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Why did she broke up with me over a text message?

Tagged as: Age differences, Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 November 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 9 November 2010)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I was involved in a friend with benefits relationship with a woman who is 17 years older than me. We had a 15 months long relationship. I moved to a different city so the last 3 months of our relationship, we were just talking on the phone. I told her we can't have a serious relationship because of the big age difference. I wanted it to break up with her many times because she was treating me as a boyfriend and showing emotions, I didn't want to lead her on. I decided to just reply to her texts and answer her phone calls just being nice as a friend. She used to say that she is not looking for somebody. One day I was at work out of blue she sent me a text saying "I find somebody take care". I replied saying that I didn't ask her to tell me that stuff and asked her if she wants me to delete her number. Her reply was that her boyfriend doesn't want her to talk to her ex lovers and she wants me to delete her number and not to reply to her text message. I got mad so I took a break at work and called her but her boyfriend picked up the phone I told him I want to talk to her. Then I talked to her, She told me that she is in a serious relationship and she said that she has to go. Then I kept texting her. Her reply was that she doesn't want to be alone and told me to deal with my feelings. My question why she didn't call me and told me that stuff? why she ignores me? why she didn't end it in a good way and wished me good luck? I just want to understand why she was insensitive to my feelings like she was taking a revenge. Even if she didn't care about me. We are humans and we do have a heart. She could just sent me a nice text apologizing and wishing me good luck. I mean we had sex for a year and she said many times that she feelings for me.

View related questions: a break, at work, broke up, friend with benefits, her ex, revenge, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

I wasn't looking to break up with her. I was looking to keep her as a friend even if I get a gf. That is what we agreed to do. I mean if my future gf is gonna get jealous because I used to sleep with her, I would minimize or cut my communications with her but I would talk to her and do it in a nice way not over a text message. We used just talk on the phone. I just used to have a regular conversation with her nothing sexual at all but the way she end it is like I am her BF. Well she said that her new bf doesn't want her to talk to her ex lovers. Her situation is that she is an older woman who likes younger guys, she is separated and spent too many years all alone so she is desperate to get in a relationship. I guess she will jump into any relationship and she might chose the wrong person. I guess he is controlling her and she will do anything to keep him around. I never offered her anything serious, I told her many times that I want a gf who is in my age range. Anyway, I am not trying to initiate any contact with her or anything,I am just moving on.

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A female reader, MoonLux United States +, writes (8 November 2010):

MoonLux agony auntFrom what you wrote, I think you were expecting to break up with her, and not the other way around. There were so many miscommunications and disconnect about feelings and how it's shown or the lack of. Seems like you didn't want to be in the relationship in the beginning, you didn't want to lead her on, SHE was the one acting like you were her boyfriend.. Given that it is messed up that she broke up with you via text, what exactly are you going after? The honest, trusting relationship you both had with each other (I'm being sarcastic).

Let her move on. Maybe she found someone else that will actually give her what she wants. AND the bonus is, you might find someone for you too! ;)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010):

Well she was the only option that I had and I didn't want to be alone and she was lonely too. I did like her because she was always showing a lot of interests in me like calling me and texting me all the time and being a really close friend. I didn't go with what the society want. It is just the age gap is so big and after like 10 years she will be so old and I will still be in my prime, I was just trying to be reasonable. I involved myself in such a relationship because I was alone and needed a close friend. Maybe like you said she ended it in that dramatic way to protect herself, I dunno. Anyway I moved so our relationship in the last 3-4 months was just based on phone conversations. I just liked to ended it in good terms that is all. Yes, I missed being in a relationship and having a close friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010):

oh, i see u've developed some feeling s for her and u're only realizing that now. She told u how she felt about u plenty of times but u chose to g with what society wants than what u want. i really don't agree with the way she ende things not that i agree with the relationship in the first place. But she could have been protecting herself. This is a lesson for u not to involve urself in such a relationship because i would say it's impossible for women not to develop feelings for a guy in that situation. It's not only her fault it's ur's too because u didn't want her as ur girlfriend now u have to wonder what u might have missed out on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010):

Well I know her from over a year. I didn't want her to show romantic feelings because I didn't want to show love feelings. She was too old for me was the main reason for not wanting a serious relationship. I did move far away so our relationship was only over the phone. I wasn't initiating conversations with her because I felt that she wants me to be her bf but I wan't ignoring her. I am mad because I cared about her feeling not to get hurt. I already moved to a new town and the sex stopped when I moved. I wouldn't be that mad if she called and explained her situation and respected me. I don't understand why is the hatred? I know she doesn't care about my feelings because she got somebody to service her sexually.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010):

Well I did develop emotions for her. I know her from 15 months ago. We are humans not animals. She used to text me and call me all the time. She was trying hard to make me like her and showing a lot of emotions. I guess everything was fake because she switched her emotions so fast. I was nice to her but I was honest and told her that our relationship is not going anywhere because she is by way older than me. Even when I moved far away to a new city, she insisted to keep being my friend and talk to me on the phone. She completly changed when she found somebody and showed her real face. It is just the shock when somebody completly change and don't care about you at all anymore.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010):

That's why FWB is never a good idea because one person always ends up getting hurt and to be honest i don't think you're cut out for that kind of thing. Most people can't handle it and i've personaly never understand how somebody could have sex with someone on multiple ocassions and not have any feelings for that persona at all, but that's just me.

These kind of casual relationships rarely last because at the end of the day it's just about sex and when one person ends up getting a bf/gf then it has to stop.

The way this lady decided to end things was very cold, in my opinion. She could have at least picked up the phone and i understand why you are so hurt.

Take this as a lesson learned that being FWB is not a good idea and you should start thinking about dating properly.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (6 November 2010):

rcn agony auntHow do you go from not wanting her to show emotions, to wanting her to when she decided to break off the benefited friendship? It sounds like somewhere down the line, you developed emotions for her, therefore would have appreciated this arrangement to end differently. If I were you, work on moving on, and don't worry about how it ended. There are many ways people end a relationship, just accept that this was her way, although it wasn't what you may have chosen.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010):

and clearly you had feelings for her, or you would not be so upset. The end of a relationship is like a little death. when something ends people do often feel grief. But different people deal with grief in many ways. I agree she could have used more finesse in the way she ended it. She moved on to someone else very quickly. So sadly, being sexually serviced on a regular basis is more important to her than your feelings.

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