwards. Here's my thought: this regret generally happens when someone is at a low point after dumping their significant other and they suddenly believe their ex is happy again without them. He probably suddenly realized that you were doing fine, were happy, and no longer needed him. That feeling led him to feeling insignificant because he used to have such an important place in your life and suddenly that place had disappeared and you filled it with other things. He wanted to come back and feel important and validated but that backfired. It was good that it did. It was good that you moved on during that time.Here are my two cents, you can take them for what they're worth. I don't think he was your "one." I think he has a lot of growing up to do and he was unwilling to do it for you. Please, go out and find someone that has better boundaries with friends and wouldn't say those hurtful things to you. He seems selfish and you don't want to get trapped with that. You're still young! You'll find your real "one." Do not settle.Take these next couple days and be busy. Find friends to catch up with, household projects to work on, books/movies to entertain you. Busy yourself so you're not lonely and then get over him! If he's backed off for two days, I think it shows he's not all that serious. I don't think he's serious until he shows up on your doorstep and EVEN THEN, I would hesitate to take him back. It's healthier to get out of a relationship and stay out than it is two have the same break up and heartbreak twice. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2013): Because in your heart you still want him.
In your heart you still hope he also wants you.
you should read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/-forget--someone-you-love--the.html
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 August 2013):
 I think I'd be tempted to ask him why he's back if he thought you were clingy, insecure and controlling...thats not the kind of thing people say to their 'one'. You didnt trust the guys so I doubt he was your 'one' either.
Sometimes people just cling to eachother because they fear being alone. You made the break, grieve the loss and move on, because you may just find yourself back at square one if you let him back into your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2013): I also didnt answer your question, you feel sad because four yrs with him is a long time of vested emotions, he made you think of him, yes you may have loved him but you can love others and ones not so selfish to come grovel ing when his shit didnt work out...you want to be his second choice? Your sad of course your sad if i were you i would be angry very angry and let him to the female wolves feed him to the sharks, you do t deserve to be reeling in this sadness he is cruel all over again, stop letting him make you sad find a man that you feel happy with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2013): First let me say, I am so sorry for your pain. But he is selfish without knowing more details about the relationship, it sounds to me that this girl may very well be the reason he dumped you. Make no mistake about it, if you were his one he wouldnt have dumped you as cruely as he did after four years. Its broken, he broke it...my gut tells me you sound like a sweet amazing girl that many men out there are looking for and ps 4 yrs and no commitment? His ass shoulda been gone ...you deserve happiness you deserve more he blamed you for the breakup and now magically all those horrible things he claims you are made him realize your the one?!?!?! Dont be his doormat he thinks he got you and he can flop you around like a rag doll at his beck and whim, his tears are for you to cave in...please dont three months of no contact is amazing, you did awesome, yes it hurts yes its sad and a time for mourning the loss of that relationship but now you can build to an even better relationship with someone who deserves all those great qualities you posses, throw him to the curb. Good luck prayers for your continued strength.
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