A
female
age
36-40,
*marieky
writes:I was at work today and two male coworkers came in to install new lights. I was alone. I'm a lesbian and i haven't disclosed that to anyone at my job. And I look very feminine. These guys also think I have a boyfriend, I guess bc an attractive smart woman can't be single. Anyways while installing the lights the men began to talk about making females happy. He also mentioned he saw a "straight" looking woman he was trying to talk with kissing this woman saying this is my man. My male coworker then say he hates faggots female/male. He just kept emphasizing how much he detest them. He says its a sin and a shame. The both of them talked horribly about homosexuals. I felt so hurt and ill I could barely remain in the room with them. What hurts the most is these men flirt with me and lust at my body hugging me just to feel my softness and they don't call that sinning. If you know I'm in a relationship but still trying to date me and get close to my body....is that not sin? I don't get why homosexuals are judged so harshly by others, many of whom are not in the position to judge.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 October 2011):
 As far as shutting off their comments, which is also important, just say, as part of establishing the boundaries: "I'm sorry, I don't like to engage in bashing people for their race, sex, creed or sexual orientation. Please do not make comments of that type in my presence." Again, you may need to get HR to help.
The point is that you have to speak up for yourself and don't be shy about doing it. This is how creepy people try to control people around them; through subtle or not-so-subtle intimidation like this. They are grown-up bullies, in your workplace. You do not need to tolerate this in any way. Your employer has a responsibility to you to create a safe and tolerant workplace for you; let them do it if you can't establish your own boundaries.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 October 2011):
I think you need to establish some clear boundaries with these guys. You may need to get Human Resources involved to help with this.
First of all, they should not be hugging or caressing you at all if it has a sexual context, which it sounds it does. End that NOW. "I'm OFF limits for that, please do not touch me in that way. It makes me feel uncomfortable and it really bothers me." You may have to say that more than once. Add "And I will ask HR to explain why to you if you persist."
This is not hurting their feelings or making them feel bad. This is establishing clear boundaries and protecting yourself. You are entitled to do that.
As for why people say stupid hateful things? Because people are ignorant, insensitive and sometimes simply nasty. Don't worry what a couple of insensitive creeps say about gay people; they are NOT the be-all and end-all of opinion-setting, they are NOT the moral arbiters of our generation. They're a couple of small-minded opportunistic gropers. Below pond scum.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 The uneducated are scared of that which they do not know.
Do not let them hug you, but tell them to back off and that they are sinful themselves.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 The reason some people are critical of homosexuals is because it is not what many people would consider to be "proper" or "moral". They most likely have no personal reason to behave that way but they think it is "the thing to say". It's the same reason people say racist statements....ignorance.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 October 2011):
 Do NOT let them touch you. that can be sexual harrassment at work. they are invading your space. UNLESS you want them to hug you.. I had to have my supervisor talk to one man who constantly touched me when I was fat... he liked the squishyness of my rolls...
I'm going to apologize for the idiots in this world who can't grasp that whole "live and let live" concept.
WHO I love, who YOU love, has no bearing on WHO we are as people... or what we can accomplish. NO ONE should judge another....
My brother is gay. My aunt is a lesbian. BOTH of them are in marriages that have lasted longer than any hetro marriage I've ever managed to have.... I HATE that this world has to define folks by who they love...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): I don't think it is a matter of some people being very judgemental to homosexuals but a matter of that person's character instead. People like that as you can tell are judgemental and filled to the bone with hypocrisy because they deem what is supposed to be right and wrong in their world. There are people like that and you just have to understand that they exist just like you do. You need simply ignore these people and live your own life to the fullest. I understand that it is hard to not take it personally, but its important to remember to pick your fights with those that matter.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (5 October 2011):
cmarieky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI actually try to avoid these two male coworkers bc it makes me uncomfortable when they hug me. The first time they hug me I thought nothing of it. But then after that if they would see me alone or see me going somewhere they would follow me to try to hug me. So I literally go out of my way at work to avoid them. If I can avoid them and they respect that then I see no reason to take matters further such as reporting them. One if them did however tried to trade me lunch for a hug, my thoughts were "what the fuck" and I never hugged him. But hugging me is not the topic. I can handle avoiding people who approach or politely tell them no. What I can understand is why people are so critical towards homosexual.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (5 October 2011):
I'm not sure they're hugging you to feel your softness or lusting your body. Why do you hug them or allow yourself to be hugged by them. As far as being homophobic, those people are all over. I'm not sure they're homophobic, fearing homosexuals, but actually don't like the act. It sounds like the might be hypocryts, many people are. Many people claim certain actions are sins and base their opinions on that while they sin in other areas. Many people simply feelthe need to slander gays as they think it's the thing to do. Ignore these people.
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