A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I fall for men too easily and too fast. If they are not interested and reject me it really upsets me. Its beginning to ruin my life, the only time I feel good about myself is when I am drunk becuase it blocks out the feelings but it also makes me lose my inhibitions which usually results in me throwing myself at people, wishing for them to like me. At the time I dont care but afterwards I feel pathetic and desperate. I have a self-hate whhich is building up in me more and more because of this vicious circle.I am young, have a good job and earn a decent wage, my own flat and lots of friends so why am I like this? Why do I fall in love so easily and always end up getting hurt?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): maybe our conceptions of love are ultimately very different. I feel like some of us maybe recognize passion, infatuation, or extreme companionship...as love. But it takes all three of those, an unsaid general and specific agreement on life, open communication and trust, and a lot of time together to produce the highest quality unconditional love.
A
female
reader, nlp +, writes (10 June 2008):
 im the same i notice everytime i get close to a lad i fall very quickly for them and i try to give 100 percent of love and affection i got to them. and i seem i get to attached. which then when we end up spliting i get reli hurt but now i have been with this lad for 4 monthes and we are goin good and a shock to me i am now pregnant with his baby and hes a bit turned off but we are gettn through it. i supose life changes are difficult but u will find somewere inside you to not be to attached like i did as i know hardly see my bf as he travels alot but i know that he will be there for me know so when you find someone which you will in time you will stop being so attached as u get used to them nd u like bit of space .
hope this helps
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Hi,
Yet another case.. me. I am a boy and I fall for so many girls. I am handsome, very kind.. maybe too kind? I'm not sure if I love myself or not.. but I try to be kind to everyone. I probably come on strongly also.. I wrote this girl a poem for valentine's day and she didn't talk to me for a while:). I'm only 18. The pain is immense and I have experienced a lot of pain- my parents died. So i want a parter, I am as affectionate as they come.. but it doesn't work. So? =/
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): (excuse my grammer im jus writting) But anyways I understand every one Its crazy how fast I can fall for a guy if im attratcted to him already once he say something sweet like boo or baby or babe or watever it gets to me and I try real hard to hold myself back from being all over him because I dont want him to think im trying to force him to be my boyfriend and desprate...
But not sounding mean I think our promblem is we are kinda desprate but not like that we just want some one that will appericate all the love we got to give and not judge us and jus accept it and love us the same way back
at lease thats how I feel...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I'm 18 and I'm going through the same thing. I fall in love soo fast, everyone says its a phase. but its not I just get attatched really easily in general. Im very sensative too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): OMG...I'm actually crying, not like balling or weeping but tearing heavily and my nose is running. I'm a guy and I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN, I fall in love SO FAST AND SO HARD that i SWEAR it's like i don't have a choice in the matter and im NOT kidding. It's like I see a girl and i'm attracted to her and that's it, BLAM, now i'm just along for the ride and there is NO WAY OFF OF IT or to stop it, it just has to run it's course which is SO MUCH MORE PAINFUL THEN I COULD EVER DESCRIBE...let's put it this way, if someone told me that if I simply chopped off my hands I would never feel that pain again I would hack them off with a plastic spork...its so painful that I HAVE ACTULLY BECOME WICKEDLY ADDICTED TO oxycontin which actaully provided an ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF RELIEF for the first 7 years.I just don't get it and I HATE IT!!!!! I am 37 however I look 24, very successful, and I am absolutly georgous by way of doing the best with what i've got...meaning that I would not consider myself even average looking but I studied diet, nutrition, and training for 10 years and my body is breathtaking which changes the way i carry myself making me very attractive...One thing that really stuck with me about the original posters 2nd response was how do you love yourself when you annoy yourself. For example, my mom could be Joan Rivers sister and I'm not kidding while my dad is the quinticential engineer therefore, my mom DROVE MY DAD CRAZY, she was the most annoying person he had ever met and my dad drove my mom crazy likewise...and I ended up getting the most potent of each of them so I litterally CAN NOT STAND THE SOUND OF MY VOICE, THE FACT THAT I LOVE SCIENCE FICTION, THE FACT THAT I LOVE TO DANCE NOR THE FACT THAT I LOVE COMPUTERS. I swear to God, I DRIVE MYSELF FUKING INSANE as well as others AND I KNOW THIS!!!! So what is someone like me to do? HOW CAN I EVER LOVE MYSELF. To drive this point home, this entire post i've written is PATHETIC, it is SOOOOOOOO MOTHER FUKING, GOD DAMD WINNY AND ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): I am the same way, every time i meet a women i end up falling in love. I think what the problem is you just want to be accepted and loved and they avoid you because you come on to strong
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Gaaaaaaah, I have the same problem! Except I don't hate myself. I find myself always falling in love so fast for guys. All I have to do is like, look at a guy and I start to really like him! It's probably why I've never had a boyfriend...I'm only 16, though. And a lot of people act like, "Oh, you're 16, you can't be in love, you still have your whole life ahead of you." Well, sure, I still have my whole life, but it's hard when you are in high school and you keep getting rejected as all of your friends have boyfriends and love lives.
