A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a divorced man with two children of 12 and 13 he has shared custody with them and it's amicable and settled. I haven't met the children yet as we have only been dating two months but plan to in time and he wants me to. He also works away once or twice a week. I see him once in the week and every other week end and we live an hours drive away. I'm getting frustrated as my child has grown up and moved out and I am a free agent. He is a lovely man but I feel he's juggling so much there is no time for me. It feels disjointed and I am feeling lonely already. How do people deal with these time restrictions.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 Once a week does not seem to be by choice it just seems he is a busy man. Now you need to decide if this is enough for you?
You say you are lonely already but you don't need to be, you are child free so enjoy yourself make the most of life. Get out there make new friends, join new groups, do new activities. Make yourself active. At least when that once a week comes around you have stories to share with him and exciting adventures. You make your own life, and it does not always need to be about being with a man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): May I add, its not worth giving all your attention to one person, friend, family or partner. All of them will not be able to sustain the attention that you need. It is SO MUCH better to enjoy YOUR OWN TIME, to learn more about yourself, to try something different because you have the FREEDOM, to laugh at yourself and find God, to think about what YOU can do to make a difference in someone else's life because they're in a much worse situation than yours. Any guy will not want a girl who relies on them for happiness because they feel drained afterwards. Like what the others said, define what YOU NEED and then use that to filter people you let in your life. BUT be realistic. I think you just need to start getting used to doing things alone. It'll be fine. Don't get too attached to people emotionally because if you get disappointed, you'll only feel worse about yourself. Believe that YOU ARE an amazing person, he seems to see that in you, give him a chance or maybe not. Let things flow, dont force things to happen. Meantime, don't waste your time on another person's ability to be with you, use it to learn more about yourself bec. Like I or not, you're not the same person you were 10yrs ago. Believe me, once you can do this, whoever is in your life will love you and appreciate growing with you. And you will only be grateful for having him in your life for what he is able to provide because it is enough.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 September 2016):
 I guess it depends from how much you like the guy ,and how much you can see yourself with him in the future . Enough to compromise and to tweak a bit your needs ?
Very often I have heard men complaining that women always want " a relationship " and never just want a specific guy.
I must say that , secretly :) I found this complaint a bit legitimate. For instance in case like yours. You want a relationship with certain characteristics ( you can see the man every day, he does not work out of town, he is local ) and you are sort of fitting this guy in your frame, and are frustrated because you can'T.
Not that this is wrong per se , after all it is a good thing to have well clear what works for us and what does not, but then again , IF the guy is a keeper, and if the feelings are mutual, it's more practical if you try and adjust yourself around his lifestyle, which he cannot change at least for some things ( teen kids )- or else if you can ditch the frustration and feel grateful that you've got a good one, even if you don't see him as often as you want.
Maybe it's a bit early to decide if he is worth adjusting your demands, or if what he can offer is onstead just too little.
Personally, I must say that your situation does not sounds so dramatic to me. He is not making excuses to avoid you, he has actual work and family committments - and seeing you once a week, and every other weekend , for a guy who works full time and lives an hour away, is not terribly little. My guess is that you do not have enough friendships or hobbies or interests to keep you fulfilled and occupied, otherwise maybe you'd even welcome a boyfriend who leaves you a decent amount of me-time:).
Anyway,obviously everybody is different, and maybe you DO need your boyfriend to be present , more than other qualities he may have.
You will have to have a good think about it , and while you weigh the pros and cons - try to not get too attached emotionally. It's early days yet. Time to observe , and see how the land lies,- without getting too attached to a specific outcome.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 September 2016):
 I think YOU have to decide if once a week is enough for you. He does seem to have a busy schedule and I'm sure YOU can remember what it was like when your kids were "tweens". There are school engagements, sports, friends and then he also juggles a job that takes him away 1-2 times a week. So reading that it doesn't seem like he ONLY wants to see you once a week, but he ONLY has time really to spend with you once a week.
It's only been 2 months, so if you feel it's NOT enough, maybe you shouldn't take this relationship any further because realistically it's not going to all of a sudden have 10 days in a week, just for you. Know what I'm saying here?
Also, you are a GROWN woman, who should have a LIFe on you own and not depend on your partner for entertainment.
If you feel he IS a good match, regardless of the time you can spend together, then it's time for you to find things that YOU enjoy. Whether it be taking an evening class in pottery, photography, cooking, arts & craft or join a hiking group in your area. Do think that makes YOU happy. Don't RELY on this guy to be your once source of happiness and entertainment.
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