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female
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anonymous
writes:Why are all men selfish, disrespectful, ignorant bastards??! Theyre so nice when they want sumthing then they discard you like a piece of rubbish. They can be the best boyfriend ever but wont think twice about dumping you for another woman and flaunting her in front of your face. Why do us women get emotionally attached while men just cut all ties, see ya later and you dont hear from them ever again? How can men just forget all the good times, as well as the bad, they have with a girl and move onto the next without a seconds thought and then when you see them in the street they just walk on by like a complete stranger? Do they not have a conscience? I know some of you will tell me that there are good men out there, and I know there are, but they are very few and far between. Im 25 and still looking for Mr Right, Ive had my heartbroken so many times. Why are all men nasty?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): Hi All,
I stumbled across this chat while in search of answers, answers to why I have done some of the things I have done and why I have/am changing as a person and most importantly why my morals have shifted over the years and is it normal??????
Let me explain, I have a great family with parents who separated in kind of a good way when I was 21 so no trauma there, they did a great job of bringing us up and instilled good morels into each of us.
Most of my life I have had long term relationships and been treated not so good quite a few times but I had not shifted, I stayed strong and vowed never to cheat or be dishonest, (thanks' mum and dad :-) As the years went on I took a few more hits and break ups and once kissed another girl, since it didn't mean much though I didn't let it bother me, I carried on in life lets say being left for probably being to soft with girls and several years later I almost kissed another girl while towards the end of a long term commitment. A few years later I got totally crushed! Since then I refuse commitment but still need things in life ;-) the tables had effectively turned and two days ago I broke someone's heart (for the first time) who I care dearly for, not by cheating but by ending it before the commitment came and I may loose her friendship forever, this woke me up so I began trying to understand why we do this to ourselves and each other. I always call it lions and tigers, comparing our selves to animals, after all that's what we are, another animal species!
I found this very interesting if rather long answer to my question;
http://women.webmd.com/guide/why-we-cheat
In short if women and men treated each other better most of us wouldn't end up so twisted and on the other side there is my favourite all time quote from the film Alfie;
"Just remember each time you see a great looking girl walking down the street, some where there is a guy who is sick to death of shagging her"
And that works both ways! (sorry for rambling).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): I think you are speaking through what you have experienced!
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reader, vicious  +, writes (15 April 2009):
Most men are everything you said, in short, PIGS.
All the so called good ones are taken and repressed.
What everyone here doesn't understand is, we are attracted to attractive men or men just as attractive as we are. So as superficial as it may be, it does make sense. Attraction has to be there. We want to find someone compatibly attractive but the retarded thing is it seems like all attractive men are pigs! Even if they have some looks to them, if they are able to attract women, they will try to get away with whatever they can, collect as many women etc. scumbag players...then there are gay guys (sensitive)guys... what good are they to women when they have chosen to be with men.
So what's left, unattractive men. Should we settle for a man with a good heart who we are not the least bit attracted to, we would be living a lie if we ever married one, our eyes would wander and we wouldn't be in love.
If we married an attractive one, he would probably cheat on us. So, damned if you do or don't. Better to stay single?
We would be sexually frustrated or miss the intimacy of cuddling. So what is a woman to do...I know I wouldn't give men the satisfaction of turning this world to PORN hell.
Women are not wired that way, although there are a lot of women out there who have turned themselves into slut bimbos
...I guess they thought can't beat em join them or whatever, they are abused and no moral values etc.
Oh well this world is just a mess and women really got the short end.
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reader, jenko87 +, writes (8 February 2009):
Well..I think you are being a bit harsh on all men..but I can see where your coming from.The problem is..women are just as bad..men want all the same things women do,but women mess men around alot more..there are plenty of nice blokes around and men are nice to women alot of the time to be friendly and hopefully develop a relationship..BUT..we spend all our time being nice to a girl and hoping something will happen and it never ever does..so we try again with another girl then another and nothing happens..by this time we have lost alot of respect for women over this..I think if a man does get into a meaningful relationship with someone..he will remember the good times and the bad..the reason for ignoring you or being weird is this..1.they ignore you because the felt so much for you..but it did'nt work out and don't wanna open that can of worms!!Or2.they never felt much for you and did'nt see things going anywhere..so your better off without.Or 3.They are shy.I think you have just been unlucky.
