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Why do I feel really weird around my guy friend...?

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Question - (18 June 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 22 June 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid

Why do I feel really weird around my guy friend...? lets call him "Danny"

I posted a question back in January about my friends trying to push me and "Danny" together, they did eventually stop as they saw how it was affecting us!

Anyway, I like him and he likes me but the thing that gets to me is that he wont talk to me about it... he will tell his mum and flat mates about me and it does my head in as he has no idea how i feel about the situation.

Anyway, we all went out on 20th may for a party as all of our exams had finished. "Danny" was there and one of my friends set me up with her male single friend who came with us. now this guy we will call him "Josh" he got drunk and was dancing with me all night... much to "Danny's" disappointment as he kept giving dirty looks. Every time "Josh" got close to me "Danny" would just stare and it was like he was jealous.

Anyway we hardly spoke all night and it soon became time to go home. I hugged "Danny's" friend and he gave me a kiss as I wont be seeing him till my 21st birthday party and "Danny" just looked on. Then Danny opened his arms and tried to give me a hug, he was drunk and I was sober. I felt really bad as I felt too weird to go near him and just walked off, and I have no idea why!

2 days later I ran into him in a pub and he was with his flat mate. I was with another guy friend and we were leaving, so my guy friend said goodbye to Danny and so to be polite I went over to say goodbye!

Then Danny held out his arm as in to give me a hug and that weird feeling came back so I just waved and walked off! I felt absolutely awful

What is wrong with me? Why can't I go close to him - is it because I know nothing can ever happen? x

View related questions: drunk, flatmate, jealous

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2011):

k_c100 agony auntOk, not sure why you have decided 'nothing can ever happen' - does he have a girlfriend or something? I reckon you have missed some info out there, there is nothing in your post that indicates nothing can ever happen, that is a bit drastic!

All you have said is that you like each other but cant talk to each other, so you have tried to avoid each other.

I dont know why you feel weird about hugging him, I guess it is because you know he likes you but he has not made a move - maybe you feel rejected in some way that he doesnt like you enough to make something happen? Or maybe you are just scared of falling for him even more, so you are pushing him away to avoid any stronger feelings developing? Not sure - only you can answer this question. We cant tell you why you act the way you do!

But let me just say this - you both like each other, why cant you just get on with it and get together?! It all sounds very childish and school playground to me - his friends trying to get you together, you refusing to hug him even when he has his arms open (that will have hurt him, especially doing it twice - not nice to have that happen in front of everyone twice).

Cant you just go up to him the next time you see him and tell him how you feel? Or cant you arrange to meet up with him and then you can tell him? I know men normally make the move etc but it seems both of you are pretty useless at getting this to move forwards, so someone is going to have to be brave and make the first move! It is so silly this avoiding each other but really liking each other business - you both feel the same so just get on with it!

The next time you see him, get him on his own and tell him that you have had enough and this has to stop. Tell him you really like him and you want to be with him, but if he cant talk to you and make any effort with you then you are done and need to move on. Hopefully being strong with him and laying down the law will shock him into a response and with any luck, all will go well for you!

But as I have said - this is silly playground nonsense and one of you needs to get over it and make a move. He doesnt look like he will any time soon - so you are going to have to be the one to do it. Lets just hope you havent pissed him off too much with refusing his hugs twice, I know a lot of guys would have written a girl off if she did that to them twice in front of his friends so you may have blown it. But still - you need to try one last time otherwise you will never be able to move on, this has been going on for way too long now and you need to know one way or another if this is ever going anywhere.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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