A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:if i'm in a situation where it's obvious from the start that things are going to be going downhill soon, or at least eventually (for very conspicuous reasons), i don't feel dread or scared--i actually feel a release of some type, and i actually feel free enough to be 'happy' knowing that for sure it's going to end (so i try to enjoy it while i have it). i'm talking about romantic relationships, of course, but some friendships as well, or just certain situations in general. however, when i'm in more 'healthy' situations/relationships, and everything seems to flow more or less smoothly, and things are way more utopian and consistently 'happy', i feel this lingering sense of dread and worry that prevents me from truly opening up, being myself, and actually enjoying the moment. i feel shut off and somewhat removed.thus, i end up in some seriously f*cked up relationships/situations, knowing all the while what they are exactly, while avoiding the more 'blurry', more harmonious world. maybe this is perfect for me, in the way that i am, but for once, i'd like to be with/around someone who is 'good' and not be so afraid of the unseen chaos or rejection that i always feel will happen one day or another. for instance, i was very unhappy while dating a very domesticated individual, while i felt immensely free and happy while dating a bi-polar individual. my bi-polar guy, while i couldn't truly depend upon him for much of anything aside from his raw animal state, actually seemed a better fit for me from the start. of course, the nature of his untreated (by his refusal) disease, made it impossible for the relationship to last...why am i like this? Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, xcharlottex  +, writes (24 August 2009):
I think that when you "know" it's going to end, you feel happy because in your mind you have nothing to lose, because in your mind it's already ended, so you can relax and be yourself. whereas when things are going smoothly you get scared because it's uncertainty and are scared really to be happy and to lose something that makes you happy. I suspect you sabotage these kind of relationships. Maybe you're scared to be let down without knowing it, like when you know it's going to end, fine it's going to end. But when you don't know you get scared because you don't know whether you're going to be hurt & that's scary. If I am correct about this I dont have a solution unfortunately, I'm just talking from my own experience.
A
female
reader, happytochat  + ♥, writes (24 August 2009):
It seems to me you dont believe in yourself, and you dont really have any self confidence. For some reason, deep down, you believe that you deserve to be in these unhealthy relationships, therefore, that is why you are continualy ending up in such situations. When you are involved in a healthy relationship, you probably try to get out of it because you dont feel you truly deserve it and probably think that that person will leave you because you are not good enough- hence the feeling of dread.
You need to start thinking about your self esteem and why you feel so low. Once you discover why you have little self confidence, you will be able to work on building that up. You deserve to be alot happier then this. Its a worry that you are continually in unhealthy relationships. I think for the time being you should not let yourself be in any relationship until you have had some time to work on yourself, so you dont fall back into such a relationship again. The more time you spend in unhealthy situations, the more it will reinforce your negative view that thats what you deserve- when is very un true!
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