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Why did he not cum? I don't think I could put myself through such a work out again!!!

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 February 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 25 February 2007)
A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

ok I'm really inexperienced here so help needed. I recently had sex for the first time and like most people was extremely disappointed. To start with my bf did not rub my clit properly so i wasnt wet enough and it hurt more than when I've used a vibrator in the past. 2ndly I never felt any pleasure no matter what angle we tried. We were at it for the best part of an hour most of the time he was thrusting really hard and fast which made me dizzy cos of breath being knocked out of me and pain cos I think he was hitting my cervix.

There was no friction cos I was really really wet (using a condom though)and even when he would slow down for a while the grinding didn't help either. At the end of it he never came and I only let him continue so that he could get off cos I knew first few times I wasn't gonna b satisfied anyway so may as well help him! We tried so many positions and not one of them even though they were hitting my g spot managed to arouse me enough to climax. I was so knackered at the end too cos of the effort of trying to keep up with him and the inside of my legs feels like I've been horse riding for the first time!

Why did he not cum though? Why won't he cum when I give him a hand job too? He says it lasted longer cos i was so good but i think he was trying to make me feel better for being inexperienced. What should I do? The experience has really put me off of having sex with him again and although I wouldn't mind telling him that it wasn't pleasant cos I know he would try and improve I don't know if I can put myself through such a workout again! Please help!

View related questions: cervix, condom, g-spot, hand-job, really wet, vibrator

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007):

Hi, well it sounds like even though you are a virgin, you are aware of your own body and know what makes you cum...however, a couple of thoughts 'come' to mind.

Try not using your vibrator for awhile, especially if you are using it inside of yourself. A guys penis does not vibrate so you need to slow down and stop focusing on him and what he is doing and focus on the sensations that you are getting from all of his thrusting.

Tell him he needs to slow down, don't thrust so hard, give you longer strokes that are more gentle, he is acting like what he has seen in a porn movie, and trust me this is not the best way to do it. Try tightening the muscles of your vagina periodically with his longer strokes, this will make him come for sure and you will get more of a sensation. You can't be too wet, so that is not the problem here...it is the motion and you are focusing too much on him and not on you....If he has a long penis, try the position where he lies on his back and you are on top riding him, you control the depth and rhythm and can do what feels good to you....just try to relax and if you don't want to do a zillion positions in one session then don't...find one that works and stick with it for a bit.

I hope that you are using oral contraceptive and not just condoms, you are very young and condoms break, and you could end up with an unwanted pregnancy....I don't know why there are so many unwed teens and young adult women now days with all the effective birth control medications out there, I know they are costly, but so is a child for 20 plus years!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Surely a guy who has had a lot more experience than me would no how to please a woman or have a basic idea though no? Also missionary hurt a lot cos he kept hitting my cervix. Should i allow him to do missionary for hours on end (even if I tell him to cool it on the thrustin) even though he'll probably not get off and we both just get sweaty and sticky and frustrated? I wanna get the same feelings I get when we had dry sex and I was rubbing against him. Why can't it be the same and r u sayin I'll never get an orgasm through sex? Sorry for all the questions

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A female reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx United Kingdom +, writes (25 February 2007):

xxxsoulsistaxxx agony auntI think everyone feels this way at first: sex really isn't that enjoyable for a women any time, never mind when it's a load of inexperienced fumbling around! If you're nervous, that won't have helped either and maybe he didn't come for the same reasons? Maybe he felt it was very forced and nervous and just didn't feel comfortable enough? Who knows, it can be as nerve racking for boys as it is for girls, they've got their performance to worry about remember!

I think, with time, it will get better. We all think sex will be more than it is, it's really the feelings that make it good for a girl, I don't think there's really much enjoyable feeling unless your clit or gspot are touched correctly, and trust me, this is extremely rare!!!

If you're sure you're both ready for sex (sometimes, these things happen to show us we're not ready for the responsiblity and adult nature of what we choose to do and we don't realise we're not ready until something like this happens and we can't handle it) then it will take time to become comfortable with each other and with what you're doing and to learn what you like and what they like. Just be patient and it will improve. My advice is just do missionary (him on top) at first while you relax and get a feel for everything, save other positions until you're more comfortable. It's making love remember, don't forget that, not a positions marathon.

Good luck

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