A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy who is in the same program as me in my university He is really nice and always gives me advice. I like him and I think he likes me too, because he tells me why a nice girl like me doesn't have a boyfriend. we text each other occasionally and just get to know each other better. well one of the talks we had we were asking each other random questions like favorite band, things like that. and all of a sudden he sends me a text" are you ready for a very personal question", I said yes, thinking that he was going to ask me how many boyfriends I've had something like that. the question was are you a virgin?. I was so confused as to why he would ask me that and was surprised. I answered and said I've never had a boyfriend and said yes I am a virgin. I know I should have asked why he wanted to know but I just was caught off guard. No one has ever asked me that question. then I asked him when was his first kiss trying to tone it down a little so he can get the hint. he answered and then asked what's the most I've done with a guy? again I was confused and then I said that we should tone it down a notch but I answered his question(i've never done anything with a guy). he said OK and that he was sorry. so after we started just talking normally like we always do. I just want to know what this means? why he wanted to know this information about me. does it have to do with age, I'm 18 and he is 21. but he has only had two relationships in his life he told me. once in his senior year of high school and another his freshmen year of college. any advice would be appreciated. thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Time to cut to the chase with this guy. You have a lot of 'ifs and buts' but honestly he's the only one that can answer your questions so stop beating around the bush and just ask him.
You know not all of us guys are good at making moves, in fact there are a lot of us that find that quite hard to do. There are also some that just don't know how and some that need to be absolutely, completely sure the girl is interested before we do. So while you're here asking if he's interested he could be off asking his friends if you are and nothing is happening because neither of you has actually cut to the chase and discussed it.
There's also practical considerations, you don't actually get to see each other in person at the moment and soon you will rarely see each other (if he moves to the other state). It's all fun flirting and getting to know each other over the phone but how can he take the next step by text? What's the point? What is the point in starting a relationship with a person over the phone? I mean LDR's don't work at the best of times, only a fool would actually start one from the beginning.
What you want just might not be workable at all.
As for the text thing, I'm like that. I hate phone calls, it's so easy to trip up and say the wrong thing and I always feel like I'm in a spotlight, every time with every phone call. They're just not nice. If I can't see the person and physically talk to them in person then I'm happy texting or IMing. I'm very awkward when it comes to phone calls. He could be the same. You see with texts you get time to compose an answer, to consider the question and take your time. There's no awkward silences with text, there's no saying the wrong thing, you can go back over everything you said and how you replied to a person when you text them. It's safe, secure and comfortable. Trust me a lot of us guys prefer it. I know plenty of girls that prefer it too.
Look he obviously likes you, okay? He does, I think you know that too but you have to find out yourself why he hasn't made a move.
Actually why haven't you made a move? You know what you want to happen, why are you sitting around hoping it will happen instead of making it happen? He could be doing the same thing, or he might not know what he wants, or he might not think having only a couple of months to see each other in person is worth starting a relationship for. The possibilities are endless and he's the only one that can tell you what's what.
The best advice I can give you OP, is to just go for it. Take a chance, do what you want and what you feel and see what happens. Nothing bad can happen, because honestly not taking the chance and not making the move might mean nothing ever does and you will always wonder what could have been. If he says he's not interested, which is unlikely, then at least you know.
Good luck OP, this is one of those situations where you have to take the initiative, I know we guys are supposed to do all the work make all the moves, but you girls fought hard to earn the right dictate your own path in life without relying on men for everything. Time to exercise that right and get what you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince my whole situation has been explained here i wanted to add more to it. This question is no longer about virginity more about relationship advice. So the whole virginity thing has been cleared up between us, he was just curious about me. He still treats me the same way now as he did before the virginity question, which shows me that it wasnt such a big thing for him if i was or not. He still hasnt asked me out on a date and i dont know why. We recently texted eachother but i also wanted to say something on the way we communicate with eachother. We are on break so we arent able to hang out and talk in person right now. So i also wanted to know why doesnt he call me instead?, because texting can be quite tiring. And i told him do you get annoyed of texting( to see if i was being annoying to him since i texted him this time) and he said he "no not at all :)" . So we continued on texting, asking questions to get to know eachother more. I really wanted to know if he liked me more than friends because he has said why a nice and cute girl like me doesnt have a boyfriend but he hasnt made a move. I do have to mention he is almost moving to another state so maybe thats a reason but that isnt till a couple of months. So i asked him so have any girls caught your eye and he said " lol considering i dont know when ill be leaving, i havnt been looking". I was really bummed out when he said that because i was hoping he would say me. So i acted like it didnt affect me and said " oh ok cool, ask me a question:)" and he asked so have any guys caught your eye. And i said ya tons trying to be funny but then i told him that i was just kidding and said that there has been this guy but i dont know if both of my eyes have been caught meaning im confused about this guy which i was trying to hint him that i like him but dont know if he got that i was talking about him. So i said if he was confused about my situation with this "guy" and he said "no confusion here lol" and then he said it was my turn to ask a question. I dont know if he wanted to change the subject. So then we moved on and asked other questions and then later on we said goodnight. So basically i want to know where he stands in this "thing" we have going? Why would he pursue me ( and it was him who pursued me, i never talked to him much before) in the first place if he is not looking for a girl currently to date. Which is what i want with him. I just need relationship advice because im confused about this guy? Thanks and please if you guys can answer all my questions.:)
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male
reader, als77  +, writes (5 January 2011):
I doubt he asked this question out of boreddom, he probably wanted to know your standing and chose this question deliberately.
