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female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: Why am i so jealous and insecure?Im 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Hes a good man and will do anything for me and vice versa. Ive suffered from jealousy and insecurity now for many years, however i am better than i have ever been, but i cant help but feel im messed up in the head!!! I get jealous and insecure whenever i see women i know full well are airbrushed ect, celebs, nude women,sexy calenders, think you get my drift,just knowing my boyfriends seen them cripples me, and i become distant, pictures are so suggestive!!!! I find it hard to discuss, and people call me stunning, even had people think im a model!!! but this changes nothing, i cry sometimes too, how can you feel sexy next to these women? i really struggle sometimes, and its rare i feel happy, im always down and know somethings around the corner.What can i do? i should be greatful, he doesnt watch porn etc, but ive even stopped going to the cinema because its full of sexy women,and going to dvd stores because every other dvd has half nakedgirls etc!!! whats wrong with me?
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female
reader, Durini09  +, writes (1 December 2008):
I was reading every body's posts and It feels like I wrote them! I have been feeling like this for forever, and I do believe it is insecurity and sometimes the person we are with is the best and would never do anything like that to us but still doesnt makes us feel that something that would makes us feel secure and ofcourse there is a lot more. When I am by my self I dont feel like this maybe a bit but it doesnt afect me as much at all, but when I am with my now husband I feel just like you guys, I am amaized but would like to know if any of you found a solution to this problem? I cant stand it anymore!!!!!!
A
female
reader, jillybean +, writes (24 October 2008):
I read all the posts and am glad (and a little sad) that so many others out there are just like me! I hate to watch any TV or movies w/my fiancee anymore because every single show or movie has some hot chick with her boobs or ass out. I have a horrible jealousy issue. I see women on the street, on TV, in movies, etc. And it is no particular type of woman. White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, blonde, brunette, skinny, fat, etc. I always think, when I see someone that I THINK he might be attracted to, that he'd rather be with her than me. It is really hard on our relationship. He has even said things like "we can't even watch tv anymore without you making a comment". Even when he is not with me I analyze other women. Would he want to be with her? Why can't I look like that? Jealousy is a horrible thing. If anyone knows how to overcome it, please let me know!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): if all women covered their beauty in front of every man apart from their partners then this problem will be solved, I'm a muslim and believe that Gods request that men and women should dress modestly is the solution to this jelousy, if you go to muslims countries most women cover their beauty when they are with other men, and the reason is because they dont want other men lusting over them, i feel great when im walking with my husband in a muslim country but when im here in the UK i feel sex hits my husband by the face forcefully.....modesty is the solution!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): Hi there,
I am 21 and have been with my partner for a year now. I am also expecting a baby.
I feel exactly the same way, im down every single day coz im scared he's lookin at other girls whilst he's out.
i get so jealous when he looks at pictures of girls, i even get jealous when he's around my female family members. my sister, cousins etc...
Its really making me ill, everyone keeps telling me i look so ill. Ive lost weight, ive let myself go. I just dont see the point anymore, coz i only feel rubbish about myself anyway. My boyfriend dont understand y im like this, and its really hard coz he gets so mad sometimes.
