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Which girl should I keep? Foolishly started dating 2 girls at the same time. Love them both.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Crushes, Dating, Family, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 August 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 August 2015)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am 22 years of age and a few months ago I foolishly started dating two girls.

One girl lives locally and is a kind and generous person, we share many hobbies and interests and my family worship the ground she walks on!! however on my end the attraction to her physically is not always there.

The other girl is extremely attractive and is so much fun not only sexually but furthermore she is also someone I have fantastic chemistry with and we chat constantly. She Sadly however she lives around 2 hours away.

I've gotten to a point where I feel like I'm falling madly in love with both of then for their own specific attributes and therefore I need to make a decision which girl I should keep in my life as it's now not an option to keep both as the lying to them is tearing me apart.

I can't imagine a life without either and I have tried to end things with both girls at different points but somehow we always end up back together.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (4 August 2015):

mystiquek agony auntI agree with the majority, tell both girls that you are dating someone besides them. It is the decent thing to do both morally and sexually. They have a right to know if you are sexually involved so they can protect themselves. See which girl (if either) sticks around. I doubt if either of them would.

I also agree that you aren't in love, its lust. If you were truly in love with one of them, you wouldn't want the other. You aren't a kid anymore, act like an adult and be responsible. For your sake and anyone that you are dating.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015):

You need to split from both girls. I doubt either of them would want to be with you knowing you have been building a relaionship with another woman...

Stay single until you feel ready to commit to one girl.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 August 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI'm with Aidan.

You don't care ENOUGH for either girl to be with her and JUST her.

Go ahead and tell BOTH girls you are railing another girl, that you have feeling for BOTH of them... and see if EITHER would stick around. My 8-ball says .. no.

YOU are having sex with two girls and now you have this "dilemma" (guess your moral compass kicked in?) that you feel like you have to pick one or the other.

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To quote Johnny Depp

“if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”

? Johnny Depp

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For the most part I agree with that quote, but... YOU still need to fess up. Even if it means... neither will have you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015):

I think you should tell both that you're dating someone else and see if they want to stick around after you've done that. They deserve to know that so they can make the decision themselves whether they want you in their lives or not, it's only fair.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015):

Excuse me, you say "one is so much fun sexually"? So you are having sex with both of them, not just dating? Sort yourself out if you are, because that's really not good. And I hope you are practising safe sex, although condoms are zero guarantee.

I have to agree with another poster, you are in lust. This isn't love. Get a grip on yourself and man up!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015):

Honestly? You're not "in love" with either - you're infatuated with both for different reasons.

The problem is the fact that you've been sexual with at least one - and they don't know! That's awful! It's one thing to date others, but you should at least tell them before you get sexual with either, so they can decide if that's what they want to be involved in.

You need to come clean and break up with both - then see what happens. Whatever you do, you *have* to be honest from now on!

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (4 August 2015):

You don’t end up back together. You allow that to happen, it doesn’t just happen to you. Breaking it off with both is the best thing because you don’t seem to feel enough for either girl to stop this lying and cheating. The only caveat is that if you’re simply hanging on to one girl out of a misplaced desire not to hurt her, but know in your heart of hearts which of the girls you want, then you have to be cruel to be kind. On that basis, let’s look at what you’ve said. It sounds like there is one girl to whom you’re not particularly attracted. A key requirement for a solid relationship is missing: chemistry. When it’s not there, it’s just not there, so when you say that the physical attraction isn’t always there, I’m not sure how you can be falling in love with her as opposed to liking her as a person, particularly when this feeling isn’t sufficiently strong to make you break things off with the other girl. As for the other girl, is distance your only issue? Do you think you could make long-distance work? If you can’t, then don’t pursue her. You say you Have “fantastic chemistry” and that you “Chat constantly,” but do you have things in common? Are you on the same page in terms of what you’re looking for in a relationship? These are the kinds of practical questions to ask when determining whether to pursue some-one you like. Although I don’t think you are certain it’s her above all that you want, if you are then I think you should go for it. However you should come clean that there has been some-one else, and explain the situation, as she’s bound to find out if either the girl you break up with doesn’t go quietly, or she finds out from your family. However, I don’t think either girl’s quite enough for you and so I re-iterate that I think the best course is to finish things with both. I would only pursue one girl if you’re absolutely sure it is nothing more than a desire not to hurt the other that keeps you hanging on. You might say you’re in love with both, but if you can’t decide, what that really means, in all likelihood, is that you’re not truly in love with either.

I wish you all the very best.

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