A
female
age
26-29,
*rixie66
writes:I dated a guy for around 6 months altogether. The first three months were perfect, absolutely perfect and we were so well suited, it was literally as if he was my clone too, we were so matchy matchy. I became depressed at the end of the three months and decided that I needed time away from the relationship, not because I disliked him in any way but it was so unfair to bring him into my problems and I felt like I needed time alone to work on myself and eliminate whatever was making me depressed. So after him trying to convince me to stay in a relationship with him we went our separate ways, he said he was hurting but we ended up breaking up on really good terms. We didn't speak for around three months while I tried to work on myself. Then just after Christmas he got back in touch with me saying he missed me and asked how my life was going. I told him it was a little better and he asked if I'd like to maybe meet up with him for a coffee or something to see how things are between us. I wasn't yet over my depression and wanted to tell him the time wasn't right for me to be happy with someone because I wasn't yet happy with myself. But I ended up going out with him again, I really liked him but my heart wasn't into being with him as a girlfriend. I tried to tell him this and told him he should date other people as it wasn't fair to expect him to wait while I got better. The depression took a turn for the worst and I became snappier, withdrawn and just generally down in the dumps. He began putting pressure on me, asking me whether I thought we would ever be a couple again as that was what he wanted and I told him I didn't know.He then suggested that I was 'friend zoning' him and using him for my own benefit which wasn't true in the slightest. After all, I gave him the option to date other girls. Anyway, it ended with a really bitter argument breaking out where I called him some rather unsavoury names which I now regret so much. I'm not a nasty person but my state of mind at the time suggested otherwise. He said he didn't like who I had become and that he didn't think he felt the same about me anymore and that I'd made his decision to leave much easier. I wasn't too bothered at the time by the breakup because I was so caught up in the depression. A few days later I felt really guilty but because I deleted his number and blocked him on Facebook ( bit dramatic I know) I had no way of contacting him so I sent him a letter apologising, telling him he was perfect to me and saying I could be the girlfriend he wanted me to be in time. He contacted me back and said he accepted my apology but didn't think he could do it anymore, he was hurting over what I'd said to him in the heat of the moment. He said he loved me but he couldn't be with me anymore, I hurt him and we both wanted different things.So that was how it ended. Three months later, it seems to have hit me how much I did actually like him and now miss him. I wish I never called him such nasty things. If he were to come back into my life now I believe it would work out just fine. I managed to get over the rocky area in my life and was able to identify the trigger for my depression and remove it, I feel so much better mentally and physically. I actually crossed paths with him at the shopping centre last week and looked up to smile at him, but his reaction spoke volumes to me. He spotted me at a distance, looked down and got his phone out of his pocket as a distraction to pretend he hadn't noticed me. I actually felt the hatred coming off him. It hurt so much knowing that he was the person I'd been so intimate with such a short time ago and now it's like we're complete strangers.Why am I now feeling like this after feeling nothing when we broke up? I literally can't stop thinking about what I've lost :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2017): He showed you how immature he is. He tried to force things; but it might have helped if you had explained you were dealing with a case of depression; and that it was interfering with your ability deal with the pressure of a relationship. Most people don't know how depression affects you. They have to read about it and be educated.
You may have danced around the details, which is why he may not have fully understood. Regardless, he still handled it badly; but don't expect a young inexperienced guy to fully understand there are disorders people suffer that you can't just snap-out of for their convenience.
Don't allow his boyish behavior to trigger a relapse. He's too uninformed to understand. You did what was best; and showed selflessness, courage, and wisdom. You were kind and considerate. So forgive yourself for reacting to his poor response in spite of all your efforts.
Sweetheart; you are wise well beyond your years. You put his feeling before your own. You are going to make someone one hell of a girlfriend once you're healthy enough. I can't think of the words to tell you how important it is for you to focus more on yourself; but let him deal with things in his own way. You can't control how people think or behave; and it will only hurt you trying to figure-out a way. They come to terms with things in their own time, and when they're ready to.
Concentrate on your recovery, and distract yourself by doing some things that make you feel good. Spend time with family and friends to fill the void; and don't spend too much time isolated or withdrawn. You need stimulation and comfort. He's not grown-up enough to deal with the situation. He didn't give you support, he was too caught-up in his own selfishness. He ultimately was not your best match.
I have no doubt that you are quite mature and very intelligent. Perhaps more than he can handle.
I wish you a speedy recovery and hope I have comforted you some.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2017): I hope you get better soon, and that your depression goes away forever. You did the right thing and said the right things (isn't that amazing, even when you were nasty to him, at least you redeemed yourself. There was a valid reason why that happened and you recognised your meanness and said Sorry, you're one in a million.Life is too short to worry about him. Think of yourself, you've been through a lot already and he's not around to support you because he has his own issues. They are his and you should let him go and deal with them. You're both not ready to have a relationship, I strongly feel.You especially, are still are not ready! You need to focus on you still. Believe me you did such an act of kindness by not involving him in your sadness and by being honest with him and yourself. That's Love and so you have all this Love in you, why be depressed? If he were a loving man toward you he would have seen that, but he didn't and so who's loss is that really?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 June 2017):
 Because it now sounds like you realise how good things could of been between you two.
At the time though you weren't ready, so it's nothing that could of been avoided. You need to understand that it takes its toll on someone to be on/off with them and everyone has a breaking point and he seems to have hit his.
I don't think there's anything you can do here besides suck it up and get on with it. He's clearly not interested in speaking anymore, so there's not much else you can do.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (6 June 2017):
 because you're still trying to get over your depression, and at the same time get over a break up , take your time think of yourself first and your health. If you can go to a DR for help if you're not happy with that DR get another. You will know when the time is right for letting others into your life
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