A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 and a half months and things are going great. For the first time in a long time, I havnt been so happy. And my whole family can see that and have all told me that they are happy I found a decent guy. However, lately my little sister who over hears my parents conversations, theyll take the mick and say "gosh he'd do ANYTHING to make her happy", or that I spend too much time with him. When we probably see each other 3-4 times a week. I work part time and he works full time and yet we will always try and make an effort to see eachother and go out. Problem is, my parents would be the type to one minute say "you see too much of him." But if he never did take me out or see me, it would be "he never sees you or takes you out does he". I feel like I can't win! I know we havnt been together long, but we are happy and I can't understand why my parents can't just be happy for me. Me and my boyfriend are in our late 20s and we're both looking for someone to eventually settle with, and when you still live at home, it can be quite difficult sometimes. Especially when your at an age where you want to just move on and leave the nest. What can I do, when all they seem to do is always try and find the negatives in my relationship? When they use to always say how happy they were for us?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 November 2016):
 That is families for you, unfortunately for you your still living under there roof so they are still going to talk about you and feel responsible for you. Believe me all families are judgmental, in fact all people are judgmental. You are at an age now where I would say move out off the family home and you will have your own independence and your own life. You will be much happier and all the problems will be solved. Also learn to laugh off there little comments and don't take them to heart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies. Youve been very helpful. My little sister was the one who told me. Shes always been open and honest with me, while my parents will say stuff behind my back when im not around. So she comes and tells me the gossip basically. They have also done this behind her back when she was dating. Difference is, her boyfriends did treat her badly. But me and my boyfriend have never argued, yet they still try and point out a negative somewhere. Sure we maybe all soppy and in love, but my mum has been praying for this day, because she knows how bad my past relationships were. Yet she'll say to my brother, sister and Dad "shame he can't be a little taller", "shame he has odd knees". My Dad however, is not a romantic man at all, so to him my boyfriend's actions when he buys me gifts or takes me out may seem "yucky" to him. My brother has never had a girlfriend, so when I say my boyfriend is coming over, he'll be all sarcastic and say "no surpise there", but then he wouldn't understand because he's never been in a relationship. The point of the matter is, my family are judgmental and when you live with them, even when you don't hear half the gossip, and my boyfriend is over to see me, my parents will sometimes make it obvious they don't want him there. But I dont drive, so for me to get to his house costs double more than he pays for petrol to see me. Even the we hardly stay in the house, we either go out or I go to his too.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (7 November 2016):
 Can you please make it clear for me, are you hearing these things from your parents directly, or is your little sister "overhearing" and then repeating what she hears to you?
My answer would be different if it were one or the other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): I would be doing whatever it takes financially to be more independent .You're living under a microscope where your every move is scrutinised. I don't think your parents can be that busy or fulfilled in their own lives if they spend so much time analysing their grown up children. Maybe now you've found happiness you should move out of your parents house.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): I agree ignore it as they sound like my in-laws. They're always very negative about everything. My family on the other hand are always positive so I do find it weird and irritating.
It also sounds like they might be a bit jealous. Us oldies are way past the excitement of young love and can feel a bit wistful and think "Yuk" when we see people all loved up.
If you're happy that's all that matters. Once you've been together a while they'll probably tone it down.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2016):
 Grow a thicker skin ! And become a bit less emotionally dependent from your family's approval, and more tolerant too. As long as YOU are happy- they don't HAVE to be as deliriously happy as you are about your relationship or your boyfriend.
Your parents ( and your friends, and people at large ) have the right to have their own personal opinions, and , as long as they do not try to actively sabotage your relationship ( they don't , it seems )- enjoy your happiness and just agree to disagree . You see your relationship as perfect- and they see it as not exactly perfect . So ? That's life itself that work like this ! You make your choices, and some times other people will not be as completely enamoured of your choices. Hardly surprising !, and not a reason anyway to lose your sleep or appetite over it.
Plus- you don't want to hear that, but- they MIGHT have a point. Sure there are mean evul envious parents too- but the average parents voice their concerns, that to the child sound totally unwarranted, because they know the child well, are aware of his / her M.O. and have seen in him/ her in action already. Frankly, I doubt that your parents say these things just out of spite and just to rain on your parade. Maybe they have seen you getting too attached too quickly,- getting too invested in a relationship while letting all the rest slide - loving in a fusional , codependent way...- and taking an emotional beating. Give them the benefit of doubt and allow them the credit to think that maybe they are not just nagging or hypercritical, they are uneasy or worried. About you becoming too obsessed with this guy, maybe, or ending with being let down by him, or putting all priorities ( .. work , education, family , friends ...) behind your relationship etc. etc. What do you say ? that you are not doing any of that, nor you mean to do it ? well, parents worry anyway. It comes with being parents . Maybe they worry too much; but that does not mean that they WANT you unhappy or hate seing you happy !
Then, there's the happy medium thing. OF COURSE if your bf never took you out, your parents would say " he never takes you out ! "- it would be true.
Now, this guy takes you out 3 or 4 times a week, and , that's a matter of opinions, you don't think it's too much, I don't think it's too much- but maybe in your parents' view it is too much. Maybe for them , the ideal relationship is when two people meet up twice a week.Who knows.
Now , that's their opinion and you do not have to follow it - you've just got to do you and if you are happy with 4 times a week, 4 times it is. BUT, you can't force them to cheer for you and clap their hands for choices they do not approve or understand.
Again- agree to disagree . Enjoy your happiness - and LET your parents be of a different opinion without resenting them.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 November 2016):
 Don't listen to them. As long as you take things slowly and be responsible about it, there's no issue. You may be right for each other, you may not, but taking it slow and seeing each other is important - I think they're just being nosy.
You may want to go out less and save up more for moving out, though, if you're only working part time.
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