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Why do I feel so upset about this?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 February 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 1 March 2012)
A age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Me and this guy friend (at least i thought he was) were FWB for a while, which ended badly for me. I really did like him and i've never been into the whole FWB thing but i just went along with it. After a while i realised who he really was, which was a total pig basically, who tries to sleep with girls all the time, whether he's single or not.

Now i've tried to make a fresh start and have just started dating a guy who isn't like that. The ex FWB still contacts me and i know why i'm not that stupid. He spoke to me on Facebook, we've been speaking on there a while, and he then saw i'd made the relationship with the guy i'm with official. Before he saw that he said he wanted to meet up as friends and i (stupidly) believed him but since he saw i'm in a proper relationship he hasn't got back to me so it's obvious he just wanted to try and get in my pants again.

Now i've just seen he's been posting on Facebook about his girlfriend, calling her "hot" etc (which is what he called me the other day) and i just feel really gutted and upset. I know it's ridiculous but why do i feel this way? Every time he contacts me he ends up making me cry.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (1 March 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntBecause it's human nature to want what you can't have.

We all want EVERYONE to want us even if we don't want them.

Honey he is bad news. UNFRIEND Him.. block him get him out of your life...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No, we were both single. I wouldn't do that.

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A male reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (1 March 2012):

Uncle PJ agony auntWere you FWB while he was with his girlfriend? If you were then it's an even clearer sign of how bad he actually his and his motive for getting into bed with you.

You must completely forget about him and try and have a really happy relationship with your new boyfriend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He got back with his ex when our FWB thing was over.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No, he does have a girlfriend. He's been with her for nearly 2 years.

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A male reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (1 March 2012):

Uncle PJ agony auntYou should never have agreed to FWB in the first place. It never ends well as at least one of the parties will develop feelings out of it and unfortunately it was you.

The idea of FWB is to have meaningless sex and for people like you and many others, there is no such thing. But there's no changing that now so lets not dwell on it.

Does he actually have a girlfriend or is he just saying it? if he doesn't then it's obvious he was trying to make you jealous and by the sounds of it, it has worked. If he was trying to make you jealous then it would be because he was jealous in the first place because you've shown him you have moved on.

If you have proper feelings for your new boyfriend then it really shouldn't matter what the other guy says or does. He has nothing to offer as you have someone who should actually treat you properly and not just want you for sex. I think what hurts you the most is the fact that you're hurt by the way he shown no feelings towards you despite the feelings you have for him.

But you shouldn't need to be thinking about these feelings or even him. The best thing you can do is to block him off facebook and not contact him. You have a boyfriend now who will be ten times better and the other guy should be forgotten about. I realise it will be hard at first because you have had sex with him etc but he really isn't worth it as you already know he only wanted you for sex and that's exactly what he'll want from his next target too. Stay strong and make your new relationship work. hope this helps

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A female reader, Deagan United States +, writes (1 March 2012):

Deagan agony auntYou're upset because you liked him and he never liked you back as anything more than a FWB. You're upset because you feel like you've been taken advantage of. He's a player, and he played you. You have a right to feel upset about it.

Just cut ties with him, he's a pig, you said it yourself. Focus on your new relationship.

If anything, consider it a life experience- A FWB relationship never works out because someone had feelings for the other from the start or one ends up having feelings for the other during it.

You need to be a strong woman and cut ties with him completely. If he tries to contact you, you need to tell him that you do not want him contacting you and you need to tell him to leave you alone.

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