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Why am I too scared to leave him, even though I know I'm not happy!?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Say your in a bad relationship and you know that the person your with is not the one for you. All you do is argue and when it gets bad you physically fight. The thing you hate the most is not being able to communicate – little things you need to discuss you can’t do with out raising you voices and then it starts a big argument. You love this person but he puts out on you all the time… as long as he's not dealing with anything and has no worries he's happy. But again you love this person, you cant just walk away because you live together… why am I too scared to leave him when I know I’m not truly happy?

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A female reader, kjasilver21 United States +, writes (28 March 2007):

You have to realize that you are only on this Earth for a short time - you have to make the most of it. You don't want to look back at the bad times in your life and think "what a waste!" Do you really deserve this treatment? The answer is "NO!"

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A female reader, Patient1 United States +, writes (28 March 2007):

Patient1 agony auntI know exactly what you're going through. I just left my husband this past weekend for basically the same reasons, add alcoholism to the list. We have 2 children together and I would constantly beat myself up over wheather or not I should leave him. After struggling with it for 2 years I found that I became physically and mentally exhaused and I lost myself somewhere during the whole process. It will literally suck the life out of you and tear down your self-esteem. It's always hard when you love or have loved someone to leave them, but you have to take care of yourself, and if you're not in a healthy relationship then you're going to suffer in the end if you don't get away from the problem. It's only been 4 days and I already feel so much better spiritually and mentally. Don't be afraid to be alone for awhile, sometimes it's good for your soul. Just surround yourself with people who love and care about you and you will prevail. Life is to short to not be happy. Maybe once you leave things will change and you can sort out your differences with him. If not, you should really move on before you lose yourself. It's hard to take that first step, but I'm telling you, once you do, it's so refreshing. Best of luck dear! You're in my prayers.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2007):

TELLULAH agony auntHi,

I know exactly why you do this to yourself. Its because you are affraid of being alone or the un-known. I know how you feel, I have been there. It should be an easy thing to do... you dont get on, you fight over nothing and are constantly unhappy. And yet you just cant find the courage to break free, and deal with the after-math. You will though, eventually. When you look back after a while, you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

What is the point really, of dragging it out, if you both feel the same.

As the others have said, life is so short, dont be unhappy. Maybe you are missing the chance to meet someone that will make you happy. Just take a long hard look at what your life could be like XXXX

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007):

Ask yourself what there is going for this relationship. Sit down and write down all the good points and then list the bad, if the bad outweigh the good then you have a really bit problem. Don't hang in there because you live together. You can live alone, there is no shame or fear in that. Tell him exactly how you feel, without raising your voice and causing an arguement. It can be done. Don't stay there. Life is too short, just walk away, you will be glad you did in the future.

Take care

xx

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A female reader, Reebe United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2007):

Reebe agony auntHi

The relationship sounds very distructive. I would seriously think about how you are going to get out of it. The chances are you love the man he was, not the man he has become.

Your scared because you have security, your probably thinking you won't find anyone else and you'll end up alone and miserable. Quite frankly I don't think it could be much worse then how you are feeling now.

I would look at where you could live for a few weeks maybe a friend could put you up. Nothing is worse than feeling miserable because of someone and knowing that it's never going to change, because it won't unless you make the change yourself. Don't make excuses make positive actions and make a happier life for yourself, you deserve it!

Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007):

You stay because all of us want to have at least two holds on things before we let go with one hand. It is the security of being in a relationship and no being on your own. We all like to be couple rather than alone.

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