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reader, beginagain08  +, writes (22 January 2009):
Dear, I have never visited one of these sites not to metion reply to a question, however, seeing situation I am currently dealing with as a 34 year old mother of 2 (5&7) I feel compelled to give you what I believe it the answer, which, prior to yesterday, I would not have answered in the same way.
The real condensed story goes like this.... I married at the time I was 26, and we had our son, who was three months at the time. So at your age I was looking for the right man, just like yourself, and I had found him. We both enjoyed much of the same stuff, had the same sense of humor and I would have called him my best friend for the first several years, not even seeing the disrespct/selfish actions gradually increasing. I had the successfu; career and he worked, but rarely over time and took off any unpaid leaves offered, but I did not mind, he had the health insurance and covered this child support for his daughter. We had a beautiful home on 18 acres, horses, dogs, cats, two beautiful chilren and money in the bank. My credit was impecible and we were "everyones dream" however the job was consuming my time and I told him I was going to find another job, we did not need to make that much to be very comfortable, he agreed and also agreed to stop taking so much time off.
I typed this to you from my two bedroom townhouse apartment, house foreclosed and car repo'd - eventually leading to my losing my job due to him using my expense account card to gamble on line and they let me go. It has been rocky but suddenly he was able to find a really good paying job in the next state, left, I am filing divorce if I can ever find the money and he has not "been able to find money to send us yet" but we was able to take the dog to the vet today for a pysical and vaccinations.
I serious soul searching yesterday I started realizing that even when things "we good" they were not. I was continually given a complex about the time I spent at work and got so tired of trying to justify why I should be able to go out and do things sometimes too, when a sitter couid not be found I eventually just quit. Slowly over time I became the "beautiful wife who pays the bills" nothing but a bragging right and support.
The answer to your question is easy, but admitting it is the hardest thing ever. MEN ARE SELFISH, DIRESPECTFUL IGNORANT BASTARDS because we ALLOW THEM TO BE. They will juat keep looking for one that will put up with it, even if it is slowly at first, so DO NOT SETTLE just because this one is not nearly as bad as the others. The truth is they are not ALL prone to that but it is hard as hell to find the one that still remembers how to treat a lady. You are better off being unmarried, have children if you want and dating than you would be allowing yourself to walk into this trap- just felt I needed to share this and I pray maybe, this will save you from the pain, anger, embarassment and hardship that I am in while typing it....
RJK - Ohio
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reader, jane1352 +, writes (14 December 2008):
Why are all Men Bastards?....
Now that is a hugeeee question.
Sometimes I think its just cause they can be
Maybe its the way they are brought up to view women as whores or mothers unaware that women are intensly individual living and experiancing and struggling with building and creating their lives
honestly its so hard
I recently tried an experiment and sent off for one of those stupid "secret" how to get a girl for men eletter things just to see what men are being told to do
and my god that was an eye opener
It assumed that all men really want is the best looking girls sexually available to them when ever they want... and lots of them one after another with the girs being ok about this and just accepting it.
I got so mad reading it
People trying to make money by reinforcing what men think they want and nothing but manipulative strategies on how to twist the world that way
but the world isnt that way
Yeah sure women are just sexual objects wanting nothing more than to be used and left with no strings attached hmm
But look this is the internet the whole thing is financed by porn. Taking the central idea that the male sexual drive is one of the most guaranteable facts of life .. a billion dollar industry in every bodys homes distorting many basic and subtle principles of human realationships
weve come this far just to abuse technology for this???
Yes indeed we have
so whos going to take responsibility for getting society back from the bestial and into some sort of humanistic form
well its got to be the women cause believe me the men cant see the problem.
ok rant over back to the questions..
Do men have a conscience?
Been thinking about this one recently..