Please help!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Oh my goodness! I cannot believe there is actually someone else out there feeling exactly the same way as me right now. I'm a Christian and I cannot stand the way society has made it okay for women to expose themselves this way. My boyfriend and I cannot watch a movie without seeing a naked woman or half nude guy (although its always full frontal for the female). We've also stopped watching some movies because they've become way too suggestive and even he doesn't like to see that. There lies my problem: I have a wonderful man who loves me to death and doesn't watch that stuff but I find it so difficult when we go out to not get jealous or comment if I see another girl with a shirt so low i could probably see her belly button if I looked longer than 1 second. It's just frustrating because like you, I've been told I should go into modeling and I'm slim I know that, but I find it so hard to gain confidence when I'm sizing myself up to scantily clad women. They may not get my boyfriend's attention, but they sure get mine! It's funny how girls check out girls and guys check out guys. My boyfriend will say something like, "yeah, I bet you wish I had that guys' body" and I won't have any idea who he's talking about. Maybe we just need to work on our own self esteem and stop blaming our boyfriends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): Wow i'm really shocked so many women feel like me! I really thought i was an isolated case. My boyfriend thinks i'm nuts because of how jealous i get and the things i get jeolous over! He calls me "miss twist" because he says i twist everything to the most negative thing against me and exaggerate the truth. I don't know if any of u are as openly verbal about your "issues" as i am or not. But i sure am. lol I'm shamelessly open about them and it causes so many fights. I wish none of this types of stuff even bothered me at all but they put me in agony. Sometimes bringing things up helps me to feel a little better, if it manages not to cause a huge fight. I get so envious of the girls who just don't care what they're boyfriends watch or look at or lust after because in my mind they have a freedom, i don't know. Other than this area of our relationship things are great. Though this area enough causes him to want to break up with me at times(which i can understand) and it's a constant stress for me, as u can all relate. I'm actually happy that some of u mentioned being very attractive. I am a very attractive girl as well and i model too, not to sound arrogant cause i definitely can find flaws in my beauty, but i'm just mentioning this, the same as u all, to explain my situation. Obviously this isn't an issue that only "unnatractive women who don't get attenion" deal with. My boyfriend is a photographer and takes photos of me all the time and does make me feel very beautiful and i know he is very attracted to me, but yet i still have these jealousy issues. I don't have any real good answers or advice to give here now, because if i did, i'd be free of this too, but i'm not. All i can say is YOUR NOT ALONE or CRAZY! And after reading this you really inspired me to try and have some group or forum or something for women who deal with these jealousy issues specifically to talk about it and give advice. I think this is a very complicated and hard to understand manifestation of jealousy and i'm not even sure if most psychologist would understand. Maybe they would, i don't know, i've never been to one, so i can't be too sure. And if i had the money to be in therapy i would be, but i don't so all i can do is gather information this way and try and find other girls who feel the way i do, to talk about it and understand it myself. My heart goes out to you all because i empathize! I think all our issues, and i know i'm generalizing a bit here, have some truth to them based on the way society looks at women and sexuality and then some of it just really has to do with our own insecurities being manifested in this way. Everyone has struggles in life and this is just a struggle that isn't popular or understood, so thats why i feel even more determined to figure it out, help myself and support other girls dealing with it. I don't mean to sound all "women rock like" lol, but i really do genuinely feel bad that any woman should have to feel this way and i also feel relieved i'm not alone in this. Maybe me and my best friend, who is the only other girl i know who has felt this way, aren't completely crazy after all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): I am insecure also, people tell me I am beautiful too but the real issue is that my boyfriend has cheated on me with very ugly and unattractive women. Looks have very little to do with my problem. I feel insecure all of the time, sometimes I cannot even function because I feel like he would screw anything. I am jealous of ALL single women as well as some who are involved with their own men. I think ALL women want him and it drives me crazy. I am really convinced that I am not ever going to be able to have a healthy relationship. I have never been with a man who did not cheat even when I though everything was great. I am truly struggling because I know the feeling. I hate that there are more women than men.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): I feel so bad for you, because I can totally understand how you feel. I am really beautiful as well and think that does have something to do with it, because when you grow up pretty and get attention for your looks all the time, that becomes a huge source of your self worth. And so, when you see competition, then it just makes you scared that someone is taking over and is better than you and that you aren't worth anything anymore because there are so many other beautiful women to replace you. I realized this was my problem only after acting like a crazy jealous person for such a long time.But in this last relationship which I really really want to work out, and almost losing such an amazing man several times for the insecurity and jealousy thing, I realize that my answer is that every time I start to feel that way, i do something to make my own self worth better, just for me. And I never stop living my own independent life so if he does leave me for some other woman or we break up for any reason, I still have a life, friends and self worth that goes deeper than just my looks. It is the best advice I can give you and I have to say that although it does help, I still get crazy inside, I do believe sharing is important but just try to keep the crazy part to yourself and your friends, because he is not going to understand and in the long run, it hurts the relationship. But when he sees you feeling confident and being the girl you want to be , independent of him, believe me , he is not going to go anywhere.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): i know how you feel.
i also dont watch tv with my boyfriend anymore because i feel like i have to add up to something im not.
and watching movies with him, kills me.
knowing that theirs going to be some girl with her perfect boobs hanging out, and her skinny tight body there for him to see kills me inside.
i recently had a breast reduction, and am very paranoid abuot my scars & what not., I know it does not bother my boyfriend, but i know that he's had a problem with porn and that he loves it.
im so afraid that what i have, and what im able to offer him isnt enough.
