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male
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sparky
writes: My girlfriend has trust and openness issues, though she is a total sweetheart. She's starting to open up to me. But I'm afraid I may have screwed up! She got a late-night phone call (unwanted)from a random guy. I got mad, and looked in her phone to see if she called him. She did, but now I'm ashamed that I looked. Should I tell her and confront her with this news, possibly eliminating that trust for good? Please help. Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, sparky +, writes (25 January 2006):
sparky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear anonymous. It would be most helpful if you would read the question more carefully. While some of your points are well taken, it's obvious you are projecting personal issues onto me becuase you said some things that were not in the question at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): Wow! I can't believe so many people think that prying into her calls is acceptable, just because you're curious and/or jealous.Secretly checking someone else's phone log is NOT OK. It's an enormous invasion of a person's privacy, and I don't care how common it is. Unless she asks you to get into her call log, you never have a right to do that. You don't own her, and she doesn't owe you any explanation about the calls she makes and receives.Sheesh. YOU made an error of judgement. YOU have issues with jealousy, and yet you tried to make HER the guilty party? That's just wrong.Did you happen to notice that she *received* the call in question? She didn't *make* that call. That should have been the end of the story. If you don't trust your girlfriend enough to take her word for it when she says it was an unwanted call, then you should break up now.No wonder this girl has "trust and openness issues" if this is the treatment to which she's accustomed. Yes, you screwed up. Now it's up to you to make it up to her.Start with a sincere apology for mistrusting her in the first place, and snooping into her private calls in the second place. Assure her that this isn't something you'll ever do again. Then... don't. If you can't control your impulses to check on her behaviour, then you're not emotionally mature enough to have a serious relationship.You also need to get some help into discovering why you're so jealous in the first place, and why you won't take responsibility for your own feelings. Your GF is never responsible for your jealousy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): hi there mate,
Dont worry about it dont tell her you look in her phone unless she asks u that way she cant say u dont trust her, if she knows then say to her you assumed that she was upset about that call and u wanted to ask the caller to leave her alone even if its her friend because shes your girland he has no right she'll say that u shud not have done that u just reply look at it from my point of view if fenales where calling me u would get angry. i dont know if it will help but i know u only checked because ur in love with her and afraid of losing her, dont worry about it just show her how much u love her, be spontanious!
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A
female
reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (24 January 2006):
 If you think that your gf does have issues with trust then I think that you are walking on egg sheels and I think that you first have to find out who the caller is, it might not be a guy, it might be her friend etc. If you do want to confront her about it then you will have to take that chance of trust, but maybe she needs to know the truth. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, sherry1234 +, writes (24 January 2006):
Well, there is one question I must ask, did you call the number from her phone? If no, then get over it. If yes, then she might know already that you called any how and figures that it's not much of a big deal, one person's mistake is another person's relief. Think about that statement. What I think you should concentrate on is why you decided to check to see if she called him back, even after she told you this guy's affections wasn't wanted. Jealously is a relationship killer in itself, not the act of checking to see if she called the guy back or not. The mere fact that she stated the call was unwanted should have been enough for you, but it wasn't. I'll tell you what, sit down and think about what you really want from this girl. It seems to me that you are uncertain this is the person for you anyways. She must exude some sort of behavoir that leads you to believe that this isn't really the relationship for you. Also, you're not married to her, she's just a girlfriend, and this applies to you too. If you get so stressed out over a relationship that by many legal standards won't get emergency surgery done for you , her signature , and not your parents, if the situation occurs, then you're definitely not ready for marriage. Take care of yourself, and see the answers before you. Chao! Sherry1234
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A
female
reader, cry-on-my-shoulder +, writes (24 January 2006):
dear writerallyou need to do is explain to her why you did it!you obviously did it because you care about herNOT because you didnt trust herwell, its the truth isnt it you do care about her.your just trying to protect her!!!luv amy.d
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