In short No it could be something genetic in the brain make up or dna but in fact no they dont...that in a sense is what a good man gets from a woman if the realationship is sucessfull
She will act as his conscience, want to be a better man with her ect ect...
Why do women get attached and men not?
Well I read somewhere that during love making a chemical oxytocin is released in the females brain but not the male
same chemical that occurs when a woman gives birth to bond her to her child
men do NOT have this chemical released so do not go through the same bonding experiance through sex
hence they can take sex or leave it
and the porn industry totally ignores this biological difference trying to push women into being as sexually promiscuous as mean biologically are..but it all ties in wonderfully as it regenerates more money to be pumped into the pharmacutical industry as more and more women are pushed onto antidepressants just for basicly being women sigh...The solution is to rebel against all this crap!
Forget going from this hurt state of mind your in to searching for Mr Right
and go from here into caring about you!
Promise yourself your not going to get involved until you feel ready.
Take a good hard look at yourself as to why its all playing out as it is
Make it your mission to regenerate your soul heal grow .. train yourself to see lies and dismiss them as you see them, everyone is on a journey struggling to get it right ..
You have the power to choose to see that and forgive or at least eventualy youll get to that point
In the mean time protect yourself from more pain.
and thank your lucky stars your free as you need to be:)
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reader, Crafter  +, writes (30 October 2008):
 Great to "read" that, babe. I'm happy for you.
Keep us posted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk guys I apologise, I didt realise this would cause offence to some of you and I was wrong to say "Why are ALL men bastards" when, in fact, it is only some men that are complete asses and others can be great. I know this, Im just guessing that maybe all the men Ive had relationships with have been bad and therefore I bring it on myself.
When I wrote the post, I wasnt just thinking of my own situation. I have friends that have been treated disgustingly by men and every time I pick up a magazine theres a story from some poor girl who's new husband slept with her bestfriend etc, or some poor older lady who gets conned out of all her life savings when she meets a much younger guy on holiday and agrees to sell up her home and move to his country where she realises that he only wanted her money anyway.
Taking this all into consideration, I know girls can be complete bitches too. I would tell you about my ex, the one who has made me feel like this but, to be honest, I dont think he's even worth the effort of me writing it down. Yes I did get dumped for another woman but theres ALOT more to it than that.
Thanks for all your replies tho and advice. I will continue looking for Mr Right but this time with a different outlook and expectations.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): The problem is guys see assholes getting the girl so they naturaly mimic their behaviour. Don't bleat on all men are assholes, when you endorse and promote that kind of behaviour.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): One more thing to add, as this topic hits a nerve (I've never been around jerks you know... so yes, I think it's insulting to men).
NICE GUYS FINISH LAST. Sad, but true. Yes, it's cliche. But true.
The way that you generalize about guys being jerks, I could generalize that all women like bad guys (a.k.a ASSHOLES!). But that's not true, because I hate bad guys. There's a reason to them being bad, and it ain't because they're "rebellious or mysterious". Nah, they're jerks!
Same as bitchy, high-maintenance women... they pair well with bad guys. None of them are interested in forming deep meaningful relationships anyway...
But a lot of women tend to overlook nice guys. There are plenty of nice guys! But they get overlooked, and really, you have no idea what you're missing. They're honest, loyal, caring... But they're underrated. You may be overlooking them. They're not the ones who are charming the first time they meet you and start flirting with you with pickup lines like "I think your eyes are two stars that fell off from the sky"... no, no, no, the nice guy is the one that takes it slow, out of RESPECT for you.
Sadly, a lot of girls think that guys that are respectful and actually wait to know you WELL before getting in your pants, are guys that are friend material, or that maybe they aren't interested in you because he didn't tell you to go to his place after your first meeting. Wrong, wrong, wrong... capital mistake right there! Get to know the guy, be patient and then you'll figure him out instead of jumping into a "relationship" right away...!
The best that can happen is you find a great boyfriend. Maybe he wasn't interested, but you gain a terrific friend. Maybe, after all, the worst happens and you two just weren't compatible - but wait, this is isn't "the worst", this is great because you saved yourself from the heartbreak of having a disfunctional relationship. So everybody wins.
