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Why can't he ejaculate from oral sex?

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Question - (23 March 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 14 July 2014)
A age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My bf says I'm great at giving oral, and he responds really well, so why can't he ejaculate?

We were each others firsts, so its not like his ex's 'trained' him into different techniques.

I usually give him oral for about 10minutes, but just can't see why he isnt ejaculating..

He's told me he thinks its hot, the thought of him cumming in my mouth. And I've got no problem with it!

Why can't he ejaculate?

View related questions: ejaculate, his ex, oral sex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014):

The misses and I have this exact problem. Its something I've been trying to research lately.. and I'm finding a lot of the same info.

I really enjoy when she gives me oral. I love watching her. I love the way it feels. We talk to each other (added excitement). But even with all that, she can't get me to reach an Erasmus through oral. I tend to masturbate and she finishes me off orally at the very end.

Which brings me to what I've read online...

Apparently, it's because I am used to a certain amount of stimulation. I'm used to a certain amount of friction, contact, sensation, etc. and the mouth alone cannot duplicate this feeling.

It's frustrating as the male, because we WANT to ejaculate, but it's more frustrating to a woman who feels like she's doing something wrong/not good enough/doesn't excite the man.

Just communicate and experiment. That's the only advice I can give as a man who is experiencing this exact situation.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010):

For one, he might need a bit longer than 10 mins. Most guys are different when it comes to sex. Second, maybe it doesnt work for him. I know that when my gf gave me oral, I had problems ejaculating as well. So even though it felt good, it probably wasnt "doing it" for him. Lastly, I would have to agree that it probably has to do with what he is thinking or feeling during oral sex.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (24 March 2008):

Laura1318 agony aunt

Do not worry.Sometimes orals alone do not work.

If he cannot ejaculate, let him show you how he masturbates

himself and when it is cumming ,he will let you know and you will take over.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

He may be holding it back because he's afraid to, well, gross you out. I'll be's not going to taste like lollypops in the afternoon. :p

Ten minutes may seem like hours down there, and you will probably get really tired. Try for 15 or 20 minutes next time. Use your hand on his bag, jack him off, moan a little, and just generally experiment. Practice makes perfect.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2008):

natasia agony auntGive him time ... he may not realise it, but perhaps somewhere he's got a hang-up about. You say you usually do it for about 10 minutes - are you counting? Do you enjoy it? You know, it's as much about you being into it and just going with it - you maybe need to make him feel there's all the time in the world, and he's not pressurised to come. You know, I certainly can't have an orgasm if I have even the tiniest sense that someone's waiting for me to 'hurry up', and maybe although you don't realise it, there's some sense of that being communicated to him - that's it's nice, that he should be having an orgasm, that's it's not right that he isn't ... and that for sure will stop him having one. I think.

I suggest taking it real slow. And what about the position you're in? Is he, eg, lying on his back? If so, get him to turn sideways (so you're on your side too), and get him to dictate the movements - basically, as if he's having sex with you, but only in your mouth. That way he's controlling it and effectively managing his own orgasm. Also you can lie on your back and have him kneeling over your face - again, he will be controlling it, and I'm sure he knows how to get to orgasm himself. Yep. I think that's the best advice. Give him the 10 mins and then get into one of those positions and see how it goes ... good luck!!

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A male reader, ShouldKnowBetter United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2008):

How long does he last for non-oral sex?

The other option is to actually get him close to climax with your hand first and then finish him off with your mouth... many arent that much of a fan of giving extended oral sex and so if you want it to be the end of the session rather than start of the main event get them close with other methods to avoid lock jaw.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

Sweetie, ten minutes is not that long. It may feel like it to you, but ten minutes is too short a time to expect him to ejaculate.

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A female reader, kittikat United States +, writes (23 March 2008):

kittikat agony auntIt sounds like you two are putting too much thought and effort into the whole thing and and that could be the problem. If he's laying there thinking about how bad he wants to come and you're down there counting down the minutes and thinking that you're not doing it right, I can see how it'd be a tense situation.

From what I've known, that is a sure fire way to not have an orgasm. Experiment a little, he may not know what really feels good since you two are new to the whole thing. Of course he thinks it's great because he has nothing else to compare it to and I think at his age a girl doing ANYTHING to his dick is probably the best thing in the world. LazyGuy has a good tip- that's usually a good basic method, but remember that every guy is different.

You could also have him masturbate and show you what he does to come and jump in there to help. When I was a young, perverted kid I tried to learn how to give head by watching porn and looking at dirty mags. It can give you some ideas if you're really not sure what to do- but you can't emulate a porn star and have it work, you have to be creative and do what comes naturally.

I found that what worked best with lots of guys (yes, I was a turboslut back in the day and I don't regret a minute of it) was to just feel the moment and kind of lose myself- even now I don't think about it, I just do what feels good to both of us. Kind of like sex by instinct and it changes every time.

What your bf loves may make another guy jump through the ceiling, it's all trial and error that comes with experience. Just feel the moment, seriously, try it. I have to throw a responsible word in here so remember safe, monogomous sex is sooo important- even oral sex can give you STD's! Look it up at

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

As said, he maybe holding back. Have you asked him why he doesn't cum?

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (23 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntHe may have trained himself.

When masturbating many men are too rough, making them insensitive to your softer touches.

Try including a basic handjob with the blowjob, jack him off while using your mouth.

I would recommend using a condom unless you are really sure you are both clean.

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