does he really want that perfect body, blonde hair, perfect boobs and nice ass, that i feel like i dont have ??
it hurts.
i think i need councelling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): omg, I feel the same exact way...how were you able to overcome this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): wow i can't believe i just read this. i thought i was the only "crazy" one out there. i'm 17, i've always been the pretty girl and i think that has a lot to do with my problem. i get jealous when my boyfriend looks at girls who i think are prettier then me...even if they aren't so attractive and they have a nice body i always think he's looking at them... i know he wouldn't cheat on me but it bothers me so much. i've talked to him about it before and it doesn't do anything. he tells me he loves me and all that good stuff we like to hear. i just always think he wants something else. like if a girl comes on TV who is in a bikini i'll flip out and get wicked mad! i've never felt the way i feel when i get mad at him looking at other girls. my whole body gets hot and i feel like i'm going into a rage lol.. i just lose all control and i tell him i hate him...i never mean the things i say when i get that jealous and that doesn't help at all. i just wish i wasn't like this. i'd love to do all the normal things couples do i just can't deal with all the sexy girls everywhere! i don't know what to do!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Hi i have exactly the same problem!! I am so jealous and insecure, im suprised my boyfriend is sill with me. we have been together for 4 and a half years. i realy need some help but i dont know how to get it or who to turn to. it's ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. its gotten to the point were we can't even watch tv together anymore. It seems like its all i think about, its so tiring i just don't know what to do. I thought i was the only one! i actualy feel like i might be crazy!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): I understand what you're going through. I do the same exact thing. If he so happens to look at another girl, I ask him twenty questions about it, even make suggestions like "why don't you date her?" or "do you want me to go get her number?" My reasoning why I do this may be different than yours, but before my fiancee, I dated a LOT of, to be nice, bad guys, and they hurt me and they tore me down everyday. I've never really let their words go and allowed them to form me into this insecure jealous sometimes psycho person. (it also doesn't help that my fiancee's mom hates me and tries to ruin my life everyday) but the reason is, you're looking for your boyfriend to fill those voids, whatever they may be, and the truth is, unless he is perfect, it's not gonna happen. You have to be the one to fix what's wrong. Whether you do it on your own or get professional help, it has to come from you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): dont worry hun i feel the same way u do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): hi, im 21 years old and ive been with my boyfriend/fiance for 8 years!! i also have a 4 years old son with him. i am EXTREMELY insecured! he's been putting it up for me for many years. i am very skinny and i want to get bigger which ive been trying my whole life. i have very low self-esteem. i dont think my bf understands wen i get really angry wen it comes to other girls. He actually makes me feel even worst by getting mad at me AND saying i have problems AND saying i will regret it one day! at least your bf understands you. i also need help, and dont understand why i am so insecured. he has avoided so many girls and all of his friends know i am like this. but i dont think anyone understands me! my sister on the other hand had no jealousy wat so ever! i feel like i am the only one i know that is insecured! i truly understand you and im also seeking for advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Im having sorta the same problem with my Girlfriend, I love the girl to death and she knows it but some how thats still not enough. We'll be watching a movie and Ill see a beautiful woman and right away I can feel her penetrating me with her evil eye, If I make a coment its even worse. Today we were walking down the street and I saw this garbage bag on the side of the road, I kicked it and she asked why? I told her that you never know what could be inside, I said "you know..Money..Naked pictures". I was joking but she took offense to what I said and told me that If ever I would come home with naked pictures I found in the street she would leave me. Jeez! do you really think I would come home with that shit? I told her.. She just looked all serious and didnt respond, That pisses me off. Once I was at a show with some friends and ran into my first girlfriend, I haden't seen her in years so I started making conversation with her I introduced her to my girlfriend and she freaked out n gave the girl the scarest look Ive ever seen and ran away and hid from me in a crowd of people. It took me at least a halfhour to calm her down and stop her from crying. Besides all these things our relationship is amazing.. so far she is the best Girl Ive ever been in a serious relationship with, I just wish she wouldnt be so insecure all the time, it makes me feel guilty that Im doing something wrong when Im realy not. Whenever these things happen I try and talk to her about it but she keeps on saying that I dont understand and that nobody can. I seriously dont know what to do anymore, I really dont want to leave her but I dont wanna have to deal with this everytime. What are us guys supposed to do? close our eyes every time we see a beautiful woman on T.V. Or evertime a girl we know walks up to us tell her to get lost cause our girlfriend is around? Thats just crazy man!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): Wow after reading this i would think i wrote it myself if i didn't know any better! That describes me perfectly and i don't know where to get help from. I feel like a crazy person. I didn't grow up with a father so that might have something to do with it! My boyfriend doesn't watch porn either but when the sees a pretty girl on tv i become angry and clam up. He wonders whats wrong with me but i just go in the room and cry. I know that i'm a pretty girl but for some reason it just bothers me to see him compliment a girl on tv!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007):
I know exactly how you feel. I am 23 years old, and I am also an attractive woman, but I am so incredibly insecure, and I compare myself with every single woman that I see or meet. I have been with my boyfriend 2 and a half years, we just moved in together, and we are planning on getting married in the next few years. He is such a good man, and he understands me so well. I flip out every now and then because I am so jealous and I get myself into a deep depression. I cant believe he has stayed with me so long, and has not run away yet. It doesnt help that he is very attractive, and a flight attendant, so he spends so much time with beautiful, and I think sexy, stewardesses. Plus, most of his exs have been stewardesses, so I think you get the point. It's agony for me.