For me (virgin aged 33) it is very painfull to imagine myself sharing my life with a non-virgin, so I would be very interested in knowing a potensial partners standing. However, I get a bit "concerned" since he says he was curious and not commented it in any way ("how nice" or "does this mean that you are waiting till the marriage"?). It seems (although it might be wrong) that he is "feeling you out" (either it is because he wants to "score" a virgin, decide on the probablity of having sex or whatever).
"He doesn't seem like that type of a guy"? They rarely do, I guess...
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour probably right xanthic and thank you for your feedback. Its just that he doesnt seem like that type of guy.He seems very sweet and nice guy and not mean at all. Because he also told me that he was curious( tons of guys are just curious but i know that wasnt a nice question to ask) and he wouldnt of been mad if i didnt answer his question. Im just confused about this guy, he's the one that pursued me by texting me and is almost always the one that texts first. The most recent convo. We had i text him first and he seemed bored with our convo. But i asked if i was bothering him and he said not at all, he's not doing anything. So we only talked for a bit and i ended it and we said goodnight. Is he not interested in me anymore?(i really like him though). This week we will see eachother in person( we are in winter break and also i want to add he pursued me by facebook and then moved on to texting. But he never talked to me before untill a few weeks ago, starting of winter break) since the semester is starting and we are in the same organization so i wonder how it will be. Ill update how it goes.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (3 January 2011):
 He's just covering his ass he was bored. Out of all the questions he could've asked, he asked you a personal question related to sex. Seriously, what else could that say other than 'I want to have no strings attached sex with you'?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so i just want to say thank you to everyone who answered. I asked him why he wanted to know this a couple of days ago and he said because he was bored from driving for hours so he asked. He said he wanted/needed something to occupy himself with. So now what does this say what he thinks of me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Maybe he is still a virgin and wants to abstain until marriage or at least he wants to find another virgin to lose it with.
If the guy can't ask about something important to compatibility like this at the beginning of the relationship, then when can he ask? Asking early is supposed to be a red flag. But asking later makes him the bad guy for backing out when he hears the wrong answer. Either way makes him the bad guy.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 hi a couple of reasons why he asked you this..1 he is looking to sleep with a virgin. this is treated almost like a trophy for some men. 2 he is looking to sleep with a virgin because he only wants to sleep with 'pure' girls (although he may not be pure himself if he had relationships already. 3 (again) he is looking to sleep with a virgin because he feels you will be naive with no previous men to compare him to 4 he is just curious about you 5 maybe wants to marry a virgin, although if he doesnt agree with sex before marriage then to be fair, he should also be a virgin! the fact is is that asking you something like this when he has only just met you is WAY from polite! think you will need to tread carefully with this man. he wouldnt be asking about your virginity unless he was hoping to take itxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Simple really. He was just feeling you out, to see how far he can get with you.
Would you be an easy lay, or would you be a lot of work? etc.
Are you inexperienced and malleable or are you intelligent and in control of your sexuality etc.
You're a freshman, you're easy prey, he has to know what he's dealing with so he can take the right approach to score with you.
Now he knows you're a virgin and you don't like overt sexual conversation, he's going to take the "I respect your wishes" route and play the nice guy to get you into bed. He's already made his intentions clear about that.
You see girls like you are the sweetest prize, no offence. You're inexperienced, you're a virgin and you're not overt sexually. This makes you one of the rare college girls that can be quite difficult to get in to bed because you probably have no intention of just jumping into bed with anyone without being a long term relationship first, so if he can get you into bed without all that. If he can play the nice guy and convince you to go just that little bit further every time until you sleep with him. Then he will be the man and pretty much every guy will be jealous of him.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (29 December 2010):
It means he's interested in having sex with you, it has nothing to do with age. Some guys place too much importance on purity, and they like the idea of being a girl's first. Others just want to add to the list of how many times they've taken a girl's virginity, and actively seek out women that meet the criteria.
Any time a man you're not already seriously involved with asks how many people you've slept with, it means he's only looking for one thing. There's no other reason why he'd ask such a personal question. Why else would he be concerned about it?
Next time he asks something like that, draw a line and tell him you're not comfortable with it. How many people you've been with is no one's business but your own.
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female
reader, nikolkacze123 +, writes (29 December 2010):
i would suggest he quite liked you, and wonted to be more than a friend maybe a boyfriend and had sexual feelings towards you.
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