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Why do I have to pretend to care when no one has cared themselves enough to invite me along those journeys of life?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 April 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 April 2014)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm discouraged, confused, heartbroken, etc... It doesn't what I say, or how I ask it, no one cares enough to help. How do I know if a girl likes me? I've never been able to tell. How would I tell myself, as opposed when I'm unsure about a girl, and I go up to talk to her, and it's either some guy walks over tells me to screw off, or she's just not interested period. I'm tired of listening to my friends brag about the good old times they had notching sides of their bed post with random girls names they hooked up with. As a matter of fact I think it's all just bs anyways, lev and lust as far as I'm concerned is all fake, bs and it doesn't exist until I encounter it for myself I will just walk out of the room completely because I'm tired of having to list to, or about love, relationships,sex, pregnancies, dating,etc... Why do I have to pretend to care hen no one has cared themselves enough to invite me along those journeys of life?

View related questions: heartbroken, period

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (16 April 2014):

Tisha-1 agony auntIf you've reached age 26-29 and have trouble reading people social cues then you need some coaching.

If you are bitter and angry people will avoid you and this is an ongoing cycle. Bitter and angry that people are avoiding you and then they avoid you because you exude bitterness and anger.

You've been doing this for what, 15 years?

Time for a fundamental shift in your approach, your thinking and your attitude.

Where to start?

Well, for one, you need to focus on the things that you can be thankful for.

Whoa, you just shot up a little "B.S." thought, didn't you?

You stopped listening and filtered through your angry lenses….

Okay, let's try again.

Focus on the good things in your life.

List them.

Write them down.

You do realize that there are people with much less? Yes? No?

Whoa, there goes the irritated flag again.

So, your life sucks, no one invites you out and you are pissed off and angry. Okay. So you do realize that is not what will draw people to you? Yes? No?

I have a few websites for you to explore. Let me know how you get on with them.

http://www.actionforhappiness.org

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

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Have you explored why you can't figure out the social stuff with girls? As in, gone and talked to someone who might be able to help? And then listened, for real?

You sound very angry and annoyed and frankly closed off. Are you really looking for advice or just want to rant?

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A female reader, Euphoric29 Germany +, writes (16 April 2014):

Dear OP,

I get that sometimes you wish there would be a good fairy who just granted you 3 wishes. But there isn't. If you want your life to change, you have to take it into your own hands.. don't rely on anybody else.

I wonder why you resent your friends so much. Can you specify that a little? Is it just because they had more luck regarding love/dating/sex or is it something else?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014):

Patience. Twisted by the dark side young Skywalker has become.

Unfortunately negativity is a vicious cycle. You've not had your luck yet so I understand how you must be feeling.

But, when you become dejected and resentful, you are less attractive and even less likely to find someone. This will ofcourse make you even more dejected and resentful. And so it carries on.

The best thing to do for yourself is to be happy with the resources that you have; that is your family, your friends, your hobbies. Take pride in your health and personal development. When you have a spring in your step and smiling freely, you will be a chic magnet.

Happy and fulfilled is sexy. Resentful is not. Remind yourself to really do the things that make you happy and everything else will fall into place.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014):

If you don't care, no one else is going to. Why should people do the caring for you? It's your life. You have to take initiative if others do not invite you along those journeys of life.

"lev and lust as far as I'm concerned is all fake, bs and it doesn't exist until I encounter it for myself I will just walk out of the room completely..."

I hope this petulent personality as indicated above is only reflected in your post and not how you interact with people in real life. Because if it does, then it's obvious why no one is around you as friends or intimate/romantic partners. No one wants to be around someone who wallows in self-pity, resentment, and entitlement. The world does not owe you anything.

Yes, I am being harsh, but I'm not going to give you the sweet, comforting answer you're seeking.

Stop acting like a child. Improve your personality. Your post does not mention this, but given your resentment, I think you do have insecurities of how you look to women. Exercise. Practice good hygiene. Find some cool, exciting hobbies. Be an interesting person. Be a person who talks to others NOT with the intention of getting laid or a girlfriend, but with the intention of connecting with someone.

I'm not saying girls are going to start sleeping with you, dating you, or hanging out with you if you do all the above. But it will definitely make you a more well-rounded person with a healthier worldview and lifestyle - that will rid you of that heavy feeling of resentment. And when that resentment is gone, maybe you'll actually enjoy life.

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