A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, this might be long! So thank you in advance for reading!My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Just before we were together, I dated one of his coworkers for quite some time, and there was a lot of drama over our breakup. He continued to cause serious drama afterwards every time we ran into him for about 7 months, even coming to help me move in with my current boyfriend and telling me "you've done rather well for yourself". And then left the country after telling people he couldn't even be in the same room as me and I had ruined his life.Fast forward to today. I had heard rumours that my ex was coming back to town, but had no idea he WAS back. Imagine my surprise when I ran into him in the store. I would have ignored him as I've tried to do in the past, but he initiated contact. I was rather speechless. In fact, all I could stammer was "what are YOU doing here?" and "I thought you were GONE." He asked how I was, how my boyfriend (his former coworker) was and told me that he would be seeing me soon. It was incredibly awkward and left me incredibly flustered.I love my boyfriend. More than anything. But my ex and I have always had SERIOUS chemistry-- and there are reasons why he's an EX. Why am I so flustered over this? I am happy in my current relationship! I despise this guy for all the drama he caused in my life!!
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female
reader, incendia1990  +, writes (1 August 2011):
 If you are truly happy with your current boyfriend, forget your ex. Remember why he IS an ex and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): Perhaps the short answer is that you might regret the time you spent onyour ex? Or perhaps you're ashamed you dated someone who insists on causing so much drama and acting irrationally?
I think the key to getting over your nerves with this guy is acknowledging why you dated him in the first place and getting over it.
He seems to be the one with the issues, not you. Firstly, I think the worst thing you could do right now is focus on him, or obsess or fear him. I think that's a distraction from your own feeling. I don't think it's so much that he bothers you, I think it's the fact that he bothers you that bothers you.
I think every person has regrets about someone they dated. I think acknowledging why you made the mistakes they did whether it be low self esteem or some craving for drama or attention is important so it doesn't happen again. If you just fear or avoid the other person, it's a cop-out.
I've watched good friends avoid doing this and instead fear their ex panic everytime he contacts them.
We all make mistakes. Don't be a hapless victim. Spend a little time with yourself or a counselor. Figure our why you wanted to date him, why you aren't dating him now. I think then you can see him as a mistake in your past rather than a scary shadow. And as for him, drama queens tend to give up when you take the wind out of their sails. Don't react to his antics and don't show fear. The only reason he keeps harassing you is he can smell it on you and it boosts his ego.
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