A
female
age
41-50,
*utterfly2010
writes:I'm having trouble getting over my ex-boyfriend/babies father.My ex-friend broke up with me in Feb 09, when I was 3 months pregnant. before we get started let me say he is still in my life everyday because he watches are son while I work in the day, and he goes to work at night. Also he is a wonderful father, but let me back up a little on the story so you can fully understand and maybe be able to help me out. We dated for 3 years, but broke up 2 times for a few months but got back together. the first time we broke up we were only together for 3 months, I wasn't sure why we did, but after we got back together he told me why. Me and him started off as just a sex thing, nothing seriously but feelings were starting to develop. One day he had a hard time getting an erection, and you could tell it was making him feel embarrased, and also had me thinking was there something wrong with me? So he broke it off saying that he wasn't ready to get serious. We got back together and everything seem to be fine, but we did have are little arguments here and there, and yes I would break up with him a lot out of anger but would make up with him that same day or the next day, so I never really was serious when I would break up with him. Anyway a year into are relationship he started having troube getting an erection again. I was able to get some viagra for him, but it seem to put a strain on our relationship since the sex couldn;t be spontanous anymore we would have to plan to have sex. I was always afraid to touch on him, even just to be affectionate b/c i was afraid he would start to freak out and would be afraid he couldn;t perform. One day I started to cry and told him are you not sexually attracted to me? and he said it not me. I then said I bet if it was another women I bet you could perform. and hes answer was "you know I might, but once I get use to her then what?" the second real break up was August 09, I got mad and broke up with him again. Me thinking that I was going to call him up and get back together, this time he didn't take me back right away. Then 3 months later he wanted to try to work things out, we continue to struggle with him not being able to get an erection, he said he started to feel less of a man, and felt bad that he couldn't satify me. November 09 I found out I was pregnant, he seems so happy since he always wanted to be a father, and started to feel like maybe he couldn't have kids since we have had unprotected sex for a year and nothing happened. Anyway feb 09 he comes over and basically tells me he know longer feels the same feelings for me, and that he had been feeling this way for sometime now, but didn't tell me. I was devasted! I couldn't beleive for at least 7 months he has not been in love with me. I asked him why didn't you tell me, and he said " well I was trying to see if the feelings would come back" and that he didn't think he could get me pregnant. He wanted to still be there for me through my pregnancy, but it was just too hard for me. One of his his text to me I will never forget, it said " Once your feelings for me fade way you will see that the decision that I have made was the right one, and that it would have been harder for me in the long run with this issue that he has and that I would end up at a cross roads with him. he said he was looking at my sexy pics and that it blew his mind that he struggled sexually with me, and that he was sorry and that he felt like he let me down. The last time I had seen him I was 6 months, and I found out he had met someone else. I was so hurt. I spent the rest of my pregnancy alone, and I didn't see him until I gave birth to our son, and he has been there every since. Its so hard to move on when I see him everyday. I feel like I will never get over him b/c I just can't move on like a normal break up b/c he is always in my life. It also bothers me that the fact that he obviously can perform with this new chick, but not with me. so I still feel like there is something wrong with me. Come somebody out there please give me some advice. Did he break up with me b/c of his sexually issues, or that he had fallen out of love with me, or that b/c he fell out of love with me thats why he couldn't perform anymore? I'm confused!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): first of all, there are times when we really care about someone but the sexual attraction just isnt there for some reason. i cant explain it. that could be what happened with him. he loved you so much he tried to make it happen. but something just didnt click. that does NOT mean there is a flaw in you. that you dont have it. it just means that he may not be the one. i dont know. look at it like this (ok so i am a little bit weird) like a cell phone and a charger. a great cell phone. and a good quality charger that works well. but the charger is for a nokia and the cell phone is a motorola...see the problem? would you say that either is faulty? no. but they just dont work together no matter how much you want them to or need them to. it does complicate the issue that you have to see him every day. it does make it more difficult to move on...but i think that is what you need to try very hard to do. mal
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