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Why cant he just be happy with kissing me?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 1 May 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I seem to have a bit of a problem with a guy, everytime we get together and kiss he always asks me to give him a blow job, the thing is we have just started kissing, it's really starting to annoy me because I like him a lot and I have said to him stop asking but he says that he gets that excited and turned on and he cant help himself, I have never known a guy not just to be happy with french kissing. I find it hard that he cant just kiss, he has to be releaved as well.

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A male reader, bruce lee Nigeria +, writes (1 May 2010):

bruce lee agony aunt Er...You only have 4 options here. Either you do what he asks all the time, or dump him, tell him that you won't to that, or reach some sort of compromise.

It's an awkward situation. I don't want to tell you what to do but I have been with prostitutes before. And if they do NOT offer a blowjob, I don't dare ask them. It's a privelege, not a right.

I can understand how your boyfriend feels because all guy like oral but the fact is if he loves you, he will accept that it's your body, and you have to feel safe and comfortable at ALL times in this relationship.

I hope this helps.

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A female reader, goowes United States +, writes (30 April 2010):

goowes agony aunt hes a little greedy and good about being open about wants and needs. Give what you want to.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (30 April 2010):

Frank B Kermit agony auntMaybe you should not be dating him since the two of you are at different comfort zones sexually.

Are you really 22-25?

-Frank

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010):

ignore this.. dump him... he just wants u for sexual pleasure...

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A female reader, BunnyTee United States +, writes (30 April 2010):

BunnyTee agony auntOh wow, and here I thought I was the only one. Listen, Tootsie, I made the mistake of marrying one of these guys, but I came to my senses and got rid of him. It's some weird obsession, the blowjob thing. It just never goes away. I can't imagine anything feels THAT good! If you've "never known a guy" who doesn't just settle for swapping spit, then you're in for a surprise. This is one of those "Man" things. Us girls don't function like this. One little thing doesn't always have to reach the same conclusion, like men seem to believe. Don't fall prey to the prehistoric guilt line that you made him this excited, aroused, or whatever that you're now obligated to finish what you started--I think this was the rule of the day back in my mother's time. Back then, I think they went around all paranoid that the slightest little thing would provoke this uncontrollable lust that women everywhere were obligated to immediately satiate. As if men are somehow unable to conduct themselves as respectable, dignified human beings.. Firmly tell this guy what your comfortable with and where you're unwilling to go, if he can't respect that then you've found a deal breaker. Whatever you do, don't tease the guy. That's not right on any level. Just be straight up honest and don't be made to feel obligated to do something you're not willing to do.

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A female reader, raiders United States +, writes (30 April 2010):

raiders agony auntDon't do, if you give him a blow job every time he asks you too what makes you think he will stop. If he kisses you and he ask you to give him a BJ just don't do it. Eventually he is going to stop asking. Make a switch and you ask him to go down on you every time you guys french.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (30 April 2010):

YouWish agony auntI understand you being annoyed. The guy views kissing as a cumbersome means to an end, and you want him to see kissing AS a pleasure in itself. Your guy is way too impatient. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, and guys *can* help themselves.

Trust me, there are guys out there who can give slow, sensual kisses without hurrying straight up to the oral stuff. Don't feel pressured, and especially don't feel like giving oral or sex is something you have to do to keep his interest. You don't want that kind of interest. You want someone interested in you as a person, and not in what you do for them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010):

It's a guy. What do you expect?

Men are very sexual creatures. Most of them anyway. Once in a while you find a guy who loves to just snuggle and it's fine. And for your lucky self, he's not gay. However, that comes at a price. He won't always want to be 'on you.' That may be great at first but frustrating if your libido is higher than his.

Most men though are not like this and if you turn him on, he'll want to be on you 24/7. Consider yourself lucky he likes you that much. He could very well go elsewhere for it.

Still, if he cares/loves you, he'll back off. You can say, hun, I don't feel like doing that right now, can't we just make out for a moment? Or say "let me drive for a bit, OK?"

Or be truthful. "If you keep pressuring me to always get you off, I will resent you for it. I don't want to do that. I want to just be close to you."

You could reward him by saying, I just want to kiss you. And then do the bj anyway but without him asking for it.

BUT if he keeps pressuring you to do it, then you need a different guy. No one should be pressured or forced to do something they don't want to, that's not love.

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