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Which is more important in a partner: being physically attractive, or being good in bed?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 December 2013) 21 Answers - (Newest, 11 December 2013)
A female New Zealand age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have a general question for everyone. Do you prefer a partner who is good looking but boring in bed, or a partner who is average looking but good in bed?

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (11 December 2013):

Anonymous 123 agony auntHigh five Youwish!! Nothing like multiple orgasms from a wonderful partner who takes care of your needs! Who cares about looks? Beauty after all, is really skin deep!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013):

looks matter but they can only get you so far. I was with this very attractive guy who was so boring in bed. Then i met this so, so guy with a scruffy look, but my god, he was amazing in bed. His skills and personality made up for his mediocre look. you also can't be very demanding about your needs if you're not willing to reciprocate (in bed). Though, a small or strange sex organ can't be fixed. You want to make sure you get an orgasm when u do have sex and you also want to make sure that if you go out with this person, they look decent enough or are simply a charmer.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013):

I have been in relation with six women in my life and only one of the six was good in bed. The other five just laid back and remained still and only permitted the missionary position. So my conclusion is that, finding a woman good in bed is quite rare.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 December 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntpersonally I think they need to be a good cook and maid and wage earner...

another vote here for better in bed... looks fade... personality and skills tend to stay the same.

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A male reader, Doobie United States +, writes (9 December 2013):

Good in bed.

My girlfriend isn't "hot", but she is quite cute, and although she has a low sex drive (I outlast her most of the time), she's great in bed (considering her experience) and WILL fight her own sex drive to have more sex.

It's the sexual equivalent of witnessing the human spirit.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013):

Good looking.

I'll have other women to be good in bed with too but my official partner has to look good on my arm, in Facebook photos, make other males compliment my ability to attract beautiful mates etc. My concubines will take care of my sexual needs if she's not up to scratch.

Only joking, my wife is amazing in bed and that makes her far more attractive to me than looks alone.

I mean pretty to look at is one thing, but you don't get that burning desire to rip her clothes off from a dead fish. Sure if I had no libido and just wanted to gaze at an amazing female form aesthetically then looks would count for more.

But beautiful women who are crap in bed are a waste of time. The novelty wears off.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (8 December 2013):

CindyCares agony aunt I would not know , I never had a partner who was not good looking IN MY EYES . Which does not mean they were all actually handsome , at least by fashion magazine or fitness magazine standards. Just that ,personally, I saw them as physically attractive. I wonder how one can even have sex with someone she is not physically attracted to ?...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013):

He needs to be a billionaire, pin-up gorgeous and a make-you-scream-all-night-long sex machine, or he's just no use. Personality and brains are optional.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (8 December 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI'm afraid that you've failed to "hit upon" THE MOST important aspect of a prospective partner.... and THAT, is his/her BANK BALANCE!!!!!

Good luck....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013):

My wife looked uncannily like Playboy's Miss February of 1981, and at 49 she's still a very attractive woman today. A nagging thought in the depths of my lizard brain had me wondering if she felt sex was something she was supposed to be doing. I never acknowledged that thought. Now our sex life is history. If you're a sexual being and aspire to a sex life as a senior citizen don't worry about the looks. Worry about whether your partner genuinely likes sex.

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A male reader, human_male New Zealand +, writes (8 December 2013):

human_male agony auntIf I had to pick one or the other I'd pick good in bed as well. Though somewhere in the middle would be nice.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (8 December 2013):

chigirl agony auntNo doubt, I'm going for good in bed.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013):

Since average-looking is not ugly, being good in bed is a great exchange for good-looking. Looks fade, and you do get accustomed to good-looks over time. Average-looking is comfortable and still attractive. The changes are subtle over-time, and there's always something to look forward to; when the lights go dim, or completely out. I like surprises; it inspires me to be more creative.

Good-looking and boring in bed means you need to teach them things. Fine, if they're a lot younger than you are. You can blame it on inexperience; or too much reliance on their looks to get them by. They may present a good challenge; if you possess good skills yourself, have patience, and they're willing to take suggestions. Too much coaching kills the mood.

If they're good-looking and the same age, or a little older; you'll feel you're wasting your time with someone not particularly interested. They should be well seasoned; or of equal skill. They should show signs of life, and that I'm being appreciated.

Guys who have no stamina, and it's over in 3-6 minutes; wouldn't know the difference.

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A female reader, Babs1 United States +, writes (8 December 2013):

Great in bed of course!! If you're giving me multiples than youre great looking to me. If I have that connection with someone than that is how attraction grows for me personally. Other way around, no matter how good looking you are, if we have no sexual connection, I will become unattracted, end of story.

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A male reader, massage United States +, writes (8 December 2013):

massage agony auntI go with attractive. I'll teach her how to be good in bed:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013):

I'd prefer the better lover. An attractive but lazy lover would not make for a good partner. In fact the guys who I've has the best physical connection with have been average looking. The worst was a guy who thought he was gorgeous (though he actually wasn't) and was a one minute wonder.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 December 2013):

olderthandirt agony auntThere's "being a ten" and great in bed. If the two happen to coincide that's nice but you can't beat being great in bed...I mean what good is "being a ten" if you're a clumsy clown in bed? THe definition of great in bed,by the way, is providing pleasure to your partner...not checking the mirror to see if your hair is messed up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013):

Definitely good in bed!!

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A female reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 United Kingdom +, writes (8 December 2013):

Youwish is right on give me a fat balding sex machine any day!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 December 2013):

Honeypie agony auntIf those are the ONLY two criteria I get to choose from, I'd pick GOOD IN BED.

Having a gorgeous BF is lovely, but if he SUCKS in bed it's like having a freaking Lamborghini and no gas. What' the point?

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (8 December 2013):

YouWish agony auntGOOD IN BED!!!!! An attractive eye candy guy who kisses you like a dead fish and flops around until he ejaculates in 21 seconds? Big deal, who cares!

An average guy who would never be voted most beautiful, who may have a bit of cushion or a nose a little too disproportioned but can give you multiple orgasms and doesn't stop until you are a sweaty, helpless pile of ecstasy? YES PLEASE!

As long as the average guy has good hygiene, I'm on board!

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