| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello people,I'm the type of person who keeps to himself a lot. I'm not unhappy because the perks of being outgoing don't really appeal to me much...I have very few friends and I feel uncomfortable around them too if I have to hang around for too long. The problem is when a pretty girl takes an interest in me...I invest much more thought and emotion than her. I can spend hours on end imagining hypothetical situations that will never happen. I get especially frustrated when I don't get replies to text conversations... Conversations that she initiated. I just keep checking my phone to see if she's online... It just drives me crazy that she doesn't think of me as much as I think of her... She being online definitely means she's texting somebody else and has forgotten about me... These are thoughts that run through my head. It's pathetic. My productivity takes a hit and am unable to perform my duties properly at work and neither am I focused to study when I get home. I understand that some girls can play mind games to make the guy chase them and the one I'm talking about is definitely doing that to some degree but I'm not one to play along. I think that's cruel. I have been in a relationship with a girl like that before and hearts were not broken evenly. I want to be able to just walk away and tell myself I’ll meet somebody better but I know my reserved nature will come off as uninterested to girls who might like me in future. How do I stop obsessing over this girl whose personality doesn't even really appeal to me?
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female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (26 October 2017):
 I used to be obsessive if people didn't text me back, and get so upset/ anxious/ wound up- I got some help, got a bit older and I realized the extent to which i was getting these thoughts was not a normal reaction. I think this level of frustration and obsessiveness is a massive overreaction and I think you should see your GP for some therapy
In the meantime keep yourself busy- study can be a crutch here, don't neglect your prospects for some passing girl. Even if you don't feel motivated, just watch a funny show you love, and try and do something productive each day, even if it's something like reading a chapter of your text book a day- then praise yourself.
If you're still obsessing when you've even admitted to yourself she's not all that, then that does say you have a bit of a problem
Circulating negative thoughts will really make you ill, depressed - so try not to put too much pressure on yourself, and see if you can get some therapy
Take care
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 October 2017):
 Do you have family or friends that you can talk to? It sounds to me like you have to much time to think things through and that is what makes you obsessive? Do you have any other signs off anxiety or worry? Talking to someone might make you feel better.
If she is playing mind games then block her number, keep yourself distracted and busy and remind yourself that she is no good for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2017): Hello there. Sorry you have the blues about this situation.I think part of the problem is that you spend too much time in your own head and are not engaging with other people enough. You keep your own counsel and invent other peoples' motivations for their behaviour. You imagine something is a way and it appears you have no-one to bounce the ideas off...so around and around you go. So...you will feel isolated, frustrated and probably resentful. She just isn't doing what you think she should be doing and so it means this and this and this. Remember, she is a living person and not your simulation. She has the right to contact anyone she feels she can. She is not just a 'pretty' girl. She is a living being with thoughts and feelings and rights. She owes you nothing. If you believe she is shallow person and playing mind-games then walk away. End of the line. Move on. Nothing to be changed nor gained.You are also mildly obsessive and bordering on stalking (constant checking how long she is online and then imagining all the things she is up to and not giving you attention is a bit stalky). It comes from low self-esteem and need for re-assurance and attention. Remember that all negative emotions are a contradiction of expectation. I would suggest that you need to work on your self-esteem and not rely on others to make you feel good about yourself. Also, reach out more to other people and get some friends to talk with. I hope this helps....
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