A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hi guys, short question (hopefully). Where am I going wrong with men???? I know I'm only young, but the majority of experiences I have had have been bad and the men have done me over. I know I'm quite a nice person I think I trust people so easily and this is why but I'm not so sure. Sometimes I think there's something really wrong with me. I'm not one to blow my own trumpet but I'm not a bad looking girl and I know this dont get me wrong there's plenty of gorgeous girls out there but I know im not ugly and I do get plenty of attention but its getting past that stage and actually getting to know someone where I seem to go wrong. I dont know if I'm just going for the wrong type of men that only want one thing or nothing serious. I'm not fussed about being on my own either I love being single I love my freedom but when I do start seeing someone and it goes wrong every single time it makes me wonder if I'm genuinely doing something wrong. My friends say I'm not they say i'm a lovely girl and its not the me its the guys. I'll tell some of my bad experiences to give more of a picture. My last bad experience is why im asking this question. It was my friends cousin, I met the friend through another friend and now we are all really close (me K and R) me and R have been friends for years and I met K through R. Anyway I was out on a night out with K and R when K's cousin shows up I had no interest in him what so ever, never even really noticed him anyway after the night out K told me he liked me so I agreed to add him on facebook he started talking to me straight away. We were talking for about two weeks he kept asking to meet up but i wasn't all that interested so eventually K said we would just go to his house and see how things went, things went really well that night we carried on talking we carried on doing this for a while going to his house for a take away and getting a taxi home, at this point he was like a little puppy on a lead he'd do anything I asked (not that I think relationships should be like that but I did think this was a good sign as we was treating me well). K said it was very rare for him to be like this with a girl he had told her he respected me he thought lots of me ect. Then he asked if we could start seeing eachother I agreed as some feelings had developed. Then he asked me to stay one night we arranged a night and K stayed with us. I went to meet his mum and other family, his sister asked if I was his girlfriend but as we had not discussed this it was a bit awkward but he told her I was. That night I slept with him for the first time. His sister asked me and K to stop the following night so we went home to get some clean clothes and went back. This is when he started being a little bit distant he wasn't as touchy feely. That night I stayed with him but we didn't sleep together and the next morning we barely spoke. I went home that night and he didn't text me once I then got a text tje next afternoon saying "this isn't going to work sorry" i was fuming the first thing that entered my head was he only wanted one thing. I rang him straight away and he said "I'm just not ready" I knew this was bullshit. Three weeks later he's in a relationship! What?!?! Baring in mind all of his ex's are nothing like me. K has told me and he has shown me they're all druggies on benefits having kids for money pretty much. I'm completely different I'm at university doing a degree and have been brought up by a very good family. I have thought that maybe he's just not used to be with someone like me. K said told him I was too good for him once he said KT wasn't going to work and be said he knew. I have had multiple bad experiences like this. Is it me? Am I bad luck? Am I going for the wrong men? Or is it just not my time yet? Help?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 May 2015):
 So you really only dated this cousin of a friend because PEOPLE suggested you should, you didn't feel an attraction?
I think your major mistake... is to sleep with someone BEFORE you really feel ready and before you really know the guy. You talked to him over FB for two week then met up and when PUSHED by his sister he "calls" you his GF and you think OH we are now a couple, but in reality he just wanted his sister off his back. Then you slept with him and he decided... nah this isn't going to work....
YOU move WAY to fast. (for you) I think you NEED to learn to say no and give YOURSELF time to get to know a person, and I DO NOT mean chatting over FB and texting. THAT is impersonal. But get to know a person IN person. Set a 3 months limit. IF a guy can't/won't wait for sex that long.. he is just looking for sex anyways, if he will he might be a keeper.
Don't just go by what friends think the guy is thinking or feeling, but LEARN to trust your instincts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2015): I don't think it is bad luck, I think that most boys your age are just that, boys.
Human frontal lobes (the part of the brain that controls your emotional maturity and self control among other things) are not fully developed until the late 20's, for men & women.
Boys are just there to play the field if they can, they have not grown up yet. Some are not even done with puberty by only age 18!
I say you should just be patient. Stay aware and make sure you get a commitment before having sex with anyone in the future. Meaning, be an exclusive girlfriend first.
Don't worry, it will not always be like this for you. Keep trying, it gets better.
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A
male
reader, Over 50 advice +, writes (15 May 2015):
 You need to slow down and take a breathe, there are good guy's out there and the good ones aren't looking to put anther notch on there belt. Try taking the time to really getting to know someone before sleeping with them. If they won't wait then you know what kind of guy he was. Your attracting players and the only way to weed them out. take time the players don't wait more than a few dates before leaving for a easy time.
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