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Why do I no longer love my wife?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 July 2009) 8 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Why do I no longer love my wife? My wife and I have been married for 5 years, we have no children. She is 31 and I am 32. I feel no longer love my wife. She is a wonderful person, the kind that does everything to make you feel better. People have always told me that she was a very good catch and that I could not done better.

In the last year or so, I no longer feel that I love her. I dont miss her when she is not around. I dont mind when she want to go visit her mother out of state. I let her go for 2 or 3 weeks and feel I can get more done when she is not around. I am more efficient.

I dont know what happened, why I dont love her. I have never cheated on her, nor is there another woman. But I has crossed my mind, I have to be honest.

Please help.


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A male reader, D-pressed77 United States +, writes (31 December 2009):


I totally understand how you're feeling.

I have been married now for 10 years with children. I haven't been in love with my wife for the last 5 years of my marriage. I feel that my wife and I are not totally compatible. We don't share the same interests.

I feel the same about not missing her when she's not around.

Recently, I told my wife how I feel and we are currently trying to work it out. I don't know if I can "Fall" back in love with her though and I don't think she knows how to get me to fall back in love with her.

I'm now to the point where I'm just totally unhappy with my life. What I'm doing is sucking it up and continuing on this journey for my kids.

Because you don't have any children, I would suggest a temporary separation? Maybe your feelings will change during that time and realize that you truly do miss her. Who knows.

BTW - marriage counseling doesn't really help.

Good luck to you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 July 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI'm assuming she has no idea how you feel? You two need to talk. You need to examine what it is that you feel you are missing in your relationship.

I DON'T suggest you two try to have a child, specially if your marriage isn't working too well. That would be a dumb thing to do. Expecting a baby to "FIX" a marriage is doomed for failure.

If you think there is a chance you two have a future then maybe considering counseling might be a good idea.

And yes, cheating is the cowards way out. If you don't see a future with your wife you need to end it. Give her a chance (and yourself) of a happy future.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009):

I think your case is not uncommon especially to coouples who had been married for years and still without a child. I believe the only reason to these feelings of yours is that you are bored, there is nothing exciting going on and that you have taken your relationship for granted. A male anon here said that it's your responsibility to put spice to your marriage. This is true. It's not like you will wait for something to happen. Make it happen. Your marriage is not a film you can watch, you are part of it.

My suggestion is, why not do something different with your wife? Or maybe start trying to have a baby. Another thing, treasure what you have right now, your wife. There's too many men out there who are broken hearted and didn't know what they have until they lost it.

Goodluck to you!

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (16 July 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntmaybe that's why you don't love your wife anymore.

because everyone says how amazing she is how she always makes you feel better and does everything she can to do that.

maybe you miss someone not talking to you for a while.

like if you have an argument i am guessing she always apologises first even if you started it.

maybe you want her to keep you more on your toes more intense.

you say you have thought about cheating maybe because you actually want to cause and argument make her wake up and realise the worlds not as perfect as it seems.

if you feel you no longer love her then leave her don't drag it on too long i mean if you are the verge of cheating do her a favor and just get out of the marriage now so she can find someone who'll love her unconditionaly despite her seeing the world through rose colour glasses.

Hope this helps :)

x ilovebowsandcherries x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009):

Grow up already. Not every moment of your life is going to be sunshine and flowers. So your marriage is boring? Get some balls and take the initiative. It's YOUR job to put the spark back in the marriage if you feel it fading.

Above all don't ruin your marriage, your wife, and your manhood. Adultery is the weak little coward's way out. Stop being a pussy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009):

It sounds as though you are more like companions or even brother and sister, than husband and wife. You don't have much shared interests and it may be that this is now showing a few years into the relationship. If you feel happier when she is not around then that is different from needing some space every now and then to do a project or task - which we all need from time to time. It is irrelevant what other people assume about your relationship 'good catch' etc. Maybe sit down with her and say how you feel. She may feel the same way! Its not enough to simply share space with a woman who is a carer. Otherwise you have just replaced your mother with your wife. If you have lost the drive to make this work then maybe you should part amicably. However a conversation may spark some renewed desire to refresh your lives and who knows what you could talk about and I believe if you have not already tried this then you have nothing to lose by giving it a go. At least you will have been honest with her - and trust me, women respect honesty not deceit.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009):

I think every relationship has these types of problems. When you go through years in a rut (nothing has changed better or worse) you feel like your no longer interested. Hence you can start to feel like theres no love because your emotionally detached. Try explaining to your wife that your spark and desire for her is gone. People cant fix problems they dont know they have. This could be a simple spending more "quality time" with eachother. Hugs kisses, intercourse, all of these things are what you call an emotional attachment. If you cant communicate your feelings you will never feel that connection again. Ask your self what is it that made you fall in love with your wife, what attracted you to her. What has changed when you ask yourself these questions. If your wife is into trying new things express your likes and dislikes these are ways to see if something can change for the better, if not then you need to find a way to seperate without hurting her if thats even possible if shes as caring and love as you stated she will be understanding to some degree remember you did love her and you should respect her no matter what the outcome. God bless and good luck...Heather Bellevue WA

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009):

I think that your marriage has gone stale. Sit down and talk to your wife about your concerns, as it sounds like you both take each other for granted and no longer do things with or for each other.

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