Stop generalizing, although it sounds like you have just come out of one of these relationships, so maybe that explains your tone. But really, my boyfriend is terrific. My father fell in love with my mom the moment he saw her and they've been together for almost 30 years, and they both admit it grows everyday and it's the best that has happened to them. Has it been easy? No, of course not, every couple faces issues. But when love is real, those issues are always tackled as "us", knowing that you'll work it out.
Just don't get discouraged! And keep your eyes open for a nice guy - they are hard to notice at first, but you know, what is the point of finding a treasure if you're not willing to look hard for it?
Read responses from the uncles here at DC... that's the kind of guy you need to find. Not prince charming from the latest romantic comedy... but an honest, loyal, caring, down to earth guy. They do exist, and DC is proof of it.
Oops! guess I had a lot of stuff to add, not just one...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Look at Russell Brand irresistable to women, yet a complete asshole. There's your answer you pick em.
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reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (29 October 2008):
 lol fade, I went on there years ago. I thought it was just a chat site full of commitment phobes that prefer internet relaionships to real life ones.
Maybe we are too fussy!
C xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Maybe you should try err... looking for nice guys? I'm sorry but I really hate this naivety and ignorance in women who fall for these confident jackasses and thus by doing this they abandon their moral standards just to be with the uber confident asshole thinking there mught be a sensitive/softer side to him underneath.
I don't believe that you're unlucky, simply put you chose them.
A tip for the future, if they act like jerks on the outside, even if they have a sensitive side to them underneath, they're still inconsiderate to those around him.
Women tend to ignore the bad when it comes to "bad boys". Sorry, but you brought this on yourself. You should judge a man the same way you would judge a 'person'.
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reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (29 October 2008):
 Poster anonymous, I have several things to say.
First, I have been called names by people who have actually met me, but this is the first time that I'm called "selfish, disrespectful, ignorant bastard" and "nasty" without even having a clue that I exist. This is a gross and mistaken generalization. You have done the same thing with the rest of all living men. I suppose that your general statement includes boys who have just been born. They are male, too. And since this is a generic trait that all of us share from the moment that damned spermatozoid Y gets into the egg, well, those are guilty, too.
By the way, your father is also a "selfish, disrespectful, ignorant bastard" and "nasty". If you have a son, he is, too.
Fortunately for us selfish, disrespectful, ignorant bastards, not even you believe these statements to be true. By way of proof, let us see these two, ehem, "inconsistent" statements:
"Why are all men selfish, disrespectful, ignorant bastards?",
and then
"I know some of you will tell me that there are good men out there, and I know there are"
Yeah, I know. "All" doesn't mean "all". It means "most".
Then, these statements are absolutely wrong:
"Why do us women get emotionally attached while men just cut all ties, see ya later and you dont hear from them ever again? How can men just forget all the good times, as well as the bad, they have with a girl and move onto the next without a seconds thought and then when you see them in the street they just walk on by like a complete stranger"
If you check this same website, you will find many posts by men who were asked for "space", for example. I came here by something like that, you know? I was forgotten way before I could forget. OH MY GOSH! Maybe those luscious, firm, 38 E boobs were fake (damned plastic surgeons), and she was a man, that is to say, a "selfish, disrespectful, ignorant bastard"!!!!
We are supposed to give opinions in an emotionally detached manner. Some previous times, I have let myself get carried away and I have been told, very correctly, that I shouldn't have done that. This time I will tell you something that you will find unfair, maybe, but I will do it for the purpose of showing you that these sort of generalizations are wrong.
If this is the way you see mean, has it occurred to you that men see through you, and then leave you because you're a plague? Maybe not "selfish, disrespectful, ignorant" or "bastard", but certainly a pain you-know-where?
If you find this statement offensive, told by a stranger, then I need to say, like children, that you started it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): I'm sorry that you're going through this. You've probably had the bad luck of dating losers, jerks, etc. I know for a fact that a lot of men aren't like this.
