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Why do I always have to argue?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 December 2007) 1 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 18-21, NickPalace writes:

Hey,

I've noticed that at some point, with girls, I have to argue with them, and even seem to get a sort of 'kick' out of it.

Sounds weird I know, but this is even with friends that are girls.. I don't know a girl that is a good friend, or who I have dated that I haven't argued with, and whilst I am arguing with them, I seem to enjoy making them feel bad for a bit, even if they mean a lot to me.

I met this really nice girl recently who has become like my best friend, and we connect really well.. she is one of, if not my best friend. Anyway, she's really nice, and wouldn't do anything to upset anyone, least not me, but I had an argument with her yesterday, over something trivial, she's been trying to ring me all day, and I've been ignoring her. Then when I spoke to her tonight she is really annoyed with me, and it's all my fault. I feel so bad as I know she wouldn't do it to me. I'm also the same with girls in relationships.

View related questions: best friend

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A female reader, bitterblue Romania + , writes (6 February 2008):

bitterblue agony auntFirst step is acknowledging your problem, which you are, bravo! You must start an inquiry in the land of your intimity, only you and your memories. What could have led to this habit? Maybe a feeling of inferiority that you want to supress by demonstrating you are always right? Be sincere with yourself and realise the damage it is doing to your relationships, past and future. After you decide to be more moderate in manifestations, you will have to befriend with patience and self-control. It IS a matter of will in the first place. You want to change as you have noticed it is of corrupting influence to your life, and it is within your jurisdiction to accomplish the goal. Imagine arguing with superiors, at work! This would haunt you at the next office by the 'recommendations' you get. You will in exchange learn to explain your point of view mildly and respectfully, when you will have dropped the need to be right in favour of the need to be listened to and tolerated, very repaying policy, I assure you.

All the best.

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