A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid why do I hate that my boyfriend remains friends with his ex girlfriend? I actually feel very bad for feeling this way, but I cannot help how I truly feel. This is an ex girlfriend he was with for 4 years, and he was madly in love with her. She is a very attractive girl, and they have a lot of laughs together, and get on well. I feel like there's another 'special' girl in his life besides me. I also am uncomfortable with the fact that he's friends with someone who he used to have a long term sexual relationship with. Those are close feelings/connections with someone that dont just go away completely. I also am paranoid that she still has feelings for him as she seems to really enjoy his company. My boyfriend is an amazing guy and I feel bad that I feel this way. I don't know if it's jealousy, insecurity, or if it's normal to feel uncomfortable about this. I don't know what to do? We have been together for 2 years and have a good relationship otherwise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2016): I think it's very normal to feel insecure about the situation. There's really no reason to stay friends with an ex. You do not have to be enemies with your ex. If you see them in person you can say hello and ask how they're doing but if you are serious about being in a relationship with somebody else then you should focus on that relationship. You should tell him if he's not ready to stop being friends with his ex then it's time to break up because it is making you uncomfortable. There's always going to be feeling lingering between him and the ex-girlfriend.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (1 August 2016):
 I understand why you're uncomfortable with it; I would be too, but not everyone is happy to let go of someone who was important to them for 4 years. It doesn't make you less important to him and if you rust him not to cheat, that's enough. If he cheats, that's on him; it could have been with anyone.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (1 August 2016):
Ok, so need more info really. How often is the contact? Do they go out alone together? Texting and how often? Have you spoken to him about this and what has he said?
Now, I think you are ok to feel as you do, most people would. But from his perspective he may truly just see her as a friend and she him now, and you describe your relationship as good otherwise and he's great.
If he sees her rarely, and they text rarely and he involves you such as telling you hey she text today and said blar blar, that's one thing. If they text lots like a close friend and they go out together alone lots, then yes it will make you feel hes another special girl in his life because there is! And as an ex of a substantial relationship, then you have every right to feel upset about this. He cant deny how you feel, and should consider it when hes making his choices. He should be sensitive to this. Now I'm not saying he should stop his friendship with her as its now been there for two years, but maybe he could look at including you, she should do what friends do- come over for coffee with you there where he can be affectionate to you at the same time, showing there's nothing to hide etc.
Being friends with an ex is usually very hard for the current partner, and its not the norm. Talk to him, and lets have more info regarding the amount and type etc
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2016): I wouldn't be happy either because you're right - whether they were just friends once doesn't matter now because he had a long term, sexual relationship with her. It would be different if they were close friends only before you got together. I mean have you asked him to focus a bit more on your relationship and less on her? Would he agree or would he argue he wants to see her and then run and tell her all about it?
I think if he is unwilling to understand how you feel about this then you have to decide whether you want a relationship which will always be like this - with him having an ex as a close friend and you having to live with how that feels.
I personally wouldn't want to carry on anymore, and would have to say to him while we've had a great 2 years - I just don't feel we have a future together because after such a long time you should now be the closest female in his life.
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