A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to ask the opionion of people here to step outside of myself. I don't date a lot because i don't like online dating and life doesn't bring me around a lot of men(my guy friends are a nightmare) so when someone new comes in my life I jump at the opportunity. I have had two relationships and let me say thins honestly (deep down in my center core) I wasn't happy but I stayed - they treat me bad - and they have this tendency to only pay attention to me only in the beginjng. What I have noticed though is the older men at work. I am 30 and so are the men I have dated around my age. For as long as I can remember the older men would notice stupid things like my hair color changed or my skirt was the same color or really irrelevant details that turn me on. I feel like this always happens. I'm in a relationship and some older man will strike a conversation and we will connect . Once one of them even finished my thoughts . The itony in all of this is that their not available they are married and I would never do anything with a married men but I always seem to be repeating the scenario - what gives ? My older coworker who I recently worked with was close to me - I would condfkde in him and he would listen- and the attention sometimes led me to have sexual thoughts about him. I obviously reapect the institution of marriage and would never sleep with a married men but what gives? I always find myself noticed by them and they always seem to pay attention to me
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at work, co-worker, older man, older men Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2017): Older men, married or not, appreciate the looks of a younger woman. Well, women in general. Younger women because it takes them back to their younger years.
Nothing wrong with that. It is just admiration or appreciation. You are making a big issue out of nothing.
Does your ego want to hear they are all after you? Is that it?
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (1 March 2017):
 Paying compliments to women is a learned art. It shows that we men care. We care that you took the trouble to make yourselves look nice. It shows that we notice you are attractive. If it pleases you then so much the better. You add a little extra to life.
It doesn't for a minute mean we want to uproot our happy homes and run away with you.
Just smile and accept the compliment and if you feel good pass it back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): I think this might have something to do with the fact that you all work together. It is not an age thing, for men to be thoughtful and notice hair color changes or new outfits or whatever. It is just the guys you chose to date so far were not this type of thoughtful, confident men. Take stock of yourself and see if your "work self" is different than your "social self". Do you have confidence at your job, but turn into a shy wallflower when you are out? How do you act differently with colleagues at work than you do with men that approach you to date? It may be hard to see yourself, so ask some trusted friends for some constructive criticism. Are you attracted to bad boys or do you show some sort of neediness that some jerks might try to take advantage of? What do your friends think you could work on?The other thing you can do is try to change up your social activities. You may need to make more of an effort to meet new friends and expand your social circle in order to find better prospects. Join a club, or volunteer, or take a class, or start to play a sport. Something that will allow you to come in contact with men that might have a common interest with you, and go from there. I hope this helps, R
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