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Why do guys not commit to the girl they were with, but with the next?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 April 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, *idsummer writes:

Why is it that every guy I have dated, is now in a serious relationship, or engaged? But while they were with me, they did not take me serious at all. I was a good girlfriend, I prob could have i?mproved in some stuff. But above that why do guys do that, why aren't they ready with one girl, but commits to the next one so fast?

View related questions: engaged

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (4 April 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntBecause they fall in love. It took me a long time to figure this out.

they just were not your fit... you will find the right guy and he will have come from a line of girls that were not the right fit for him.... and poof you two will ride off into the sunset together going "where have you been my whole life?"

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (2 April 2014):

person12345 agony auntBecause you weren't a good fit. I like the shoe analogy below. Sometimes you can do things to make the shoe fit, stretch it, wear thick socks, put on bandaids, but in the end, it just doesn't fit no matter how much you want it to or try. You can't make yourself into the perfect girlfriend. Either you are or you aren't a match and there's no sense beating yourself up over it because it's not what you did wrong.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (2 April 2014):

Ciar agony auntMidsummer, normally these questions are so broad and open ended they're impossible to answer definitively. Why were you attracted to some guys but not others? Why do you prefer one colour over another?

In your case part of the answer is obvious. Presumably you were dating guys close to your own age and while they wouldn't be ready for a life long commitment at age 16-17 they are more likely to be at age 18-21 and even more likely at age 30-35. This is kind of a no brainer, isn't it?

This is not a reflection of you and your value, but of their own personal growth.

The other reason is you may have been scaring guys away with your expectations. No one likes the smell of desperation. It's smothering and demanding.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (2 April 2014):

eyeswideopen agony auntThat's what dating is all about, like trying on shoes, sooner or later you find one that just fits and feels great. Maybe your next boyfriend will be coming from a relationship that was just not quite right and you'll be the one that fits. You can relax, you've plenty of time.

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