A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello !So here it is, sorry in advance for the length of this message... but I'd really need an enlightenment on this :/I'm at university and I met a guy almost a year ago in class: he is the one that approached me at school. We talked, he asked for my number, and started to kind of chase me, talking to me a lot, joining me for lunch every day, he was being extremely nice and sweet. He also tried to spend time alone with me by inviting me over to his place for various reasons or asking me on walks and stuff quite often but I didn't know him well, it kind of scared me out. I never accepted these invitations, always found excuses. I accepted once but acted shy and a bit distant, I stupidly escaped when I was afraid he would try to make a move on me.... he had made it obvious he wanted it to be just him and me.The strange thing is I did like him already, but I needed to go very slow I guess because of my fears, it takes me time to feel comfortable with a guy.After 5-6 weeks or so his behavior changed, he suddenly became super distant even when I was making efforts to be friendly to him and initiate contact, he seemed to avoid/ ignore me, although sometimes he was staring, and being nice again. I was falling deeper and deeper for him and somehow we still managed to talk to each other again and became kind of good friends. We spent quite a bit of time together, shared nice moments. I felt like we had a lot in common and kind of a connection. He still behaved in a way that sometimes made me feel like maybe he felt stg more for me (ambiguous behavior, sweet or flirty things ) but despite of this and of the fact that my friends were telling me it was obvious he had stg for me, I wasn't sure and was too scared to tell him how I felt.... i was afraid of being rejected and loosing his friendship. He was hot and cold.I had to move away in December, he knew it from the beginning cause it had been planned for a while (my father found a job elsewhere, far away...). One week before leaving I was at a friends' party and he was there as well. We left the party at the same time and I managed to find the courage to talk to him about all of this. I needed to know. I asked him how he had felt and told him I had been confused. He seemed embarrassed, avoidant. He kind of denied at first, and eventually he kind of admitted his interest but said that me having to leave had been an issue...then i told him i had developed feelings for him and he said he had the same. But even if he was acting/talking nicely I could see he looked a bit annoyed by me bringing up the topic. He took me home, and after this day, he almost stopped talking to me, only when there was a good/practical reason, whereas we used to talk way more.The goodbyes were awkward and short. I mean he was being nice to me of course but I could feel he was being a bit closed, and didn't want to spend time with me. I've had warmer goodbyes with people I hadn't been that close to and spent less time with. I thought he was my friend and I got attached to him so in a way it hurt. Now I'm far away and we don't talk anymore. I have been disappointed at first but then I accepted it and moved on. He asked news from me maybe once or twice the very first months but not much, and he also did a few stupid jerky things that hurt me, so I couldn't even consider him as a friend anymore...I had to cut contact to preserve myself. Now the friendship is totally over.I just wonder why his behavior changed so radically after I confessed. Could you guys please give me your opinion on this ? Do you think he didn't actually like me ...or was annoyed by me confessing that late ? Thank you in advance !
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flirt, move on, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (18 July 2013):
 Dear Anom,
My advise would be for you to try not to plunder too much on this but if you must i think if he did really like you he wouldn't be annoyed with you at all for mentioning you had feelings for him regardless on how late you think it was when he also had numerous opportunity to tell you as well of his feelings but didn't. Telling him should have made him ecstatic and dreaming up plans on how both of you could manage it or constantly visit each other.
Please know that you haven't done anything wrong and when dating taking it slow and getting to know him was smart and important especially if you are looking for a more committed relationship. Him losing interest fast in the beginning seem unlikely he was looking for the same thing.
You have made a clean break and finding someone else next to you is your best option.
Goodluck
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