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Why do I stay with him?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 April 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 April 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Tonight I wanted to have sex w my boyfriend and we were kissing and I was giving him oral sex and asked him to kiss me down there and when he went down on me he told me that I was too dry and he didn't want to have sex. I was disappointed because I really wanted to but said that we would just relax for the night. He stands up, opens a bottle of water and pours it on me and calls me a "wh*re prostitute" (I work for an international nonprofit so that's completely far from the truth) and continues to pour the water on me and then throws the bottle at my legs (a nalgene bottle, I now have a ring on my leg from the mouth of th bottle).

I started crying hysterically because we've had a very good week and he hasn't treated me like that since last week and I thought we were moving on from times like that. He comes over and hits me in the back of the head and tells me to stop crying and to explain why I was so dry, why I was making a joke of him and why I wanted to have sex if I wasn't horny.

Things like this have happened so much that it's like a physiological response happens in my body and i start shaking and can not control myself. I become submissive and can not stop crying and lose all sense of who I am or worthiness of my Life. I know, it sounds dramatic, but this is just a minor episode.

I move to the couch to separate myself from him and he comes over and asks me over and over who I f*cked at work since I am such a wh*re prostitute and for that reason I wasn't wet for him.

May I add that I had just ran 8 miles as I am training for a half-marathon and maybe dehydration had soemthing to do with my dryness? I was horny and I did want to have sex w him, what was wrong with me? There is a bigger issue here, too...why do I stay with someone like that?

View related questions: at work, horny, kissing, oral sex, prostitute

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009):

Why do you stay with him...hmmm

*throws hands in air*

I mean what do you want me to say. Because you have lost all sense of what is good for you? Because you allow him to dominate you in every sense of the word? Because you have allowed him to lower your self worth to lower than mud? You are not with a benevolent man or in a benevolent relationship. Just because you have a "good week" that doesn't mean it will change at all!

You are empowering this wackjob by staying with him and allowing him to do what he does. He is just a guy..he's not invulnerable. He can have his ass kicked just like any other guy. Quit attaching so much influence and importance to him.

You CAN leave. And should.

quit being a victim and just go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009):

You would never let anyone treat you like that if you didn't love them, right? I certainly hope that's the case.

My heart aches for you--I can't imagine how awful that must be. But it is abuse, and it can only get worse. My only advice is to call a womens safety clinic and try to get help getting over this guy. He's not good enough for you, love.

What he's doing is hurting you, but further than that, it's illegal. You have rights that your forefathers died for. Embrace them. At some point, those rights could save your life. Domestic violence isn't to be taken lightly and can be life threatening.

I understand d that you have feelings for this man, but you should love YOURSELF more. You deserve it. You also deserve to be treated well. Get help, that's what it's there for.

Wishing you the best of the best,

-GG

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