A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Back around the start of this year, I 'met' this 21-year old American girl* on Twitter. She was already following me and a number of other people I follow who were already following her, and so I ended up following her back. She pretty much immediately thanked me for following her, to which I replied, and we had a short conversation between each other. For whatever reason, which I don't think I have really truly thought about or explored properly, I searched for and added her on Skype a short while (perhaps a few hours or days) later, which she accepted. We got talking, she said I seem or sound like quite the catch, and things started to heat up pretty quickly between us. We may have engaged in a light bit of cybering, and I guess I got rather attached to her pretty quickly. She did make me feel sort of all warm and fuzzy inside.I think it was within about a week that she asked to see a photo of me so I obliged, and she said I look handsome. Nothing else, didn't give me any real clue or clear indication that she wasn't as interested in me as she seemed before. It was only the next day though that she started going on about this guy who seems to fancy her or something, and I think she was umming and arring about it to me. This left me all confused and bewildered, considering how heated things had been the past few days between us. Basically... she broke, no actually completely smashed, my heart. She led me on, made me think she really liked me and we really had a chance of getting together, then turned around and effectively shot me down or something.This. Completely. Ruined. Me. And. Shattered. My. Whole. World.I was left depressed (undiagnosed, I might add, but I was very very low), and got worser and worser. I'm still feeling the effects of all this to this day, I have to deliberately skip or avoid certain songs before I fall apart again. Even ending it all has seriously crossed my mind a few times.We still talk to each other, and we've already arranged for me to meet her at the airport next month when she's back over here next. Based on some songs that resonate with me, I think deep down I know that I should rid of her from my life ('unfriend' her), but I don't think I can really truly do that as I love, and am now deeply in love, with her despite what she's done to me.I guess that's everything to this story you would need to know to hopefully be able to give me some advice. I hope you could help me Cupid, I really need you.Thank you.* = I think I will always call her a girl, not a woman, despite her age, because she is just that - a silly little girl.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 September 2012):
 Honey, what you feel/felt for her is not love. It's an obsessive infatuation. You NEVER knew HER. You knew what she told you, what she LET you see. It is easy to "fall" for someone in cyberspace thinking it's love. But here is the thing, what she was looking for is attention and what you were looking for was love. You had a "fantasy" together. Plain and simple. Except, she got her SIDE fulfilled you didn't. Because she didn't LOVE you back. She just used you to make herself feel better for a few days/weeks.
I wouldn't be surprised if this cybering was something she did often with people who seems interested in her. For her it's a game. She is a virtual attention whore (in lack of a better name).
Unfriend her. The sooner the better. REMOVE her from your life. And accept that she wasn't who you thought she was or who you WANTED her to be.
Go OUT an meet people near you. Get to know some girls who isn't across the Atlantic playing games with people through the computer.
If you still have thoughts of suicide I would urge you to call a suicide hot line and talk to someone.
Samaritans
Phone
UK: 08457 90 90 90
ROI: 1850 60 90 90
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (15 September 2012):
 I want to make sure I've got this all correct. You started talking to her on twitter about 8 months ago. Within a week she crushed you and was talking about someone else she was interested in. I'm curious why you continued to talk to her at that point. It was very early on and easy to cut contact. And I'm also curious what you talk about now when you say you still speak. Does she still bring up other men? Was that a one time mentioning of another man or is it still happening? Does she say she loves you? Have you told her? I'm really curious what the conversations now consist of. All the information we have is what happened in the first week, the next 8 months are unaccounted for.
Its hard to give advice without knowing the things I've asked because I don't know where her head is it at this moment. What I will venture to guess is that she isn't as into you as you are her and that's why you mention blocking her and knowing you should move on. I hate to say it but cybering with someone so soon after meeting, within hours, and the compliments and following many people says to me that she does this easily and often. I doubt you are the only man she has or will do this with but you it seems like she's your first.
I also hate to say this but you aren't in love with her. You don't know her truly and it hasn't been very long. I've been in a few LDR's I've met online and felt the same way. There's something about speaking to someone online that makes you feel so close and speeds up the love type emotions. It's all infatuation though. I learned after every time. And though it seems so very hard to move past her, blocking her is actually pretty easy. And keeping busy and staying offline and off Skype is easier than you think too. I've been through tough break ups on and offline, and trust me never having met her makes it so so much easier.
Truthfully she's young. You aren't much older. You live in completely different countries and you are already very depressed and unsure of how she feels and the whole thing. The relationship won't ever make it to something real and serious. And I'm not sure she would even want it to. I would let this one go and move on. There's far too much depression on something that can't ever last.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (15 September 2012):
Because you have contemplated suicide and are depressed, i urge you to make an appointment to speak with a counselor immediately.
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