Just remember that just because you've dated jerks, it doesn't mean it'll always be like this. You'll find a great guy one day, and you won't believe it! Don't be too afraid of getting hurt again in the future, because this fear may cause you to lose great chances with great guys. At least now you have developed a better "filter" for jerks.
Good luck.
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reader, november_rain +, writes (29 October 2008):
Hey, we're not all like that! From my point of view, girls always go for the guys like that, and those of us who wouldn't dream of being like the guy you describe are the ones who don't get the chance to prove we wouldn't.
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reader, birdynumnums + ♥, writes (29 October 2008):
 You received five great answers from nice guys just in this column alone. So there are plenty of nice guys out there! You just need to get over this rotten jerk and find YOUR nice guy. I'm sure he's out there still! I'm so sorry that you are hurting, Hun. It's obvious that he was pretty mean, and really, any guy who will treat you that badly isn't worth your tears. Keep an eye on his new girlfriend, she's probably next in line, and she'll need a new friend! *evil grin*
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reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Have you considered that you're attracted all the the bastard men? i have little sympathy for women when they complain about men who are as____.. or their boyfriends or their husbands.. its because you Always pick the as_____.And more likely than not Mr. Right is probably a guy you wouldn't even give the time of day to.
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reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (29 October 2008):
lol eyeswideopen, thats good.
I would say you are going for the wrong type of guys.
Not being big headed, merely saying it because its relivant to the question, but ive never dated a 'traditionally' good looking guy. I always go for blokes with similar personality to me. Ive never been cheated on (that i know of) and of 3 long term relationships ive had and one 10 month one, they have all been quality blokes and I am still friends with them to this day. Only one guy I dated for 18 months off and on was a bozo, and used everybody that was in his life. And guess what, I got rid and am never going to be friends with him. Because he isn't someone I would choose as a friend.
I dont like bad boys. They turn me off, all that arrogance. I dont like liars. I dont like cheats. If I meet a guy thats still with someone, living with someone, not long split from someone, is a jack the lad, doesn't have anything to do with his kids, or anything that seems to be waving a red flag, I walk on by.
Thats not because i'm up my own arse. Far from it. I'm not perfect, have many faults. But the faults I have dont involve lying, cheating, disrespecting and treating someone like crap. And I seem to be automatically attracted to guys with similar morals.
I guess its hard to be attracted to those type of persons if you like good looking arrogant bad boys. And that must suck.
C xxxxx
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reader, HotANDcold +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Well I believe you haven’t find “Mr. Right” because you have certain expectations in your mind, you pictured him in a certain way that would not come to be true, but you must updated your mind to reality, be open to new things especially when it comes to meet the “right one” which is certainly not going to happen. I as a man could tell you not all of us are the same. We all classified in different groups you have the one night stand ones and the ones who doesn’t know what is it they want.
Remember if you been heartbroken its not because you do not deserve to be love and happy, it is because their not the ones in your future, instead of believing you have bad luck in love say to your self I would find some one who knows how to treat me well and appreciate me for who I am.
Don’t go too serious or too fast with a man you’re just getting to know, instead of rushing take your time and never say the L world, or call him a billion of times instead let him be the one doing those things and even if he does it don’t believe them until you think he really mean them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): The honest answer to your question is they're not. Not any more so than some women anyway.
One can only assume you've just been dumped for another woman yet again. You don't give any details, but I'd like the opportunity to hear all the background to this question. Well, not ALL the background, just the relevant stuff. Can you do an update?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Pick a different type of man. You're programmed to respond to a certain type. Next time you see two men and you are instantly attracted to one, go for the other.
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reader, icelordess + ♥, writes (29 October 2008):
 Eyeswideopen..you are a GEM! LMAO!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): not all of us are like that. some of us try so hard to impress you girls but you girls always go for the insensative cavemen. Sometimes i see this beautiful nice girls go out or prefer the guy that acts like an ass and i think to myself, why in the blue hell is she with him? So it makes me think maybe if i can act like a jerk I can attract girls and guess what? it does. so its sometimes womens fault why us men become jerk like creatures.