I have learned that the reason we are so jealous is because of our insecurity. I had a terrible childhood, my mother made my life hell, she was jealous of me and the relationship I had with my Dad. If you know where your jealousy comes from, its easier to deal with. I have learned that instead of going crazy when Im jealous, just to tell my boyfriend that I am feeling this way, and what I saw that makes me feel so jealous. I usually write him letters, its much easier for me. The honesty and getting it off of your chest will make you feel better, and your boyfriend can help you by showing you and telling you that there is no reason to feel this way. If you bottle up your feelings, they will come out in a way that will make anyone want to stay away from you. Trust me, I have learned. Your boyfriend is with you for a reason, and he is probably just as devoted to making your relationship work like you are. I mean, 6 years is a really long time. After that much time, both people in a relationship just become so comfortable with the other person, that being with someone else is just weird. You miss eachothers little quirks and habits, its just not the same with someone else.
You can also try to pick up a new hobby or something that gets your mind off of what he is doing. When I feel really low I call my best friend or I write in my diary, and it just makes me feel so much better. Like I said, the most important thing is letting it out. I also see a therapist, which has helped quite a bit. Something else that has helped me, it might sound a little random, but I got off the birth control pill. It is proven that some women get depression and mood swings from their pill. Within 2 weeks of getting of the pill, I was able to deal with my low self esteem feelings and depression much better. Its a wonder what that little pill can do.
I hope you take some of this advice, I will be thinking of you and hope that it will all be better soon. Remember, you are unique and beautiful, he is with you for a reason, and he has stayed with you for a reason! Let him love you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): dont worry im the same way im very beautiful but i get this rage come over me when i see my boyfriend glimpse at a picture of a pretty girl...I think of it this way though I let him know how I feel about the situation and he relaly understands he feels the same way so now we both try to make each other happy by not paying attention to a naked person and focusing more on each other...and another good tip if he cheats hunni he aint worth your tears you can find a better man and the fun part about that is you can show off your sexy new fling you got to your X and make him jealous because 9 times out of 10 the man never stays with the woman hes cheating on you with.....from the 18 year old chick
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reader, TasteofIndia + ♥, writes (4 January 2007):
 Well, sweetie, just like "Ponungalangb" I don't think that anyone here could solve your problem with a piece of advice. It sounds like your insecurity issues run a lot deeper than the common person.
I understand the pressures in society to be thin yet stacked with curves and gorgeous. Pictures are getting more and more risqué as time goes on and that can be really hard to cope with. However, you're surrounded by the media... sex sells and it's everywhere. You can't hide from it, and you certainly can't hide your boyfriend from it.
What you really need to do is talk to a professional, who might be able to talk about this much more thoroughly with you.
Remember that your boyfriend is loyal to you and loves you and wants you more than any of these plastic women on the cover of magazines.
Good luck, sweetness. Being a young woman in this society is tricky, but we can do it. Stay strong, beautiful.
xxIndia
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reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (4 January 2007):
 You might need to get some therapy. I've never heard of anyone getting jealous of DVD covers before. I don't think anyone here could give you advice that will change your way of thinking.
Good luck!
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