A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:why do i feel so bad for wanting to let go of my ex who has recently begun again to use seriously hardcore drugs within the last month (the entire year plus that i knew him, he didn't do them)...now, he's not really 'here' because they've sucked so much out of him...he's so unhappy...i know there is absolutely nothing i can truly do for him, and he calls me but it seems dealing with most people just pushes him further toward his depression over the ordeal he has created for himself yet again. i really hope he can pull out of this...sometimes it feels like he's just further dug a deep hole and every time he goes back to his old life, it will get harder for him to ever get even remotely close to the top. i don't look down on him or judge him, but i feel pain over it...he feels pain over not being able to be 'normal' because he started drugs at such an early age (preteen years)...he tries so hard to be 'normal', but his mind is just wired so crazily and it takes so much for him to feel comfort/relaxation/trus...as a clean person, he is very type A and very anxious, and he knows it...i'm not cutting him off...there's no point...he will disappear when he feels like he needs to, and i don't call him that often. usually he's calling me...but i just feel shut off from him...or whatever it is that i'm talking to right now-a semi-absent version of him...i hate what's happening to him, but why do i feel such guilt over basically leaving him behind and not investing much of anything into his existence? i know he resents somewhat the non-addicted portion of the world because for them, it is relatively easy to have a simple day...he wants that, but like i said, he has such a difficult time... even if i tell him i love him and hope the best for him as a friend, i know he won't believe it or he'll run away-that's the nature of him-only he can tell someone he loves them. if they tell him that, then he wants to run...or if they never say it, he starts to resent it...sigh.....
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female
reader, kahlan  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 I have been on both sides of this situation, and as you know, there is nothing you can do for him.Only he can sort himself out and it is hard.You have nothing to feel guilty for,although you cant help the way you feel.It's hard but you should stay away from him altogether.Tell him you cant bear to see him in the state he's in when he's wasted.My family tried to do that to me,but my mum always took me back so although i felt guilty i kept using.I was clean for a couple of years,and got into a relationship with a lovely man-who was also an ex user,iloved his family like my own and they saw me the same way.When my bf and i slipped up and got back into drugs,they refused to see us until we were clean,and this time my parents wouldnt see me .You cant get clean for anyone else.You must want to do it for yourself, and we did want to do it for ourselves.But though it was hard not seeing our families,it was hard for them as well,we didnt keep putting it off like we had done before i.e..."We,ll just have one more hit today,and come off tomorrow"Only tomorrow never comes.Well this time we didnt put it off and got clean.Only now,they find it hard to trust us.I really hope your friend manages to get clean.Remember when someone is using their feelings and emotions are dulled.The guilt is there,but not enough to stop using family and friends.Good luck.I really hope everything turns out,There is alot of help out there,though a lolot of places are closing because of lack of funding.Look to see what help there is in your area,Kahlan.
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