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Where do you draw the line between friendship and something more?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 September 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 September 2014)
A male Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

How do I know if my best friend and I are really just friends or if there is potential for something more? We met at work and have become especially close in the last few months. We always know exactly what is on the other's mind and we are rarely apart. We know how to be honest with each other and sometimes we do fight. We work hard to resolve our conflicts because we care about each other so much. Sometimes she drives me absolutely crazy but there isn't anyone I would rather spend my time with. I don't have any other potential relationship because I'm too busy with her and others steer clear because they don't realize we're actually single.

I guess my question is...is this purely a friendship? Do you think it is more than that? What even is the difference?

View related questions: at work, best friend

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2014):

Redefining the line between friendship and romantic-attraction gets sticky and awkward. The majority of the time it's totally one-sided.

Most crushes only begin; because one of the couple isn't dating and gets too close. Laziness and fear of rejection forces one to start shopping too close to home. Fishing in a barrel, I prefer to describe it. The "bird in a hand" idiom should not apply within a platonic friendship. You have to respect boundaries of friendship and not push the envelop. Sometimes friends feel so much like family, that adding any other meaning to it is just stressful and inappropriate. Almost opportunistic.

That comfort-zone easily becomes convenience. The mind starts exploring the possibilities; but if there are no signs to go on, it's usually pretty much infatuation.

Immediate-gratification versus the challenge of breaking the ice, introduction, keeping a prospect's attention, and gathering the courage to ask them out. That's a lot of work.

Only to be shot-down.

You skip and bypass all the formalities, when you just go for a friend. Then comes the awkwardness and discomfort. They don't want to hurt your feelings; and then you're harboring hidden feelings that at some point starts to make your friend feel creeped-out. Once you expose your feelings, you can't take it back. The friendship is now compromised, if you don't get the reaction you want.

The truth is, the line isn't drawn until you make your play and get shot-down. If you roll the dice, and it comes up winners? Good for you!

I expect a lot of advice is going to be given suggesting to go for it. So many wonderful friendships hit a snag when somebody wants to turn it into something other than what it is. Placing a good friend in the difficult position of having to turn you down, and knowing how it might hurt your feelings. Then knowing they can no longer view you the same way from that point on. You want something other than what they've wanted from you. Now they may lose it, or just feel weird.

Is your motivation from shyness and lack of luck with other women, or does she seem receptive to your passes and/or seem to come on to you?

If neither, leave things alone. Enjoy your closeness, and being good "platonic" friends. Men and women can be friends, without sex becoming an element between them. Yes sex! That's what entirely redefines the relationship. It is also what screws it up and complicates it.

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (1 September 2014):

Question is, what do YOU think it is? Is she your friend? Are you interested in more? How does she feel? Has she ever given it thought?

It sounds like you definitely go out of your way for her and this is where trouble tends to occur. You should see if she goes out of her way for you as well. But at the end of it all, perhaps you should just talk to her about it because a girl usually knows if she is interested or not, but not many girls would make that first move. If she is not interested, then you need to back off and re-evaluate the things you are both doing for each other.

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