A
female
age
30-35,
*rkn_hrted
writes:recently i broke up with my boyfriend. we were moving, like, halfway across the world, but i dont think it would have gone anywhere because although there was love there was nothing else.when i came home, i made a new friend. a girl. i have never ever felt anything more than friendship stuff for a girl.we made up this joke, cuz a boy in our class thought we were lesbians, that we were married. we had a ceremony at a sleepover when we were high on sugar.thing is, im starting to wonder if its a joke for me now. when im alone... or when im with any of my other friends... or my family... although im happy, i also have this wierd ache inside where im missing him. but i have dont have that when im around her - not often anyway.this is way beyond best friendship for me now. but i dont know what it is. cuz i dont fancy her - i know that. i havent told her any of this, and i also feel like im using her a bit when i try to stick round her to feel better, and hurts more than it should do when she can make a sleepover or whatever.so what's going on here? why do i feel like this and what does it mean? should i tell her or what?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Hi, hon, your question is a little difficult to understand, which is probably why you're not getting many answers. So you had to move away from your boyfriend and still feel an ache in your heart for him. And you have a new girl friend (two words, friend who happens to be a girl) who thinks she is more that 'just friends' with you? She thinks she is actually your girlfriend (all one word) and you do not fancy her. But the people around you think that you are lesbians. Do I have that more or less right?
It's difficult to move a long way away from people who matter to you. I know, because I've done that several times when I was growing up, and I did it at age 14 then again at age 16. So it stinks, and it's scary and it's hard to make new friends sometimes.
You have deep feelings of sadness for the life you left behind, and more than that, deep feelings still for the people you had to leave behind. It's not nice.
I think that the best policy is honesty when it comes to relationships. I don't mean that you have to be brutal or blunt about telling someone something; you can be very gentle and compassionate and calm about things.
So I think that you could talk about missing your old life and how you're feeling confused and depressed and that you want to be just really good friends. (I hope I got your question correct, ignore this if it isn't pertinent to your situation.) Maybe including more people when you get together with her, so that the relationship isn't so intense might not be a bad idea.
If you want to clarify things a bit more, maybe I'll be able to give you more ideas.
Take care.
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