A
female
age
22-25,
bumboleena
writes:i wrote something before i registered and dont know how to find it now? i typed in why cant i deal with other women in my boyfriends life?? any help Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Guitarboy  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Hmm, that's a tough one. Maybe he's just aware of how sensitive you are to any women that are in his life and her, being his boss and being female, he's just making a guess. Why don't you ask him if you can at least meet her? Maybe if you came to his office for lunch, she would be there and you could at least put a face and body with the name etc. But be on your best behavior. No scowling, or acting immature. That'll surely give her the upper hand in stealing him away. (If she's even interested). Keep in mind that it is usually against company policy for bosses to date their employees, but I know some peole do bend the rules. After you meet her, you may feel alot better. She may really just be a nice boss and it's nothing more than that. Keep an open mind, but I would insist on meeting her. Just tell your b/f to make it seem casual. She doesn't have to know you wanted to meet her. If after you've met her, you still have ill feelings about her intentions, all I can say is wait and see. He can't very quit his job, and more than likely nothing is going to happen while he's at work (back to the company policies on such things). Unless he's working overtime, or traveling with her out of town to meetings that didn't used to occur, I wouldn't worry too much.
A
female
reader, bumboleena +, writes (1 August 2007):
bumboleena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell,to be honest i havent even met her.all i know is that he says he really likes her and has never worked for a woman like her before. he talks bout her professionalism which i dont see. all i see is her trying to muscle in on him. she is in her 30's he is 25 so he might like the older more wiser and professional part to her. i picture her as a suited and really posh woman. but he has already said dat he knew she would cause a problem? why would he say that to me? is it cause he wants her to be a problem? or because he likes her and cant accept it in his head? and is in denial?
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A
male
reader, Guitarboy +, writes (31 July 2007):
So what does his boss look like? Is she pretty, is still much older, or just slightly older? How does she dress and when you've been there, how does she act around him. It could actually be nothing. It's hard to say without more information. I agree with the basis of what Irish49 has said in her post. It sounds like you may be overreacting, since he has already removed other female friends from the picture, per your request. But if you've already broken up with him, then I think it's a mute point.
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A
female
reader, bumboleena +, writes (31 July 2007):
bumboleena is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have elaborated on my situation what do you think of what i have said now 6 pm answer.
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A
female
reader, bumboleena +, writes (31 July 2007):
bumboleena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwould you consider his boss as a threat? she already has taken a real shine to him saying things like you really intrigue me, i like that way you work for me etc. also she is aware that i make his lunches and 1 day when thay were at work together she said her mother has got some lunch for my boyfriend. which suggests 2 me that she has had a conversation with her mother about my boy friend and maybe has some sort of feelings for him?? he says she is just a caring and friendly person. to me ot seems over friendly and over caring knowing i make his lunches etc. he didnt tell me for 3 days until he came home with an apple and he doesnt eat fruit and asked where it came from and he casually said his bosses mother got it for him along with a yogurt. i flipped out but yet he seems to not understand how i feel. he also said to me in an arguement i knew she(his boss) would cause problems between us? so if he knew why did he not tell me this before? is it cause he wants something to happen with her? and is gona let this happen? iv now ended it with him because i dont trust him and have had issues with girl mates in his life which he has cut off from all of them since. only because all these so called friends were younger girls that he was touchy feely with. i accept that he has no girl mates coz of me and how i feel bout him and contact with other girls. but feellike if this carried on i probly would have been the reason that he would cheat on me coz iv pushed him into it. do u no what i mean? id rather be by myself and b hurting than him hurting me. because he says its all in my head?
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A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (31 July 2007):
 Hi Bumboleena. I couldn't find your other qyuestion, either, So I will comment just on what you have stated in this posting. Take what you want from it. I will have to assume you are talking about old gf's, female buddies, etc. Jealousy is a a reaction to feeling threatened.
You're feeling jealous because you percieve your relationship is genuinely under threat. Does your bf puposely flirt with these females..does he try and delibrately hurt you? Is he comparing you to them and making you feel insignificant? Does he speak of them in a 'sexual' manner? If so, then he's vbeing very disrespectful to them and to you. Understand, your feelings are very human. It means your bf is being insensitive and is causing an huge insecurity within you. That is a form of emotional abuse in my books and you should re-evaluate this relationship.I would not tolerate it. If you decide to stick it out with this guy, set some very tough boundaries over this issue and stick to it.
On the other hand, if these females pose no real threat to you, and you bf is attentive and caring with you, then you're dealing with 'jealousy' in an irrational way. This means you have a problem inside you and you need to work on that. Do you know these females well? If not, my suggestion for you is this: Meet them and get to know these females. A girl needs female buddies she can socialize with, too. Female friends are incredibly supportive. I can bet they are likely nice people who would be quite surprised to hear they are a 'threat' to you. Try to think positively..like they are allies, not enemies to you. And your bf 'should' be making his friends, 'your 'friends. Insist on that and make sure you and he communicate openly about these friends and what each other does with them. Cross gender friendships are possible but it takes some rational thought, an open mind and respect for each other, when bringing these friendships into each other's live. Lines should not be crossed..definitely. One always considers the feelings of his partner. This is why set and agreed upon 'boundaries' are so important in a love relationship. Talk to your guy, tell him how you feel and the two of you..work together to making this an happy agreeable, situation for you both. Take care dear
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