A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm an 18 year old senior guy in high school. I'm very quiet and when I talk I sound all quiet, and I think it makes me sound all shy, timid, and sissy. Even my sister told me I come off as kind of a sissy cause of how quiet I talk. I'm not ugly but not a cute guy, just average. Do girls not respect a guy who doesn't act like a man? It bugs me because they always mug me and I can't help I have severe social anxiety. It makes me want to punch them, even if they are girls. I would never actually hit on a girl, but if I don't know how else I could get respect. I'm not a loud sociable guy. I just want to be left alone.It makes me feel inferior when they look at me annoyed/disgusted and they always chose other guys over me, even if they were ugly, or even fat. As long as those dudes new them well. Like if one of my friends asks if they would go out with me, there response is usually this "Ummmmmmm no" and laugh or some crap.
View related questions:
shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@llifton- This is my first year at this school. And no one here has made fun of me. And since my social anxiety is bad to the point where I can't focus on having fun, I can't make girls laugh at all. I always catch myself trying too hard, then I don't try at all and I'm still not funny. And since they see me as an average guy, with an absolute boring personality, than I'm probably like a 2 out of 10 to girls.And leaving high school won't mean anything. My social anxiety is a problem that will stick with me. It's not like things are any different when I go to the local grocery store and see a cute girl. If I make eye contact with them, they don't smile or anything, they just look away and pretend I'm not there.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 February 2013):
 one thing for peace of mind: you'll be out of high school at the end of this year, so you're mostly in the clear. kids in high school are brutal. you'll find that this doesn't happen nearly as much once you leave the high school realm and step into the real world. you'll realize popularity in high school means nothing.i will say for sure, that women go for confidence and personality. most definitely. take a very average-looking guy and give him a charming, out-going or commanding personality, and he will definitely be able to get women. it's all about confidence and how you carry yourself. and if you can make a girl laugh, you're golden.i know you say that you're incredibly socially awkward or uncomfortable, but is it possible that you're that way because you've been made fun of in that environment for so long, it's made you become that way? basically, what i'm saying, is that if you started over in college or a new town, with people you didn't know and hadn't gotten made fun of by for so long, could you be more confident? sometimes a fresh beginning is all one needs.just keep your head up. you're still young. you've got plenty of years to grow into yourself and your personality. give yourself some time. i'll bet you'll be perfectly okay.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): I definitely think you need to work on yourself before you start looking for a relationship. You say you hate the way people judge you, but then go on to talk about how no guy would 'bang a fat ugly girl'. What makes you think that is better than what people think about you? I think you need to work on your bitterness and anger towards those who have rejected you and realise that the attitude you have is probably holding you back as much as anything else. From their point of view, they see someone who makes no effort to get to know them (we know it's the SA but they probably don't), refuses to make eye contact, deliberately isolates himself from the group and wants to be 'left alone' and has a great deal of anger and hostility towards them (even if you say nothing people will pick up on that). What about that would make someone feel like they could approach you, or that you would be a fun person to go out with? I'm not saying you are not fun of course, but people won't see that about you and they won't try to unless you stop shutting yourself down and meet them half way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@cerberus- Even after saying that, you got to hook up with them anyways? I thought if they said "no way in hell" than they would never have interest in you. Like if a guy was asked if he would bang a really fat ugly girl, he would say "hell no" and nothing would change his mind because he's not physically attracted to her. But I guess girls are different. For guys I think it depends on how he talks to her/ carries himself.Also Did you get over your social anxiety or did it just get better? Mine got crippling when I hit 15 and my puberty hormones kicked into overdrive. I just became sensitive and have terrible mood swings, almost like a girl. I also had loads of weird changes to my body like constipation, I poop once every 3 days. I still have all those problems including acne. The reason I mention that is because I think it's hormones, and hopefully just a phase. Maybe I'm just going through phase.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): OP it's not nice but that is how some people express themselves. People don't always sugar coat things and some people can be downright rude, try not to take it personally.
OP I've had tonnes of "no way in hell's" and most of them I got to shag anyway, because most girls like to think they know what they want then go for something completely different, most can be convinced to do just about anything if you know how to play them.
OP social anxiety can be crippling, I understand it well as I suffered extreme depression and that was one of the symptoms.
It's like anything in life OP, if something is holding you back then you need to change that thing.
Time to go see your school counsellor and discuss this matter with them, talk to your parents and let them know how you feel your life is going and that you'd like help to improve it.
It's not as easy as just saying "believe in yourself" or "chin up" there's not much we can say to make your experience of life any easier because I honestly think you know people aren't going to think you're pathetic, they're just going to find it a bit hard to connect to you because you're so closed off.
A counsellor can help you find the right services to help with this kind of thing OP, you should really go consider going having a discussion with them. You have to change this and have nothing to lose by trying.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Cerberus- First off I never said that I didn't want girls to like me? I want to be left alone as in I don't want to be looked down just because I'm not like the other guys. And if they're giving their honest opinion, then why do they have to give it in the rudest way possible? They could at least just say no and say it like "theres no way in hell" tone of voice.Why do they mug in the hallways? Is it because I can't make eye contact and it makes me look weak? Do weak people draw attention. I get really uncomfortable even if one person is walking by me in the hallway. I don't know what to look at so I look at the ground, idk what's wrong with me.Also I have this fear that no one would like my personality, and I don't just feel that way with girls, just people in general. But when I think of talking to an attractive girl, I start thinking that she wouldn't like me at all, I'm too boring.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): Who said they don't respect you OP? Most people react like that to overly shy and quiet people. People so visibly uncomfortable around us make us wonder if it's us that's making them feel that way and they make us feel uncomfortable too.
OP your problem isn't shyness, it's bitterness and anger. So what if a girl says she wouldn't go out with you? You just want to be left alone so what's the problem? You don't hit on women, you don't have a history of relationships and you want to be left alone, so why the hell are you angry?
You don't want to be with a woman so why do you want them to fancy you or like you? Makes no sense.
OP girls don't disrespect you they just don't know you because you don't bother your arse getting to know them. They don't go out with you because you don't hit on them, so why the hell do you expect girls to want to be with you when that's your attitude?
You've mad yourself known, as you and your sister have said, as the quiet little sissy. You think 18 year old girls are going to cream their knickers over a guy like that? One who doesn't even bother trying to get them and doesn't want to?
Nope.
They're not disrespecting you, just giving their honest opinion of whether they'd go out with you.
Maybe you'd want to accept the way you want to live and if the way you're living is making you angry and bitter then change it. Otherwise stop complaining about girls not wanting you when you don't even make the effort to get to know any of them. OP women don't just fall on our laps, we have to work at getting them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): Dude dont let that bother you. I'm sure your a great guy. Some girls just like to be rude for the attention.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): You are just like my boyfriend was... Before we started going out all the girls strongly disliked him, they thought he was a waste of space and annoying! Although he has quite a loud personality unlike you, people still didn't like him. Me and him became very close friends and if anything I was his bestfriend, I suggest you try and be-friend a girl? They can't all seriously hate you. Do you have a friend group? Or are you on your own? After a while me and him got on so well as friends we started going out - 9 months down the line we are happy as anything xxx
...............................
|
