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Why can't I cum from handjobs or blowjobs?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 May 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 12 December 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, *eelLikeANut writes:

I've never been able to cum from a handjob or a blowjob. I've heard other girls talk about their boyfriends and say that it usually takes only three minutes or so to finish their guy off. But my girlfriend can suck and suck and suck and I won't cum. It's really frustrating for both of us. When sex isn't convenient, she still wants to be able to get me off, and I'd like to be able to cum too! Two girlfriends I had before couldn't do it either. Help!

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A male reader, pgunnels United States +, writes (12 December 2009):

The answer is twofold. First, you masturbate too often. If you stop masturbating, you'll cum to even a substandard blowjob. Second, she's probably not very good at it or doesn't really like doing it. Which means that you start feeling guilty a few minutes into the blowjob, and then you're completely screwed.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

Hey! Sorry, cant help you with the sex psychologist bit! But if shes that conservative, maybe asking her to do somehting like "love it like a lollipop" mite help of somehting suggestive to get the suggestion across wothout being too graphic! Just a thought!

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A male reader, FeelLikeANut United States +, writes (27 May 2008):

FeelLikeANut is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the opinions everybody!

I'm relaxed when getting bjs and not really thinking "cum cum cum." We've gotten used to me not cuming from bjs, so it isn't even an expectation anymore.

Showing her how she can make it more interesting would certainly be a good idea, but unfortunately she leans a bit to the conservative side and won't consider watching porn. She doesn't even like any position except basic missionary... :-/

I was kinda hoping that someone here may have heard from a sex psychologist (or whatever) before, and that maybe there would be some kind of behavior shaping I could do to train my body to cum more easily.

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A male reader, Mike90degrees United Kingdom +, writes (27 May 2008):

Hey!

Maybe blowjobs and handjobs are not for you. I mean don't give up, but everyone likes different things. Don't listen to what the other girls when they are saying about them taking 3mins to finish off their boyfriends.

Last time I had a handjob, I didn't cum either. I think in my case she was moving her hand too slow and I didn't want to tell her to speed up so in the end, my winkie got bored and went limp.

I have trouble masturbating myself if I move my hand too slow. So maybe it depends on how fast she is sucking or moving her hands. Nerves could also be it!

Don't worry too much just follow what you want to do and don't feel like you have to take blowjobs just because others have. Good luck. You can do it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008):

Honey, you're never going to cum if you're lying there thinking "Cum... cum... cum... Man why aren't I cuming? Come on... She's been doing this ages... Cum... Cum..." then you're never going to get anywhere! Relax and think sexy thoughts, fantasize and just let yourself go. Imagine all the things that turn you on, and stop worrying about cuming! But remember honey, some guys just don't really cum from oral or handjobs. It's not a problem, just a preference :]

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A female reader, Jeanine1234 United Kingdom +, writes (22 May 2008):

Jeanine1234 agony auntMaybe you should try something different?

Find something new that will turn you on

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008):

Well it sounds like it isn't your girlfriend.

Have you been able to cum on your own? If yes, then, while getting head, are you nervous? If yes, then why? Only you can answer this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008):

Well, the first thing I notice is that you say "suck and suck and suck..." if thats all shes doing then your poor cock will jsut get bored, shes gotta vary it up and make it way more interesting, stroke your thighs, wank your shaft while playing with your head in her mouth, rubbing her tongue and finding all the most sensitive parts....

My bf really wanst into bjs before I gave him one.. hed never cum by one before either!

But ita all about keeping it different and interesting and thrilling! Flavored lube or freshly brushed teeth that are minty fresh can add to the tingle... :-D

Maybe you could show your gf some things youd like, maybe on porn... I know this sounds weird but i have loads of guy friends and well, they watch porn and eat pizza and drink beer... as you do! and thats where i leaned to give head! :-D hope this helps.. sorry its explicit!

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