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Why did I have to fall for my friend who is in a relationship?

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 7 June 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

One of my really good friends and I knew each other since high school but we really didn't start talking and getting to truly know each other until this year, which is our senior year. My friend, she's gay, and I really got close, we're so comfortable talking to each other and we feel really close... And I became even closer to her when going through those tough, you know, teenage times. In these times I felt so worthless, unhappy and hopeless and she really showed me the positive side to all of this. Even when I was alone, she chose to be there, she made me feel so... worthwhile, which is so different to what I was experiencing before with some of my family and friends. She even managed to catch my bad sides which I hate showing to people because I can be mean sometimes and no matter how mean I am to her, she's still there and she's never mean to me back. I felt like i began to fall for her...emotionally then physically and all those wonderful feelings. By the way, I'm not really into labels but I'm straight and she's the only girl I've ever been attracted to.

But of course being a teenager I thought, these are just my teenage feelings and its just a crush, I'll get over it, just like my other crushes. But then when she got a girlfriend I thought I would be happy for her, but I wasn't! I became so sad. But I still thought "I'll get over these feelings." But months later my feelings have only gotten stronger, this has never and I mean NEVER happened to me. It makes me scared, and a couple weeks ago she told me she was falling for her girlfriend and it's getting serious and I faked being happy and when I went to bed that night I cried so much. The next day and for the rest of the week I completely ignored her, you know trying out the " out of sight out of mind" thing, but it failed because I just kept thinking about her more and I ended up hurting and scaring her with my cold attitude, later that same weekend she told me that she loves me (of course she probably meant it as a friend) and I know she's the type to not really say that to many people. I was happy to hear that but its as friend so it doesn't put me any where.

Sometimes I have these discussions with her, asking her about relationships and so on, and basically she says she wouldn't date a friend because she thinks its not good for her and she believes that when you find that someone there has to be "sparks" on the first time. And I disagreed and said these "sparks" could develop with friends but of course we just argued, by the way I forgot to mention that we argue A LOT and we are pretty much complete opposites. I even joked around one day saying good things you won't never have to put up with a girl like me in a relationship and her response was anything can happen...so what does that mean? Anyway, I don't know what to do. I'm not confessing because I don't want to be some home wrecker but I can't stop thinking about her. Am I in love? What should I do? This totally sucks I finally find someone who's my type, I can connect with, accepts and loves all of me...there's just so much that I feel and what I wrote here probably doesn't do it justice. Ugh great, I had to fall for my friend who's in a relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010):

OMG girl!... I know exactly how u feel!...same here...my best friend is bi, and she likes me more than just a friend,..now, I'm straigh!t, but she makes me feel a feeling that I've never felt about a girl before...I didn't like her like that b4, but about 3 months later, I do like her like that, but she got a boyfriend now.:(...so it sux!...:(

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A female reader, DiamondGirlx United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2010):

DiamondGirlx agony auntOh no fudgestickles lol

Sounds like you've got it bad for her hun, now you have two options here and also two outcomes

1. you tell her how you feel, you tell her that you have fallen for her and your happy she's your best friend but you want more and some of the greatest relationships have started from great friendships, but explain to her that you dont want her to freak out because even if she doesnt have the same feelings back you still want to remain good friends - now she may either freak out which you will jus have to cope with or she could understand you feelings and may also have feelings for you and t could be the start of something great.

2. you dont tell her how you feel, you keep all your feelings inside of you and wait till they gradually go away *(which can be never but you will tend to cope with them), find someone else to go out with,

p.s before you decide what you going to do, decide whether you really are bisexual or whether you just strongly care about your friend because your sooo close. anyways take care and best of luck whatever you do xxxx

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