A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 21 year old girl in college, and I love being single and independent. I was in love with a guy who dumped me after a couple months for not putting out (I'm a virgin) and I don't want to have a boyfriend for a while. I've made out with this hot guy three times this summer, but only when I wanted to, never when he booty called me...and I never let him go any further. The last time we made out, he had the audacity to tell me I should lose my virginity to him and to call him when I was ready for sex. For the record, he's dreaming and he can dream on...I just don't understand why a guy could be such a cocky player that he thinks I would go for that! I'd have to slap myself if I even considered it.Questions:Why are guys so stupid, why do they want to be players? why doesn't this guy at least PRETEND like he likes me and take me on a date or something if he really wants in my pants? It doesn't matter, cause I wouldn't fall for it, but it's almost insulting that he would talk to me like this.
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booty call, player, ready for sex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): He reminds me of the guys in high school at the back of the bus who used to talk about how they could have any girl at the school. Sometimes I felt like saying, "No you couldn't, cos I know you couldn't have me!" something like that, Idk. Some guy in college wanted me to do it with him as well. He wanted to be my first. Well, even after I got married and all that he was still trying to talk sexual to me. I told him whatever, later, and stopped talking to him. Just be careful. Not all guys ask, if you know what I mean.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): This question could just as easily be flipped around.There are lots of non-player guys out there. So why are you repeatedly choosing players?By the way, a guy wanting sex really isn't a "player," he is just in the majority of guys out there. A player is more of a cheater/manipulator about it. You not giving up the goods is very admirable at your age. I totally support and respect you for that. But you have to realize that it will increasingly put you into a minority of girls out there for guys to choose. You can blame guys for just wanting cheap sex, but it's no more crazy or stupid than the things most women want in their men. It's just nature at work. Maybe you won't fall for these games, but tons of girls will. Girls complain about it but almost always after they've already slept with the guy a few times. Most girls are constantly rewarding the behavior that they claim not to want.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (29 July 2009):
 I really like all these answers, I was going to include the bit about the cow and free milk but lost my thread somewhere in there.
M Baachman, Well said.
Q1605, I always enjoy your answers.
FA
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (29 July 2009):
Hi!
I liked the title to this post and thought I had an answer for you. Now after reading twice I'm not sure.
So your questions:
Why are guys stupid?
Why do they want to be players?
Why doesn't he pretend to like me and take me out?
Guys aren't really any more stupid than gals are. The statistics will bear me out on this. They do think differently than women do. Guys are incapable of thinking of more than one thing at one time. As a result of this guys don't see the emotional connection of all things that women do. As a guy I have frustrations seeing things from a womans perspective. As a woman you have trouble Seeing things from a guys perspective.
This question does however indicate that you have some contempt for all men. Love can not blossom in the presence of contempt. Since you are not looking for love it is not an immediate problem but something to think about. Remember Guys are different from you, thats why you are attracted to them.
second question: Guys want to be players because they are socially trained to. All our lives we play games and keep score. Who can run faster or throw further or hit harder. If we don't compete then we will not be accepted by other guys. Even some women won't accept a noncompetitive guy. But, that is not all, there is also the biological imperative. Guys produce thousands of sperm cells every day. Our best bet to pass on our genes is to share them with a different woman every day. Now that sounds barbaric, and it is. Most civilized men can limit themselves. One other thing, girls reward bad behavior. They see players as dangerous, and therefor exciting, and for no other reason give them more attention, and inevitably more sexual opportunities.
Why doesn't he take you out. You might not like the answer to this question. He didn't ask you out for one of two reasons. First, he is a member of the new class of useless young men who are trying to get all their needs filled and put out as little as possible. They tend to mooch meals, hang out at your place, and never pay for anything. Thy are getting by on their rugged good looks. Second you failed to communicate what you wanted. You told him in words that you didn't want a boyfriend. You told him by your actions (making out 3 times) that you wanted to play. He interpreted those messages to mean that you didn't want dates, just sex. While I applaud your control in keeping the relationship on your terms. I get the feeling that you were "using" him for no other reason than that he was "hot". I know that is harsh but you need to look at it from the outside. Back in the 80's we called what you wanted NICMO Non committal make out, now they call it friends with benefits and it includes a bigger menu. Don't get me wrong I don't believe in sex outside of a committed relationship. I just think he was hoping to get more benefits.
In the end, I think you should stick to your rules. If you want to keep your virginity, great and it is yours to keep. If you want to have casual friends that you can make out with make sure you let them know the very specific rules. Before the first kiss. If you think your friends should take you out tell them, even offer to share expenses if you want. And if you have a bum hanging around your house and not paying evict him.
FA
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male
reader, MBaachman +, writes (29 July 2009):
Most guys are not worth a damn until they turn 30.
Cant answer your question, but rest assured there are/will be men who will be worth your while and appreciate a real lady who is strong enough to say "no" when the time is wrong and strong enough to say "yes" when the time is right.
You give me hope!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): I dont know. Sometimes we are not very mature. Kudos to you for doing what you want and not bowing to pressure. There are plenty of great men out there who love you and respect you for it some day. They just might not be hanging out on camous right now :)
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