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reader, icelordess + ♥, writes (29 October 2008):
I think sometimes all us girls feel this way, sweetie...but if you read some of the posts from men, they must feel the same way about us girls too. Granted, there are alot of bad apples out there, and they really seem to do their best to make us think all guys are bad. But honestly, they aren't. We just seem to run into the bad ones more often. But you know what? I'm sure there's a really nice guy out there looking for you..wondering why he keeps running into all the wrong girls? I'm not sure who you've been dating, but obviously its someone who hurt you and made you mistrust. Please take your time, regroup, and don't give up. I went through pure hell before I found my husband..I too once felt like you. I had been lied to, cheated on, ripped off..and I thought, "God, enough already!" And when I had totally given up, that's when my guy came along. Seemingly out of nowhere..and he's a gem. Perhaps you are meeting these guys at the wrong places? Or perhaps you are ignoring your "inner radar" and ignoring or overlooking the subtle signs that say "JERK!" "CREEP"...but trust me, there are still good guys out there..and they're waiting...
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 October 2008):
 On the 6th day God went to the garden to speak with Adam and Eve.
He said,"I have two gifts for you two. The first one is this." And God showed them a penis.
Adam begged and begged to be the one to recieve the penis. He begged so hard that God decided he could have it and gave him the penis. Immediately Adam started running around peeing on everything in sight, writing his name in the sand, stroking it, and just generally making a fool of himself.
God and Eve just stood there watching him, then God turned to Eve and said "I guess you might as well have the other gift."
Eve said "Okay, what is it?"
"Brains" said God.
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reader, Crafter +, writes (29 October 2008):
Come on now.
Just because you've had few unsuccessful relationships, doesn't mean that we're all like that.
Yeah, nobody's perfect, but sometimes people just don't match. Besides, you don't want to get me started on women.
I've had bad experiences, but you don't see me ranting about it.
Take heart and be patient.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008):
Hey, there is obviously a lot of pain and heartache in you right now, but if you take a step back and re-read what you have written it is a lot more telling of the kind of guys you have fallen for, rather than a problem with men in themselves. There are millions of loving, caring, brilliant boyfriends, husbands and fathers out there and these are certainly not very few and far between they are just in the same numbers as there are decent and honest women.
I think you need to take some serious time out, get over all of this pain and work out for certain exactly the things you do want in a man but also just importantly, the things you don't want. You need to keep reminding yourself of both of these positive and negative traits, even having them on a list and reading it every day. Get your subconscious to remember it. When you have this in your subconscious, you will instinctively not keep falling for the wrong kind of man.
It is not your "fault" that you have had these failed relationships, but it was your decision to date these guys and it was your failing in being able to properly judge what they were really like. If you can take on board my advice about pinpointing exactly what you want and don't want in a man, and follow these needs, and be aware of these traits when you next meet a man, you can choose to stop seeing them as soon as you see something that is either not on the "want" list or is on the "don't want" list. People who don't have this "list" (standards) are the ones who let the chemistry get involved too quickly, their hearts overtakes their head and they end up making the same mistake again and again.
I hope you start feeling better soon, but more importantly you don't let these experiences keep you bitter and distrusting, as that would just be a great shame, there is a loving and beautiful person inside of you, it'll take time to get over what has happened but you'll be ready to love again in the future, but next time you'll be ready to do it more sensibly.
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reader, Kawika +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Yup...I've said it once and I'd say it again...Men are all PIGS!! They are hairy, smelly, and if you live with them long enough they begin to look pregnant. Why is it that they have to always stand up when they urinate? If they did it properly, their wives wouldn't have to be nagging them to put the damn seat down. And all they think about is SEX, SEX, SEX.
And Yes, men do have a conscience. It is the rare ones that exercise it. One day you will see.
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reader, Ed1337 +, writes (29 October 2008):
 All men aren't nasty and we aint all the same either, you've just had a lot of bad luck thats all :-/
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): They're not all nasty, and you WILL find a lovely man one day. I know some can be idiots, but lots of guys are absolutely lovely. Don't give up xx
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