And I know what you mean by alcohol blocking out your feelings. So does pot.
I guess one reader was right, we should just think more like men, and be more practical.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Because we women are made like that. we are very sentimental. the moment we develop feelings for a guy, we start making movies in our head and all that. men are usually very practical. to stop being hurt u should start thinking like a man
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): waterloo sunset is right. I am 50 and have made mistakes all my life, falling in love easily, getting hurt, trying to be the perfect woman that HE wants. I am just trying to get over the love of my life now. Our romance has ended because I suppose Ijust loved too much. But some people do, and it is really hard to pretend to be someone else if you are naturally loving.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): I cant see how you can take those answers seirously adn truly beleive that that will help u, your clinically deperessed - find the person who loves you back or become a heavy perscription drug user
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Are you having sex with these guys you easily fall for? It seems as if you're a very "open minded girl", meaning, "premiscuious girl".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007): Do you have sex with all these guys you "supposably" fall for?You need to find out who you are as a person. Work on yourself instead of finding love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007): Dr Pete is so right. Stop beating yourself up. Take the time that you are single to build yourself up. Learn to love yourself and discover the person that you really are. Don't get too hung up on meeting someone, love your time with your friends and family. Enjoy just what you have and make the most of every day of your life. Wake up in a morning and be happy. When you do meet someone, just be yourself and don't adapt to how you think the bloke want you to be. If you don't like something, then say, never compromise. You are a wonderful person and deserve to meet someone really great.
Love life and yourself, the right person will come along.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, Dr Pete + ♥, writes (5 March 2007):
 Maybe you fall in love "easily" because you want to feel loved back, more than you have self-love?
It is a great thing to wear your heart on your sleeve, and to be open emotionally to feelings of love. But. As you have seen, opening yourself up too much to someone you don't truely know will end in pain.
The other reply is right in that you could avoid unnecessary pain by concentrate on developing self-love. Self-love is to truly love and appreciate the great things you obviously have to offer to others. By realising these, you will feel good about yourself when sober thus not feeling the need to get so drunk.
When you love yourself, you appreciate the qualities you have, and you are more careful about who you choose to fall for. For example, you will probably recognise faults in the guys you have met previously before you develop strong feelings for them. This is not the same as being too picky, or judgemental, it is rather a natural and instinctive way of only opening your heart to those who open theirs to you. You will have an inner-strength to reject those who don't meet your standards and rather than feel empty and rejected, you will feel happy and confident.
You will not get anything beneficial from your current feeling that there is something wrong with you because as you have said, it makes you feel upset. This in turn hurts you more, and makes the problem worse.
You need to work out a way of realising the things you can offer to a relationship, I'm sure there are tons, when you think about it. At the same time, see the problems that your previous guys have had and put these down as things you don't want in a future partner. When you can see these two things, I think you will be more careful about who you fall for. You will appreciate your qualities and you won't want to share them to someone who isn't worthy - e.g. someone who shows the same signs as guys you know from experience you don't want.
As you say, you are young, have a good job, your independence and a good circle of friends. It sounds to me like you've also had your fair share of relationship and love experience so you are in a most perfect situation to now want and expect more from your next partner and to hopefully find yourself someone who will make you happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007): Hello, thanks for your answer. I have a few friends who tell me that I am too hard on myself and I should learn to love myself and have self respect. But I just dont know how. How can I begin to like myself if every part of me annoys me!! Where do I start?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): I am similar to you myself and I think I wear my heart on my sleeve. I want to be loved and liked and yet when I think I am getting somewhere the men I meet start acting strange..... I can only put this down to a pattern.... maybe if you and I started to "love" ourselves first we would let ourselves be treated so badly and let these men get away with what they do to us.... So, the answer is not to allow yourself to "give in" so easily hold a little bit back for your own pride and stand tall and love yourself first... that way they male species wont hurt us! Sounds good in theory but I will try if you will! xxx
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