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Why did he treat me so badly? And why do I still care?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I cant seem to get over how my ex treated me.here are some of the things he would say! Im fat ive got a fat bum. I dress stale. He could dress me better.he felt sorry 4 me thats why he was with me. I had a sad life. If i was bloke he would smash my face in. My mum looked like a witch and he wasnt looking foward to me getting old if i was gonna look ugly like her!

Al this was said in a serious way and i would b like what? Then he would say laughing. Im only playing u know im a joker i dont mean it! And he would say your beautiful gorgeous i love u so muci! But this really hurt me. And has knocked me so much im on antidepressents!

Even though he did this to me i live my life thinking bout him. Wishing things were different cos i fancied him so much and fell head over heels 4 his charm in the beginning! I dont want him happy when i feel so down and lonely but am frightened of starting anything new! Find it hard to believe theres nice guy who arent charmers and womenisers as he was.its not fair when he dont even realise how its affected me!

He trys to be my friend on facebook but i said no. But i find myself looking at his picture and wandering who he friends with on there but dont look incase i see something i dont like. Before i me him he had slept with nearly 100 women. And he said he had never felt like this before and he was so happy so in love so special. I know he wont find someone who put up with what i did and still be so loving towards. He would of had such a better life with me why did he treat me this way and give me up? Will he regret it?

View related questions: facebook, my ex

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A male reader, strawberries United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2009):

I agree completely with RCN. You should forget about him entirely and move on with your life. It is not important what he does or who he is friends with on FACEBOOK.

It's not uncommon for guys who prey on girls with low self confidence to criticise and insult them. It's emotional abuse and unfortunately is often quite effective at convincing girls not to break up with truely horrible guys because they are afraid no one else would want them.

Please please do not think this is true.

How long ago did you split up? Any relationship, even a bad one will take some time to get over.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (5 February 2009):

rcn agony auntOne way to describe abnormal behaviors is behaviors you consume for a purpose other than maintaining your sense of self. I bring this up because of your comment, "I dont want him happy when i feel so down and lonely..." This thought process places your focus in the wrong direction. Who cares if he's happy, you need to care if you are.

From reading this I think about a person who uses women to add another notch of who he's been with. He does say these things to remain detached, but in control where he may keep you but not allowing himself to get to close.

There are guys out there who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. In order to find someone who will you'll need to first build yourself back up. Remember you are special because you're the only you there is. You'll find happiness, just not with this jerk you're lucky to no longer be with.

Watch out for these guys who tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want. They are not worth your time or trouble.

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